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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26019067">Leave me burning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/katewantsadrink/pseuds/katewantsadrink'>katewantsadrink</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The 100 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bartender!Bellamy, Bellarke!endgame, Clarke Griffin &amp; John Murphy Friendship, Clarke and Lincoln are step-siblings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, Minor Becho, Minor Character Death, Minor Raven Reyes/Miles Ezekiel Shaw, Multi, Mutual Pining, Past Drug Addiction, doctor!clarke, minor clexa - Freeform, smut at some point, some alcohol use that is not abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:00:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>43,751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26019067</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/katewantsadrink/pseuds/katewantsadrink</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is in a strange place. She just lost her father and the hot bartender has too many opinions for her to stand him and not talk back. Bellamy owns a bar in Arkadia's rich neighborhood and is sick of dealing whith entitled people. Little does he know that Murphy's drinking buddy is a lot more than he bargained for.<br/>After all, Clarke being the stepsister of Octavia's boyfriend means he'll definitely have to hang around her more often than he wants. Clarke isn't happy with that.<br/>Then a fire happens and they have to share more than just a bartop in the Dropship. And then the fire is burning their souls. Will they burn out or manage to take control and find what they're looking for?</p><p>Will upload two times a week!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller, John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Luna/Raven Reyes, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Octavia Blake/Lincoln</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Stranger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Took the name from the song Leave me burning by Carlton Hayes and Martha Bean. This is my first fic in this fandom. Names of Chapters will be names of different episodes when I feel like it. Love Bellarke, hate Jason tho. Enjoy your reading!</p><p>Name of Chapter - 7x12</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Of all the things that could go wrong today, getting drunk and being all sad on John Murphy’s shoulder was not a thing Clarke even considered possible. What she didn’t expect was him trying his best to comfort her while still looking as a selfish asshole. Murphy had his own way of doing everything and “being there” for someone was also an extraordinary experience. Which, to be honest, Clarke isn’t totally sure she wants to repeat.</p><p>Clarke had a really shitty day. First, she overslept and was almost late to a surgery she definitely didn’t look forward to. Being a trauma surgeon in the big city of Arkadia was a troubling and exhausting job. But she loved it. She’s always wanted to help people in every way possible. Even if that meant she had to wear herself out by working 30 hours a day with a two hours long nap.<br/>
She isn’t complaining. She chose to be a surgeon. Even though sometimes she wishes she didn’t listen to the logic part of her (that sounded a lot like her mother) and actually followed her talent in art (or as her practical mom likes to call it – a hobby).</p><p>No, she is definitely not complaining about her choice of career. Not now anyways. The times for this comes with some bottles of cheap wine and her close friends binge-watching some shitshow and complaining about each and every unfair thing in life.</p><p>After oversleeping and literally taking her spot in the staff-only parking five minutes before the surgery, she managed to get in the OR on time, even though she still hadn’t gotten to her coffee and there was smudged mascara under her eyes (she finally broke up with the sweetest girl ever – Nylah- after months of hot sex and nothing else).</p><p>One of the scrubbing in residents lost it when she saw the amount of blood and passed out. Another one messed up some of Clarke’s much needed instruments in a very crucial moment. Clarke and the other surgeon working with her – Wells Jaha, her childhood friend, managed to quickly fix up the unconscious man.</p><p>A couple hours later, after they’d thrown away their bloodied gloves and could finally relax, Clarke growled at the residents who made her work harder and almost screamed at them. Which definitely wasn’t a good idea, considering the hospital staff already thought of her as the Ice Queen Bitch. If it wasn’t for Wells, who somehow got her out of the OR and to the coffee machine, she would’ve yell her lungs out at the two residents. Who can fault her? It was a very hard surgery and them not being 100% in could have cost the poor man’s life.</p><p>A couple of appointments, another surgery, checking in on her other patients, a brief lunch with Wells and an unpleasant argument with one very angry “Karen” in the waiting area later, Clarke could finally go home. Monty and Jasper were coming over and they were going to watch some shitty reality show (probably high).</p><p>But as luck would have it, someone had slashed three of her tiers. Her lonely Jeep stood strangely on only one in perfect condition and Clarke was <em>seething.</em> Of course whoever slashed her tiers would leave only one. This way insurance wouldn’t cover it. If Clarke found out it was the annoying know-better-than-you wife who was to fault for her car, she would’ve thought about forgetting her oath. Just thinking, though. She wouldn’t actually hurt her internationally.</p><p>So Clarke called a tow truck and waited for four hours for the guy to come. She was ready to scream when she finally got into the Uber to get home. Clarke rescheduled with the Monty and Jasper for a couple days later, because she was on-call the next two days.</p><p>When she got into her apartment building, she saw the annoying too tall lady from the flat opposite hers. She was beautiful but her attitude was too much for Clarke to even consider the fact and hit on her. No, Clarke had standards even with her one nights stands. She tried to walk past her but Echo saw her.</p><p>“Isn’t it a bit late for you to come home?” smirked Echo and looked her up and down. “You know that slumming it down with random people as often as you do is not considered ladylike.”<br/>
Clarke took a deep breath and pointed at her scrubs, trying to talk herself out of hitting her. “I was at work, Echo. You know, Arkadia General? Saving lives and the usual isn’t 9 to 5 job. Have a nice evening” she said as politely as possible and turned to walk to the elevators.<br/>
“Saw your pretty girlfriend earlier. Left a box full of clothes in front of your door. Couldn’t even keep the boring one, huh?” this time Echo was definitely looking down at her.<br/>
Which, to be fair wasn’t that hard, considering Clarke was 5’4 and Echo was towering above her.</p><p>“Echo, leave it be! At least my boring one was way better than the line of desperate men coming out of your place. Can’t decide what’s worse – hearing your fake moaning trough the walls or just listening to you talk. Have a nice evening!”<br/>
With that Clarke went into the elevator and into her lovely loft – which was her dad’s. He had kept it for her after he and her mom had moved in together ages ago. It had two floors and an industrial vibe to it – probably from the exposed bricks on some of the walls. Her art was covering all the white ones though and her fluffy pillows on the couch definitely gave the loft a different vibe.</p><p>Clarke took a long shower and put on sweats and a tank top. She would’ve microwaved the leftovers from her dinner with Nylah but her phone ringing stopped her.<br/>
It was her mom.</p><p>With a sigh, Clarke picked up, ready for the screaming match that was bound to happen. God, was she wrong.</p><p>Her dad had gotten in a car crash and had passed away in surgery. Jake Griffin, one of the greatest engineers of his time, died because some jackass ran a stop sign and hit the driver’s side with his truck. Jake Griffin, one of the greatest role models Clarke has had in her life, died on the same table she was working on earlier. Jake Griffin, one of the most cautious drivers in the world, was dying while she was waiting for a stupid tow truck.</p><p>“Why didn’t you call me the moment you found out?” asked Clarke on the verge of tears. She kept them at bay, her mom sounded like she was in the middle of a panic attack. Clarke had to keep calm, if only for her mom’s sake.</p><p>“Well… I’m sorry baby. He looked so bad when they pulled him in. I couldn’t work on him and Hannah Green took him instead. She told me you and her son had plans. Suggested it was better for him to be out of the woods when we tell you. This way you would’ve had the emotional support you would need so… I am so sorry, Clarke. I should’ve called you when I saw him” Abby was definitely sobbing and hyperventilating now.</p><p>“Mom, please. Breathe. In and out” said Clarke, silent useless tears streaming, and put her mom on speaker while texting Hannah to ask her to go and help Abby. “Hannah is coming, mom. Just breathe. It’s not your fault. Please, just… Take a deep breath and try not to lose it till Hannah comes.”</p><p>Clarke stayed on the phone while Abby was trying desperately to take back control over her body. Clarke’s tears hadn’t stopped, but her world was close to it. Her dad had always been her rock. Her biggest supporter and her biggest fan. Her dad had always loved his daughter like there was no tomorrow. She guessed it was right he did so. After all, there was no tomorrow.</p><p>Thirty minutes later Clarke found herself in her favorite bar, The Dropship, with John Murphy – the only person in her circle of friends who wouldn’t see her red puffy eyes and ask questions. It also helped that he could hold his liquor as good as she could.</p><p>Three hours later, too many shots of tequila, a fifth whiskey on the rocks later each and both of them bent over the bar top laughing bitterly at some old drunk story of John’s. When the laughter stops, Murphy breaks.</p><p>“Do I get to find out why you took me out in the middle of the night to get drunk? Not that I don’t love drinking with you, Griffin, but some explanation would be nice” says Murphy without even sending her a glance.<br/>
“My dad passed away a couple hours ago. Got hit by a random driver while I was waiting for a tow truck. My mom called me two hours after he died. She gave his body to prepare for the funeral already” Clarke shrugs and swallows the last of her drink. “Had to spend thirty minutes to try and get my mom to breathe on the phone before Monty’s mom found her hyperventilating in a broom closet. And since I don’t have to work tomorrow anymore, I called you to help me get shitfaced. That explanation enough for you?”<br/>
“That sucks, Griffin” says he and signals the hot bartender for another round of shots. “Does Lincoln know?”<br/>
“Oh, shit. Yes. Yes, mom said he knows. But I haven’t checked on him yet” Clarke realizes sadly that she totally forgot about her stepbrother. Shit.<br/>
“Don’t worry about that right now. Here’s what we’re going to do. We are getting way drunker than this, because neither of us is slurring yet. We’re getting so drunk that we can both cry ugly tears. We curse your mom for not calling you on time, we find the driver responsible and cut of his testicles and then we do another round of shots” Murphy hugs her awkwardly with one arm but that is all Clarke needs.</p><p>“And then?” asks Clarke hopefully.<br/>
“Then? That’s tomorrow’s business, Griffin.”<br/>
“There’s no tomorrow, Murphy.”<br/>
“Then we ask Bellamy here, who still owes me, by the way” he shouts the last part and the hot bartender just rolls his eyes from the other side of the bar, preparing their next round, but far away as to not listen to their conversation. “We ask Bellamy here to be a darling and keep the bar open for us both after he’s kicked everyone else from here. And we drink all of his expensive whiskey. And his golden tequila. And if you still want a “then” after, we can drink all the cheap beer I have in my place. That works for you?”</p><p>“That works for me perfectly. Thank you, Murphy” says Clarke and hugs him for real.<br/>
Murphy is a scrawny man but his hugs, rare as they are, are safe and strong. He’s holding her close enough to keep her upright but making her feel loved and away from the world.</p><p>The bartender comes with their round of shots and slams them on the bar top, making Murphy detangle himself from Clarke.<br/>
“What do you need from me, Murphy?” scowls Bellamy (was that what John called him?) and leans his muscled arms on next to the shots.<br/>
“Need you to kick everyone out and let us stay here for a bit longer. Don’t look at me like that, Blake. Closing time is in 15 minutes. What does it matter if you close earlier than usual?”<br/>
Clarke can’t tear her eyes off the bartender. He has curly black hair that almost hides his deep brown eyes, but it’s not enough to distract her from his abundance of freckles and sharp jawline. His dimples show a bit when he smirks after Murphy’s question. Clarke’s eyes look him up and down and she decides that it’s not fair for a random bartender to look this hot in the black uniform t-shirt. His muscles are visible even though his clothes are not visible and drunk Clarke gets horny was easier. It doesn’t help that the bartender is hot as fuck and his deep voice is enough to send shivers down her spine.</p><p>“Stop staring, Griffin. What would your girlfriend think? Unless you’re looking for a third party to take in the sheets. And if that’s the case, consider me offended because I still don’t have an offer from you” Murphy smirks and they drink their first shot of the round.<br/>
“Ex now, Murphy” Clarke sends him a sly smile. “I have all the right to stare. Trust me, if we were looking for a third, you’re not even on the list of people we’d consider.”<br/>
“So that’s why your drinking with a delinquent like him” smirks Bellamy. “I wondered why a beautiful girl like yourself would be slouching it with John Murphy. Let me guess. Princess couldn’t get her boy-toy to follow her around like a lost puppy and now she wants to drink herself under the table and tomorrow she will spend her daddy’s money on useless things to make herself feel important again.”</p><p>Clarke immediately decides she doesn’t like him. He may be hot but she’s putting him in the list of hot people of limits right next to Echo. If she sticks them together in her mind, drunk Clarke won’t even try to get in his pants.</p><p>Murphy starts saying something but Clarke cuts him off, finishing another shot.<br/>
“You have me all figured out, don’t you?” asks she and stares the bartender right in his deep eyes. “Bellamy, was it?” after his nod she smirks and grabs another shot. “Why would you know anything about me?”<br/>
“Clarke…” starts Murphy but he is cut off again.<br/>
“Shut up, Murphy” this time by the bartender. “I know your type. All glammed even for middle of the night outing, crying because your parents are trying to make you go to galas and small talk with the highest of society. Probably a nurse because daddy wanted you to be successful but you don’t have enough brain cells to continue your education and become something more. I bet your biggest problem is having to take shower to get rid of the smell of puke after work and get into bed with an average boy-toy with you only for your money.” Bellamy lets another sly smile and crosses his arms in front of his broad chest, and damn it. If Clarke was staring before, then now she’s definitely crossing the line of creepy and appropriate.<br/>
But, hell, Clarke isn’t going to let him distract her and have him think he’s right. Murphy is sighing in his drink, knowing well enough that Clarke would’ve chewed Bellamy up even when sober. But drunk Clarke would not even let him take a breath without cursing her and everyone in her bloodline.</p><p>“My face is all natural, Bellamy. Glad to think you think I’m pretty while “slouching it down” in the middle of the night. Sadly, I’m not even crying, which erases half of your explanation. And if I were to cry about my failed relationship, it would’ve been because I let an amazing woman with swift fingers and long tongue get away. A real emotional relationship needs a lot of free time but as the youngest trauma surgeon in Arkadia General it is kind of hard to find the time between surgeries to have deep talks. Fingerfucking in on-call rooms is enough to fill the time though. Just not enough for a relationship, I guess. Daddy didn’t even want me to step in a hospital. My biggest problem is when residents with the intellectual capacity of a bartender pass out in the middle of life-saving surgery from the sight of blood but at least I can go home and relax on my couch after a nice bath and call up Murphy from time to time to drink ourselves to death. Sorry to disappoint your silent dreams but I don’t have enough time in my busy schedule for average boy-toys such as yourself. Pity. If you hadn’t opened your mouth at all, you at least could’ve gotten a nice tip out of me without even having to whore yourself out” Clarke leans on her forearms, showing a bit of cleavage. “Pity, Bellamy. Really.”</p><p>Bellamy just stares at her with anger and shame in his eyes.<br/>
“Don’t bother staying open for us longer. I’m leaving anyway” Clarke leaves a healthy amount of money and a generous tip, even though he was a jackass (sue her, her father raised her right and she has fair share in her past of bartending and bad tips).<br/>
“Clarke…” starts Murphy but she just squeezes his shoulder with a smile.<br/>
“I’ll be fine. I’ll take you up on your offer next time, if that’s okay with you.”<br/>
“Text me when you get home, Griffin. Want my drinking partner alive and healthy.”<br/>
“I’ll try” she laughs a little and Bellamy huffs from his side of the bar.<br/>
She ignores him and grabbing her purse, she leaves. She’s almost at the door, when Murphy’s voice stops her in her tracks.</p><p>“Text me details about the funeral. Can’t leave you alone to deal with Abby’s drama, Griffin.”<br/>
She sends him a curt nod and leaves to get an Uber.</p><p>For a while there, while proving the hot bartender wrong, she forgot about her dad. She felt alive and good. For a second there, it felt like there was tomorrow. But now, looking trough the window in the car, she feels sad and empty and angry again.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Bellamy is left frustrated after Clarke walked out of his bar. Murphy isn’t even talking to him; he’s just staring at his drink in thought. Which is weird. Murphy never stays in thought for long.<br/>
“I’ve always know you were a dick, Bellamy. That’s why I keep you in my life. But sometimes even I can’t deal with the bullshit coming out of your mouth.”<br/>
“Shut up, Murphy!” Bellamy rolls his eyes and continues cleaning the bar seething.<br/>
He was definitely not in a mood anymore. At least his current girlfriend promised him she would wait for him to get home. He hates the fact that he’s working on their one-month anniversary (which is not a big deal for him but apparently is for Echo). The sex was good and she was fun enough to spend time with. Echo didn’t want a lot from him and he was just fine with that. He wasn’t a relationship type of guy after Roma. But it was chill and relaxed enough with Echo for him to be ready to label it. Even though he doesn’t concern himself with the thought of their future as she sometimes does. But he doesn’t mind it as long as she doesn’t get too clingy.<br/>
Yes. His hot girlfriend is waiting for him back at her place. That thought helps him forget for a second that he was frustrated at the blonde girl who left him speechless. So he assumed wrong? Facts, yes. Attitude? All princess-like, so at least he got that right. Of course the sexy woman would be self-entitled and righteous all over his bar.<br/>
“Griffin knows how to tip” chuckles Murphy and hands him the bills Clarke left. “And before you try to refuse it because you think that’s some kind of mind-playing, don’t. Clarke used to be a bartender. She always tips more than she needs.”<br/>
“She’s a good tipper. So what? She’s still an entitled girl with a smart mouth” Bellamy puts the money away and looks at Murphy. “Who is she, anyway?”<br/>
“Well, she’s been around for six years now. Remember when I almost got kicked out of my apartment? Clarke got me a job with her in a bar on her campus. Told me who to serve for better tips and managed to put me on shift with her, which was when a lot of the richer students came in. They tipped a lot the drunker they got. It’s a nice friendship. We get drunk and bitch about assholes like you” Murphy smirked as if he wasn’t telling him everything (which Bellamy found out was true a couple days later) and tossed the last shot. “She’s not some rich bimbo, Blake. Be a dick to whoever you want to, but refrain from mentally attacking my friends. Some of them are dicks only to people who deserve it.”</p><p>“It’s not like I will see her again, Murphy. Noted, though. Now, kindly fuck off and get out of my bar cause I want to go to my girlfriend on time” Bellamy send him one last annoyed look.</p><p>An hour later he gets into Echo’s flat and finds her watching some reality show on her couch. Bellamy kisses her passionately and gives her the small switch knife he got her. It was with nice leather casing and with her initials on it. He knew she’d love it and it was almost free for him, considering he already had the unused knife and carved her initials himself. He considers himself a good boyfriend.<br/>
Echo looks happier after she’s played around with the knife a bit and then she gets him in the bedroom. They rid themselves of their clothes quickly and she blows him without actually managing to get him off. Bellamy pretends it’s because he wants to finish inside of her and after getting her off on his fingers (trying to ignore Clarke’s comment about fingerfucking, that definitely played with his mind a bit) he slides into Echo and she starts making her extra noises that he’s learned nothing could stop. He feels sorry about her neighbors, because he knows the walls are thin (a couple days ago, while staying over, he heard one of her neighbors getting off loud enough to be uncomfortable, but at least she sounded realistic).<br/>
Bellamy gets her off one more time and finishes in her, feeling spent a bit disappointed. Echo had made a big deal about their anniversary. Bellamy at least expected that the sex would be something more interesting tonight.<br/>
Or maybe he just refuses to admit that every time he closes his eyes, he sees the blond girl with her sly smile and waves surrounding her like halo. No, he’s definitely not thinking about Murphy’s friend.<br/>
He snuggles to Echo and she drifts of easily. That’s when he is reminded of the thinness of the walls. He falls asleep to loud choked sobs and the image of blonde curls and blue eyes behind his eyelids.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Long Into An Abyss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! The chapters will be longer from the first one, I promise. I have the main plot figured out but if any of you want something thrown in, be my guest and put your suggestions in the title!<br/>Chapter title from 2x07</p><p>~Enjoy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy wakes up alone in the bed around noon. Which is a rare occurrence for him as he’s an early bird. He knows Echo has already left for her job and he won’t see her until the next day.<br/>
After a nice shower and a breakfast he cooks, he’s ready to leave her flat. Bellamy doesn’t have much to do today besides working so he decides to go home and call Miller and see if he wanted to catch up.<br/>
He leaves Echo’s flat and is surprised to see Lincoln, his sister’s boyfriend of three years, standing right across from him, coming out of the flat across.<br/>
“Bellamy?” Lincoln sounds surprised. His face is full of emotion, though, and Bellamy wonders what the hell he’s doing in a random building in the middle of the day. “What are you doing here?”<br/>
“My girlfriend lives here” shrugs Bellamy and lets out a forced smile. He was fine with Lincoln now but part of him still disliked him just because he was with her sister and was a bit too old for her. “What about you?”<br/>
“My stepsister” Lincoln nods towards the door he just closed. “Had to check up on her.”<br/>
They start walking towards the elevator in an awkward silence that Bellamy hates.<br/>
“Is everything okay with her?” he asks, trying to give any crumbs to keep the conversation going.<br/>
Octavia had grilled him about being friendly towards Lincoln and he made a promise to try. Doesn’t mean he liked it or wanted to be real close with him.<br/>
“Um… No, actually. Her father, my stepdad, passed away yesterday. Got into a car crash. She’s definitely not doing okay” sighs Lincoln and runs his palm down his face. “Her mom, she’s a doctor, didn’t call anyone when they pulled him in the hospital. We both got the call two hours after he died. So she’s not okay. She’s hiding it very good though.”<br/>
“I’m sorry for your loss, Lincoln” says Bellamy and wants to cringe. He knows those words can do nothing for the hurting, knows from experience, but there’s nothing else he can say to Lincoln.<br/>
He hates the whole experience surrounding death and funerals and lose. When his mother died of cancer ten years ago, he and his sister had to deal with a lot of “I’m sorry”s and pitying looks. Both of them hated it. There was nothing those almost strangers at the funeral could do about the Blake siblings and Bellamy just wanted all of them to shut it.<br/>
“Thank you” nods Lincoln and they get outside of the building. “It really sucks. But everyone in my family, step or not, can deal with emotions good enough, at least till the funeral. My sister will hide all of them till the end and then she’s probably going to lose it but only in the privacy in her home and… I won’t bore you with more information, Bellamy.”<br/>
“You don’t bore me, Lincoln. If… If there’s something I could do for you and your family…”<br/>
“Don’t worry about it. Though it would mean a lot to me if you and Octavia could come to the funeral. I’ll talk with her about it.”<br/>
Bellamy nods and says his goodbyes. In the car he’s feeling pretty annoyed at himself. Lincoln was a good person and he loved Octavia with all his heart. And Lincoln just lost someone who he knew Lincoln respected and loved a lot. So even though he hated funerals, he would go. Just because it was important to Lincoln, which meant important for his sister too.<br/>
With a sigh he decides to just go over Miller without even calling him. His best friend of ages lives just outside of Alpha neighborhood (where he works and where his girlfriend lives) in a very nice house he bought just a year ago. Miller had gotten it with his then-boyfriend Bryan, but after a rough breakup, Nate was living alone in it. He’s been looking for people to rent his two empty bedrooms for ages but still no luck there.<br/>
Bellamy pulls over in the big driveway in front of the house and smiles when he notices that Miller’s car is there too. He barges in the house with even bigger smile.<br/>
“Miller?” he shouts and throws his jacket on the couch.<br/>
“One day you’ll learn to knock and I’ll probably buy you a beer” chuckles Miller and comes in from the kitchen. “What’s up?”<br/>
“Have nothing better to do” shrugs Bellamy and sits on the couch. “Thought I might come and beat your ass on video games.”<br/>
“Sure. I’ll get the game ready. Go get us some beers, Blake” Miller shoos him from the couch with a smirk and gets the joysticks out.<br/>
“Not your maid, Miller” growls Bellamy.<br/>
“Nah, just my bitch. Come on, I don’t have full day.”<br/>
“Thought you weren’t working today” he shouts from the kitchen, looking through his friend’s disorganized fridge.<br/>
“Am not. Two guys are coming over to check the house. Got kicked out of their previous place because they smoked so much weed, the whole building could get high from the smoke.”<br/>
“And of course, you offered them a place” smirks Bellamy and gives Miller his beer. “Of course you’d take pity on two stoner kids. Why am I not surprised?”<br/>
“Hey, of all the shit they could be doing, smoking pot is definitely not on my list of hard no-s. Besides we did worse shit when we were their age” Miller just shakes his head and starts their game, already ready to destroy Bellamy.<br/>
“Wait. How old are the stoners?”<br/>
“Twenty-two. The way they talked on the phone made me think they could be twins or siblings or something. But after I checked their social media I found out that they’re just really close friends” Miller kills him real quick and Bellamy growls. “Thought you came here to kick my ass.”<br/>
“Just play again, Miller” Bellamy rolls his eyes.<br/>
An hour later, they’re in the kitchen for a quick snack when the doorbell rings. Miller opens the door and they’re both faced with two scrawny boys. One of them has a charming little smile and the other one has (very oddly, if you ask Bellamy) a pair of goggles on his head.<br/>
“Hey!” starts the Asian boy. “I’m Monty Green and that’s Jasper Jordan ” he points to the taller boy. “I am really sorry we’re late. Someone” he looks pointedly at Jasper, “decided it was a good idea to stop for snacks. Five times. Just on the way here.”<br/>
“I’m not going to apologize for feeling snacky when high, Monty” laughs Jasper and Bellamy decides he might like the boys.<br/>
“No worries” smiles politely Miller and invites them in.<br/>
Bellamy follows his best friend and the two boys on the tour of the house; he is curios. Miller shows them the shared bathroom the boys would have and grumpily explains that his bedroom and the en-suite are off limits to everyone who’s not family or his boyfriend. Even Bellamy hasn’t used Miller’s bathroom but they have shit ton of drunk nights shared on Miller’s bedroom floor.<br/>
“The rent is pretty cheap. Since both of you want to take the rooms at the same time and I don’t have to search over again, I’ll make you a deal for 400 dollars a month. For groceries we can switch every week if that’s fine with you two.”<br/>
“400?” exclaims Monty. “Well, that’s a good deal. We were spending way more for a small flat in the middle of Alpha.”<br/>
“It’s Alpha. What do you expect? Everything there is expensive and overpriced as fuck” grumbles Bellamy.<br/>
“Everything, besides The Dropship, you mean” smirks the kid with the goggles. “Man, what I wouldn’t give for another night there.”<br/>
“Don’t worry, Goggles” Bellamy actually smiles. “I own the Dropship. You can come whenever you want and if Miller lets you live here, you’ll both get the family discount.”<br/>
“I knew you looked familiar!” exclaims excitedly Jasper. “You bartender too, right?”<br/>
“Yeah, when I feel like it or there’s not enough staff” shrugs Bellamy.<br/>
“Except Tuesdays. Tuesdays he lets in only the usual crowd – his friends, family, and patrons. Bellamy is the only bartender on Tuesdays. Lets us get drunk as hell” smirks Miller and adjusts his beanie.<br/>
Why is he wearing a beany in his own house in the beginning of September, Bellamy doesn’t know. But all of his friends have some weird quirks. Miller and his hat. Luna and her prayers to the water gods. Gabriel with his fascination of morals. Octavia with her appreciation for everything beautiful and everything deadly. Murphy with his smartass comments and dick friends. Actually, scratch that. Murphy’s thing isn’t a quirk; it’s just him being a pain in the ass.<br/>
“Okay, Jas, we might need to be on our best behavior if we want to keep going to the Dropship” laughs Monty and Bellamy shakes his head amused.<br/>
“Any questions?” raises his eyebrows Miller.<br/>
“You aren’t a cop, right? ‘Cuz we love smoking pot and that would be a big bummer” says Jasper with a big smile.<br/>
“Nah, just your usual firefighter. I don’t mind you getting high, as long as you let some fresh air get in as often as possible. Anything else?”<br/>
“Yes. When can we move in?”<br/>
“I’m off today. Bellamy and I can help you bring your stuff now” shrugs Miller.<br/>
“Wait. Does that mean we got the place?” smiles excitedly Jasper.<br/>
“Sure. A couple of rules, though. First, no homophobic or racist shit under my roof. Second, don’t burn my house down. Third, no one flirts with Bellamy’s sister. And lastly, most importantly, no one drinks my beer without making sure they buy me the double amount finished by any of you” Miller crosses his arms and the boys start nodding approvingly.<br/>
“Bro, our best friend is bisexual and Monty here is Asian as fuck,” slurs a bit Jasper. “We ain’t gonna be racist or homophobic, don’t ya worry about that. Can’t promise I won’t flirt with his sister. Sorry, big guy, but not-sober me has no filter” shrugs he and Bellamy actually laughs.<br/>
“Miller, keep those two. I might actually like them.”<br/>
They get downstairs and put on their jackets. Soon after, all of them are in Miller’s pickup, ready to get all of the boys’ stuff. Apparently, after being kicked out of their apartment, Monty and Jasper were staying at Monty’s mom's place in Alpha. She lived in a beautiful house near Arkadia General, with a big lawn and big beautiful modern windows. Bellamy was somewhat envious of the interesting house – floor to ceiling frosted windows, nice white stonewalls and big ass porch. And who knows what it looked like inside. Compared to his small loft in Walden, Mrs. Green’s house looked like a castle.<br/>
Bellamy has always hated rich people and he couldn’t believe that the awkward stoner boy came from money.<br/>
“That’s a nice house” smirks bitterly Miller when he pulls over and they get inside the building.<br/>
“My dad created the whole blueprints and built most of it himself a couple of years ago. I haven’t lived here that long” shrugs Monty and points them all to the living room, where many boxes were spread around. “Ma?” he shouts and when they turn the corner, they see large living room with an open floor plan to the kitchen.<br/>
There, two women in scrubs sit on the table over coffee and chatter quietly. They turn around and one of them seems oddly familiar. Bellamy can’t just decide why that is.<br/>
“Mom, Abby, that’s Nathan Miller and Bellamy…”<br/>
“Blake” offers Bellamy and stops staring at the red-eyed woman. “Nice to meet you.”<br/>
“Miller is our new landlord” smiles Jasper and goes to hug both of the women. “Bellamy is his friend. They’re helping us get our stuff to the house.”<br/>
“So both of you managed to find not only a place in two days, but a house?” Monty’s mom turns towards Bellamy and Miller with a gentle smile. “You sure you want my boys here to trash your house?” she smirks.<br/>
“All of our friends have the delinquent streak in them, ma’am” smiles Miller.<br/>
The four of them get to work and pile of the boxes in the storage space of the pickup. They try to figure out what to do with the bed frames and decide that they’ll have to do a second round for them.<br/>
An hour later, after they left all of the boxes in Miller’s house, they’re back at Green’s residence, but this time there’s one more car in the driveway. Miller parks across the house and stays in the car, while Bellamy and the two boys go back to the house. Monty points to the stairs, when Jasper shouts surprised.<br/>
“Clarkey!” he sprints to the living room and hugs a too familiar blonde girl.<br/>
“Clarke’s here?” Monty sprints back down the stairs, almost pushing Bellamy out of the way, and jumps in the group hug. “Hey, Clarke.”<br/>
“Hey, Goggles. Monty” she detangles herself and puts on a fake smile. He’s a bit annoyed that he used the same nickname for the stoner kid as she did.<br/>
Bellamy just stares, anger and a bit of shame burning in his blood. He was left frustrated after his not so pleasant talk with her at his bar. It should come as a surprise that he see her again, but he’s in Alpha, in a house that looks like a modern version of Cinderella’s castle. He’s not surprised to see her here, but he is surprised from the fact that she and the boys are apparently close with her.<br/>
Clarke still hasn’t noticed him and he just stays behind, waiting for the boys to finish up with her so he could get out of here without getting into another argument with the hot blonde.<br/>
Hot, but entitled, Blake he reminds himself. And out of your league, even if she wasn’t a rich bimbo. Or if you weren’t in a relationship.<br/>
“How are you, Clarkey?” asks Jasper and squeezes her shoulder.<br/>
“I’m fine. You can worry about me after I’ve dealt with everything” Clarke shrugs and goes to the woman he hasn’t officially met yet. “Hey, mom. Let’s get you home” she helps her get up and sends a smile towards Mrs. Green. “Thanks for calling me, Hannah. I’ll just put her in the car and will be back to get her stuff in a second.”<br/>
She walks her mom in the hall and spares him a glance. Bellamy saw the recognition in her eyes but decided to send her his usual smirk. Clarke squints in his direction and then she’s out, her mother walking just barely, her full weight on Clarke’s shoulder.<br/>
A part of him feels for her, because he’s seen his own mother in worse forms and knows from experience that it’s never good to see a person you love look weak. But he just turns towards the boys again. The part that was pitiful was smaller than the one happy that the girl got reality-check.<br/>
“Bed frames?” reminds Bellamy to the boys and heads upstairs with Jasper in tow.<br/>
“Monty will be up in a minute” Jasper’s cheerful smile is now gone and his eyes are sad. “Help me get mine first.”<br/>
They get the first one in the pickup and then the second one. By the time Bellamy is back in the house to get the last boxes, Clarke is in the kitchen, whisper shouting.<br/>
“Who let her work today?” her beautiful features have turned into an angry façade and she has her arm crossed, attracting Bellamy’s eyes to her cleavage and he hates himself for being even remotely attracted to her. He sees hot girls every day. She shouldn't be special.<br/>
“No one could stop her, darling. No one can say no to the Head Surgeon. You know that better than anyone” Mrs. Green sighs in her cup, her smile from before now gone. “Just take her home. I’ve already called Marcus. He’ll stay with her until she gets everything out of her system.”<br/>
“So Jackson wasn’t lying when he said she took something. What was it, Hannah?” Clarke raises her eyebrows.<br/>
“A lot of painkillers. But not enough to be serious or to get back to it. Don’t you worry, darling. Abby’s not going to relapse. She’ll be better tomorrow” Hannah smiles gently but the blonde just sighs and tucks a curl away from her face.<br/>
“There’s no tomorrow anymore” she whispers and turns around. “I’ll see you on Sunday. And before you ask, I’ve got everything handled. Just… keep the boys away from me till then” Bellamy huffs at this and grabs the last box.<br/>
“Please, tell me you won’t be alone.”<br/>
“Wells is staying with me. He’s helping me with everything. Thanks for everything, Hannah” with that Clarke turns towards him and he scrambles to leave the house as fast as possible.<br/>
“I’m one of the people you should hate right now, Clarke” whispers Hannah.<br/>
Not fast enough.<br/>
“I want to hate you. But what’s the point? Don’t blame yourself.”<br/>
Clarke storms out of the house and slams into Bellamy’s back, making him drop the box. He wishes he didn’t hear the whole conversation. He wishes he left quicker. He wishes he was staying in the car with Miller instead and waiting for the boys to say their goodbyes.<br/>
But, of course, he has to put up with the blonde again in less than 24 hours.<br/>
“Can you watch where you’re going?” he growls and narrows his eyes at her.<br/>
“You know, I didn’t think that I’d see your assuming ass in the middle of Entitled Town. You stalking me, bartender?” she raised her eyebrows and gets her car keys out of her pocket.<br/>
“Ah, you wish, Princess. Just helping a friend. But I can’t say I’m surprised to see you here. Every princess needs a castle” he looks around the big and magnificent mansions and smirks. “Which one is yours? Maybe I’ll stick around and wait for my apology.”<br/>
“Apology?” she snorts unladylike and stares him down. “Did I hurt big boy’s feelings last night? I was left with the impression that your ego was too big for you to even follow my words yesterday. Seems like they left a mark. Don’t you worry, though. I’m sure there’s a desperate enough girl somewhere to stroke your ego.”<br/>
“I think you need even bigger reality check than what your mom gave you inside. Don’t think that your entitled ass can say anything important for me to register” he sends her a smirk and picks up the box again. He really doesn’t like this girl.<br/>
She’s just bugging him wrong. And Bellamy is proud of himself that for once his right head is speaking.<br/>
“Go back to your castle, Princess. Speak your shallow words to mommy and daddy until even they can’t stand them anymore. Don’t think for a second that I’ll remember anything about you the second you’re out of my sight. All I see is a little girl, with her better-than-anyone attitude and fake independence. Take a reality check, Princess. Don’t take it out on me because daddy doesn’t love you” with that he turns to leave. He puts the last box in between the bed frames and jumps into the passenger seat.<br/>
“Now, what was that about?” asks him Miller, who apparently had enjoyed the show from his pickup.<br/>
“Came into my bar last night. Just another entitled rich girl from Alpha. Prefers talking back, though. Pretty annoying if you ask me.”<br/>
“You never pay them enough attention, Blake. Even when they talk back. And you definitely paid her attention just know” Miller fucking smirks. “And you seemed riled up. Please, tell me you haven’t slept with her too.”<br/>
“She wishes” Bellamy grumbles, but part of him knows that he’s the one who wishes. A betrayal, for sure. Because Miller is right. Clarke does rile him up. And he thinks she’s hot. But she annoys the shit out of him so he’s glad he can stand his ground.<br/>
“So what’s for dinner?” asks Monty when the boys get in the car.<br/>
“We can get take-out tonight and ask some of our friends to come by and meet you. If that’s fine with everyone?” suggests Miller while driving back to his house.<br/>
“Sure” nods Jasper.<br/>
“I’m down” smiles Monty and that’s that.<br/>
“I can take tonight off then. I’ll text O.”<br/>
“Murphy won’t say no to drinking together” shrugs Miller.<br/>
“Wait, John Murphy?” exclaims Jasper. “Dude is a dickhead.”<br/>
“A major one” agrees Monty and Bellamy laughs.<br/>
“So you know the group’s failure. The world is small, huh?” Miller smiles and turns on the radio.<br/>
Yeah, Bellamy thinks to himself. It is small. Little does he know that very soon he’ll realize it’s smaller than he thought.<br/>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Clarke gets her mom back home safely. The butler helps her get Abby in her bedroom where Clarke takes her shoes carefully and then tucks her in. Next stop is the en-suite bathroom.<br/>
Clarke knows there’s some painkillers left from the time Marcus broke his arm two months ago and she makes sure to throw them in the toilet, flushing three times just to be sure she got rid of them.<br/>
When her parents got divorced eleven years ago, Abby had spiraled. She was taking pills of all kinds just to justify her actions and make herself forget that she betrayed her own husband and hurt her small family. She overdosed two times and almost lost her life. Both times. Even though Clarke was still a rebellious teenager back then who was set on pursuing art, she stood by her mom trough rehab and gave Abby a chance to explain herself. Eventually Clarke forgave her. But after she was sure her dad was okay with it.<br/>
Which, of course he was. Jake Griffin was too good of man for the world to deserve. Maybe that’s why the world decided to take him away so sudden, so painfully.<br/>
In the eleven years following the divorce, Clarke had changed her mind (her mom’s rehab was the final push) and she went to pre-med and then med school. Both of her parents had remarried and she got an amazing stepbrother from her dad’s marriage and Marcus, who she’d known her whole life and considered family even before he married Abby.<br/>
But Clarke knew part of her mom would always love Jake. And his sudden death was a knife in the back from the world. All chances of her parents actually having a good and peaceful relationship after the divorce burned as quick as a match does.<br/>
There was always a part of Clarke that was afraid of her mom relapsing. And Abby took the first step towards that today. Clarke was scared shitless that she can be close to losing her too.<br/>
She gets a text from Marcus, saying he’ll be back in an hour, so she decides to busy herself. Clarke finds all the information Abby had prepared for the funeral and puts it in her purse. Lincoln’s mom passed away five years ago. Abby wasn’t in the right state of mind. Marcus and Thelonious were close friends of Jake but they had too much shit on their heads. There was no one else to plan her dad’s funeral. She already knew she might have to organize it even before she got her mom home. That’s why she told Hannah she would deal with it. That’s why she talked earlier with Wells, asking him to stay over with her till the funeral. He agreed, of course. He was almost as good as her father was.<br/>
An hour after looking trough documents and wills and a dozen necessary phone calls, Marcus finally comes home.<br/>
He finds her in the kitchen, where the butler is preparing the dinner and sending worried glances to Clarke.<br/>
She hugs Kane and he keeps her close.<br/>
“I’m so sorry kiddo. I know no words can take away the pain but know I am here for you” he whispers and she nods.<br/>
“Mom got high. Hannah said she went to the hospital and even though everyone tried to send her back home, she went into surgery. Had to operate on a guy coming from a car crash. I’m proud to say she fixed him up successfully. But she lost it the minute the gloves were off. Took a lot of painkillers and got high. Hannah had to take her to her place till I could go and get her home safely” Clarke says in one breath and finishes the coffee the butler had prepared for her earlier. “I threw away the painkillers left from your broken arm. If you have any other pills or substances that she can relapse with, I’d be really happy if you got rid of them.”<br/>
“Abby is strong, Clarke. She won’t relapse” Marcus tries to assure her but Clarke is very close to tears and the pain of losing her dad is burning her skin. The fear of her mom relapsing and following after her dad makes her blood boil. There’s fire all around Clarke and she can’t wait to go home where she’ll have to make a lot more calls and arrange all of the shit for her dad’s funeral. At least Wells will be with her and stop her from drinking herself out of her mind. At least Wells will be there to hold her and not whisper empty words of comfort when she cries her empty burning tears. At least Wells will be there to remind her that sooner or later tomorrow will come.<br/>
But that tomorrow still seems far enough and all Clarke can feel is fire burning her last resort to stay strong.<br/>
“I won’t lose another parent, Kane” she says through clenched teeth. “Please, lock the wine cellar and give me the keys. Can’t have my mom looking for alcohol to dull her want for pills.”<br/>
“Clarke, that’s ridiculous. I’ll be with her. Nothing is going to happen. You don’t have to worry about her” Marcus tries to smile but fails miserably. He is worried too and Clarke doesn’t even have to look at him to see that.<br/>
“Even if nothing happens. Humor me. Give me one less thing to worry about” she is pleading and she fucking hates how her voice breaks. Clarke Griffin doesn’t beg. But she sure as hell breaks.<br/>
Marcus sighs and goes downstairs. Clarke quickly returns her notes in her purse and sends a sad smile to the butler. Marcus finds her in the entrée of the gorgeous too big of a house and gives her the keys without any reluctance.<br/>
“Please, call if you need anything” he hugs her again and she almost melts.<br/>
Wouldn’t surprise her if she did. She’s burning and trembling so much she’s wondering how Marcus doesn’t notice, how his hands are not ashen after touching her.<br/>
“I will, Kane. Take care of her for me” Clarke nods with the same sad smile she’s been giving everyone the whole day. “And… Take care of yourself too. I’ll send you all the details about the funeral.”<br/>
With that, Clarke jumps into her Jeep and starts driving to the other side of Alpha, where her apartment building is. Her mind goes back to the unpleasant conversation she had with Bellamy, the hot and rude bartender from the previous night, from today. She wonders why the hell was he in Monty’s house. She’ll probably text the boys later to find out but right now all she can think about is his deep voice and assholish smirk; his beautiful eyes and his biting words. He brought her dad too many times and each was a knife to the gut; a match in front of her eyes. Clarke was so angry at his assumptions, at his rudeness, at his behavior and at herself because she just lost her father. She just broke up with Nylah. Her mom got high again after years of being clean. And all she can think about is how she wants to kiss the bartender senseless. Maybe that would finally erase his smirk.<br/>
She pulls over angrily and slams the breaks. She’s so angry at the world. Her dad didn’t deserve to be taken away like this. Her mom didn’t need to be brought back to her darkest self. Nylah didn’t need to deal with Clarke and her being closed off. Clarke didn’t deserve to lose her dad and be pushed by a random jackass when her dad was not even cold yet.<br/>
Clarke slams her hands in her wheel, screaming and shouting, and burning, and crying and bruising her arms, and burning, and the world doesn’t even stop. The world doesn’t care that her tomorrow was taken away. The world doesn’t care that Clarke is close to burning out, as cars are blowing past her, headlights blinding her, car honks mixing with her raucous screams and burning tears.<br/>
Why would the world care that she doesn’t have a tomorrow anymore when it can just burn all good that’s left her and leave her with pain and fears.<br/>
When Clarke gets back in her loft, there’s nothing left of her tears. She hid her puffy eyes with makeup and drank a cheap tea she got from the gas station to smooth her voice out. Her forearms were bruised and redden from her steering wheel, but those she hid easily with the back-up sweater she kept in her car.<br/>
Clarke has control over herself again. Which is good because Wells is waiting for her already, preparing dinner for them in her big kitchen. He’s whistling to some old tune that’s playing from his old record player that Clarke won a bet a couple of years ago. She smiles because Wells was always a good presence in her life and maybe he could drown out the fire. Even for an hour. Clarke is not stupid enough to hope for a minute more.<br/>
She leaves her heels next to the door and throws her coat on the end table. Yes, maybe she looked classier than most sometimes (she went to etiquette lessons when she started walking; dressing well was a habit she didn’t want to rid herself of) and Clarke can understand why Bellamy could see her as the usual rich bitch. Doesn’t give him the right to attack her just because he doesn’t like people different then him.<br/>
“What ya cooking, Jaha?” she shouts and smirks when Wells jumps at the sound of her voice. Just a little.<br/>
“Making your favorite lasagna” he turns to her and sends her a disapproving look. “I know you were crying, Clarke. No amount of makeup can hide it. So why even bother?”<br/>
“If I look stronger than I feel, at some point I might even trick myself into believing it” Clarke shrugs. “Do I have time for a quick shower? I still smell like a brewery from last night.”<br/>
“That’s my favorite alcoholic” Wells puts the oven at a lower heat and gives her a smile. “Why didn’t you take a shower when you woke up, you lazy ass?”<br/>
“You got it right” she sighs. “I am a lazy ass. Part of the reason was that I overslept to the appointment my mom had made for me with the funeral home. If it wasn’t for Lincoln checking up on me in the morning, I would’ve missed it.”<br/>
“How’s Lincoln doing?” Wells moves to join her on the couch.<br/>
“Shows more emotion than I do. He’s not good. And I know it doesn’t make it right, but he has more experience with death than me. He’s dealing with it better because dad isn’t the first important person for Lincoln to lose” Clarke averts her eyes in shame. “He’s doing better because he’s used to death. And part me envies him for his strength. Because, Wells, I was ready to shout at my father’s corpse in the middle of the funeral home. I was ready to fuck it all and just burn his body himself so that the selfish part of me wouldn’t have to be reminded every damn second from now on that he’s gone… And Wells… I just… I can’t…” Clarke starts sobbing and then Well’s arms are holding her tight and sending chilling ice to her veins and suddenly, in between short and harsh breaths, Clarke is reminded that she wasn’t always burning and one day she won’t be anymore.<br/>
Dinner with Wells is a quite ordeal. They decide to sit on the couch and watch Clarke’s guilty pleasure Avatar (and no, not the blue people, jeez). They shout at times at Aang’s naivety and shout way angrier with Sokka’s misogynistic comments in the beginning of book 1. At one point Wells makes them frozen margaritas, knowing perfectly that even though Clarke couldn’t stand tequila, it was her comfort drink. So they start taking longer and longer sips from a batch after another every time Zuko mentions his honor or Iroh drinks his tea and soon they’re both laughing and crying because life is burning worse than hell is (because hell is frozen and Clarke is pleading for more ice in her life right now). They’re both laughing and crying because they lost someone they loved but are able to find the strength to look for their tomorrow.<br/>
They fall asleep hours later, after they’ve reached book 2 of Avatar and Toph has already called Aang “twinkle toes” one too many times, with tangled legs and empty pitchers on the coffee table. They’ll both wake up with shitty hangover in the morning and Wells will have one more day off to help her out with the funeral but that’s tomorrow’s business.<br/>
Even in her dreams, Clarke is ready to laugh at the irony of her tomorrow.<br/>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>Miller has managed to get everyone to come over. His new roommates, Monty and Jasper (after moving all their stuff to the assigned bedrooms) were so excited to meet more new people, that they hid in the kitchen earlier to work on their “moonshine”, which Bellamy was scared to try.<br/>
Miller and Bellamy spend they’re free time playing some video games, when Luna arrives. She gives each of them a curt nod and throws herself in an old armchair that Bellamy brought from their college days.<br/>
“I love kids, but sometimes even I can’t stand to smile cheerfully and encourage them when they draw on the fucking walls” she growls and snaps her fingers in the air. “Wait, where’s Murphy? He loves every chance to bitch out kids.”<br/>
Luna works in a kindergarten and loves with all her heart being able to shape young minds (sometimes too much when they go on trips to the lake and she starts telling them stories about life coming from water and about all the water gods from each mythology). She loves being able to give them freedom to express themselves when not all of the kids had the chance to do so at home. But even for her sometimes kids were too much. Which Bellamy could understand, after all he had raised Octavia almost all by himself. And that was just one child, his own blood. He can’t imagine how hard it must be for Luna, but as he loves to remind her – she’s not working with teenagers, which he could tell you is the equivalent of fucking hell.<br/>
“Murphy isn’t missing a chance to get drunk for free” snorts Miller. “He’ll be here soon.”<br/>
“He’ll be disappointed he missed bitching out kids though” chuckles Bellamy and an excited shouts slips out of him when he kills Miller brutally. “Told you I’d destroy your ass.”<br/>
“Sure. Took you like, what, five hours?” Miller leaves the joystick on the table and stands up. “I’m gonna make sure the boys haven’t destroyed the kitchen and bring them here. You’d love them, Luna. They’re like kids in adults bodies… Well, if kids could smoke weed and create their own alcohol.”<br/>
“They sound adorable” deadpans Luna and Bellamy starts laughing. “I’ll give them a chance if they share some of their weed.”<br/>
“I’m sure they will. They want to make a good impression on you and our other friends” says Bellamy in between laughs.<br/>
Monty and Jasper come back in the living room and Miller is sending them dirty glances.<br/>
“Their alcohol tastes like fucking gasoline. Those two are already trying to kill me to get the house” he mumbles and lands heavily on his spot on the couch. “Luna, those two are Monty and Jasper. The new additions to the delinquents” he smirks. “Who I don’t think will be allowed to give us anything to drink. Ever.”<br/>
“Homemade moonshine is art” says proudly Jasper. “You have to cherish the result so you can get the much needed drunkenness.”<br/>
“Spoken as a true failure” Monty wacks him on the head playfully and Jasper’s goggles fall on his face.<br/>
“We were following your recipe, jackass.”<br/>
At the same time Murphy walks in with a somber expression on his face that immediately lifts when he sees the two boys bicker sitting on the floor.<br/>
“Please tell me I arrived before your sister and her boyfriend” he says instead of hello and Bellamy barely spares him a glance.<br/>
“Yes, you actually came on time for once” mumbles Bellamy.<br/>
“I hope you have popcorn because I’m feeling good about some real life drama tonight” this time Murphy is speaking to Miller who nods amused. “Boys. What the hell are you two doing here?”<br/>
“Miller here decided we’re good enough to fill his empty bedrooms” perks up Monty.<br/>
“Not good enough to fill his empty heart though” smirks Murphy.<br/>
“You ain’t getting any of my beer tonight with that attitude, dickhead” grumbles Miller and stands up to get a drink.<br/>
“Bring me some” Murphy shouts back and sits on the loveseat.<br/>
“How do you two know our black sheep?” Luna asks curious.<br/>
“They were in college with a friend of mine” says quickly Murphy and sends a pointed look to Monty and Jasper that doesn’t slip by Bellamy.<br/>
“She saved our asses so many times when we started. She was almost graduating and had to cover our shit so often. Still wondering why she hasn’t killed us yet” Monty laughs with a gentle expression and now both Bellamy and Luna are intrigued.<br/>
Bellamy is about to ask them to tell him more, but Miller comes back with a beer for everyone, including Murphy, and takes his phone out.<br/>
“I’m going to order pizza. Jasper, Monty. What do you two want?” he asks them because he knows everyone else’s preferences.<br/>
When the food is finally ordered and they’re all talking and drinking in the living room, Octavia burst in, Lincoln right behind her.<br/>
“We’re back, bitches!” she shouts as she slams the door and smiles brightly at her brother.<br/>
“Hey, O” he stands to hug her and then turns around to give Lincoln a polite nod but Lincoln isn’t paying him any attention.<br/>
“Never did I expect to see you two here” he smiles brightly to the stoner kids. “But if you’re not with my sister who is?”<br/>
Murphy starts smirking and gets up to sit right next to Bellamy.<br/>
“Please, please, give me a good shitshow. Our get-togethers started getting boring,” he mutters to Bellamy but he still doesn’t get it.<br/>
“Oh, my God!” Octavia shrieks and jumps to hug both of the boys. “Tell me you two weren’t bribed to come here by Murphy.”<br/>
“Not this time” Murphy smirks and squeezes Bellamy’s shoulder. Hard.<br/>
“They’re my new roommates, Octavia. Can someone explain how the two of you” he points curiously to Monty and Jasper, “know Murphy, Octavia and Lincoln?”<br/>
“Well, that’s easy” smiles brightly Octavia and sits down between the boys. “Those two are close with Lincoln’s step-sister, Clarke. And Murphy’s been following her around like a lost puppy because he loves his drinking buddy this much. Which explains how those two know him” she shrugs as that’s easy enough but something in his chest tightens.<br/>
“Clarke, as the one who was drinking with me last night at the Dropship” supplies helpfully Murphy and Bellamy’s heart drops.<br/>
Because that’s not possible. Clarke was just some annoying random girl who somehow made the same mistake as he did to keep Murphy around.<br/>
Bellamy has heard Lincoln talk about his stepsister so many times and he had developed a good feeling about her. He actually had wondered when he would meet the infamous girl who had done so much for Lincoln, who was the reason Lincoln managed to open his own art gallery and supported him all the time. The girl who talked back and made him see red and feel shame prickling on his skin last night. The girl whose father was step to Lincoln. The father the both lost last night.<br/>
And he didn’t stop rubbing her assumed shitty and fake relationships with both of her parents both last night and today.<br/>
“I’m a fucking dick” he exhales and Murphy laughs bitterly.<br/>
“There it is. Don’t disappoint now, Blake” he keeps encouraging him.<br/>
“Shut up, Murphy” Bellamy reddens and wants to sink into the ground.<br/>
Clarke being Lincoln’s stepsister should’ve been fucking obvious. He knew the name of Lincoln’s stepfather. Jake Griffin. Had even seen pictures of his family with Lincoln. He had heard Octavia mention her from time to time.<br/>
So many things started making sense. He remembers seeing Lincoln leave her loft in the morning. The loft across Echo’s. He knows now it was her sobbing he fell asleep to last night. He was a big dick to her last night assuming about her life and making fun of her breakup. When she had just lost her father.<br/>
Now Murphy’s comments about him being a jackass last night also make sense.<br/>
It makes sense why Jasper and Monty ran to her today and hugged her as if their life depended on it. The conversation he overheard in Mrs. Green’s kitchen. The distraught state of her mom. He feels even worse when he remembers his comments about reality check. He wants to throw up because while he may enjoy annoying random assholes every now and then, he makes sure never to be cruel. And he was cruel to a girl who did nothing to him, without provoking him in any way. He was cruel to a girl who did nothing to deserve it and probably just dug deeper in the fresh and raw wound.<br/>
He wants to fucking throw up because he was the definition of cruel. His skin is burning and he can’t make himself face anyone. He’s burning and Clarke’s words from earlier are ringing in his head.<br/>
There’s no tomorrow anymore she had said. I want to hate you. But what’s the point? she had sounded so small, so empty and sad and Bellamy is burning from shame.<br/>
He hasn’t realized that everyone were staring at him with confused faces. Only Murphy shows a knowing smirk but that makes him feel worse because Murphy doesn’t even know the half of it.<br/>
“Fuck” he grumbles.<br/>
“Fuck is right” Murphy sighs and drops his smirk. “Clarke and Bellamy met last night at the Dropship. Had a shitty argument. Wasn’t pretty” he offers to the group and Bellamy makes himself look at Lincoln who is staring at him even more confused.<br/>
“Sorry about her” Lincoln looks sheepish. “She can get really bad when’s drunk or sad. And I’m sure she was both last night. She’s a nice person but… Well, it is not easy to lose the person you love the most.”<br/>
Bellamy looks down again and nods in shame. Lincoln is apologizing for his sister. To him. If Lincoln knew what had come out of Bellamy’s mouth he probably would’ve decked him, without even blinking. And Lincoln was bigger than Bellamy, in a scary, terrifying way. Bellamy would deserve it though. He wants to shed his skin because he’s hot and everything is burning and…<br/>
Lincoln puts a hand on his shoulder.<br/>
“Although I’m pretty sure you didn’t just stand around and taking her quietly. And that’s okay, Bellamy.”<br/>
He’s lost of words.<br/>
What surprises him is that Murphy is the one speaking after. What surprises him more is what he says.<br/>
“Don’t worry about that, Lincoln. Clarke didn’t knock him out, so it wasn’t that bad” he shrugs and then stands up. “Now, where’s the damn pizza?”<br/>
An hour later Bellamy still feels deeply ashamed from himself but no one is paying him any attention. It is Monty who finally notices his distraught expression. He nods at him to follow him to the kitchen, where he pours them both a glass of the gasoline-smelling drink the boys made earlier.<br/>
“You know, Clarke sounded pretty pissed last night” Monty finally says after a minute of awkward silence. “She told me most of what both of you said. Now, I don’t know you at all, but you don’t strike me as hateful or cruel, Bellamy. What you said is inexcusable but I’m sure there was a reason for it. Now, I don’t want your explanations or neither do I want to chastise you for it. It seems like you might see her more often than you used to. I’m asking you to give her a chance. She’ll probably be rude and bite at every opportunity and I get that. But you need to give her the chance to see what I saw in just a couple of hours.”<br/>
“I saw her today too, at your mom’s place. I said some shitty stuff to her today too.”<br/>
“Yeah, the thought came to my mind when I figured out you were the one she was bitching about last night and you were both in the same place tonight. She can hold a grudge, trust me. But she will relax if you give her time. It will be worth it. This way you can apologize. She owes you an apology too, don’t get me wrong. What Lincoln said was true – she is the devil in disguise when she’s drunk and sad.”<br/>
“She said some things to your mom… She said she wanted to hate her, but there was no point to it. She told your mom that she doesn’t blame her. What was that all about?” Bellamy rises his eyebrows, unable to stop his curiosity. He knows he majorly fucked up. He just wants how worse it can get.<br/>
“Clarke, mom and Abby, that’s Clarke’s mom, all work in Arkadia General. All of them are trauma surgeons, but Abby is the head one. Clarke was waiting in the parking lot for a tow truck when her dad was brought in. Both of our mother was working. Mom thought that I was already with Clarke, we were supposed to hang out last night, and she managed to convince Abby not to call Clarke until her dad was out of the woods. He died while my mom was operating on him” Monty looks even sadder and that breaks Bellamy’s heart.<br/>
“That is fucking bullshit, man. I guess Clarke doesn’t really blame Hannah?” he drags a shaking hand through his curls.<br/>
“Um, yes? Clarke knows that it’s a shitshow sometimes in the OR. She’s lost patients too. She can’t hate mom for being the only available surgeon besides her mom who could work on her dad. He would’ve survived if the ambulance had gotten there on time but… Bellamy, trust me. I know it’s a shitty situation. I can see the guilt written all over your face. Don’t torture yourself anymore, man” Monty shakes his head and clicks his glass to Bellamy’s. “I suggest getting drunk so Lincoln doesn’t find out what you said and knock you out. I’m surprised that neither Clarke or Murphy did that last night. Murphy is strangely protective of Clarke” he shrugs. “Tomorrow you can figure out how give her an apology that is not coming from guilt and is not empty.”<br/>
“Monty. Lincoln invited me to the funeral” Bellamy whispers ashamed.<br/>
“You have to go. For Lincoln. Don’t torture yourself anymore tonight” Monty repeats and finishes his drink, coughing a bit. “Jasper and I can help you figure it out.”<br/>
“I’m glad Miller decided to keep you two” Bellamy somehow finds it in himself to smile.<br/>
“You and me, man” Monty smiles back and turns to the living room. “You coming?”<br/>
Bellamy swallows the gasoline drink and gags, hardly keeping it in.<br/>
“Sure.”<br/>
It takes a lot of time for Bellamy to relax around his friends but at least no one mentions Jake’s passing or Clarke, for which he’s grateful. But he knows it’s for Lincoln’s benefit. No one would do it for him if they knew how cruel he was. No one would do it for him if they knew that he was a monster.<br/>
He doesn’t get rid of the burning feeling the whole night and when he passes out on Miller’s bedroom floor with his friend snoring on the bed and Murphy playing with a switchable across from him, he can’t stop thinking about Clarke’s words.<br/>
There’s no tomorrow anymore.<br/>
She’s wrong. There is a tomorrow, just a terrifying version of it.<br/>
Bellamy falls asleep with Clarke words echoing in his mind. Even in his dreams, Bellamy is ready to laugh at the irony of his tomorrow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter will be the funeral. Prepare for some feelings guys!<br/>I promise, Becho breakup is coming very soon. Trust me, I hate the ship a lot and I don't hate it because of Bellarke. I can't connect to it and even can't figure out how to write them.<br/>If anyone wants to read something specificaly in this fic, I'm open to suggestions, even though I have the main plot line figured out.<br/>As always kudos and coments are appreciated!</p><p>Stay safe and hydrated!<br/>Socials are @katewantsadrink<br/>Thank you for reading!</p><p>~Kate</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Memento Mori</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go! Feelings coming. I don't know how to do trigger warnings but imma try. </p><p>TW: panic attack; funeral; mentions of drug abuse<br/>Chapter name - 6x06<br/>Enjoy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Clarke has been awake for hours now. She somehow managed to sleep an hour, but the thought of finally putting her father in the ground kept her awake.</p><p>The portrait she had painted for him a couple years back is leaning now on her blue bedroom wall. Her black dress and heels are prepared on the armchair near the window nook. Her eulogy is sitting on the desk, ink mixed with tears. The list of stuff she needs to do before the actual service is spread open on her ottoman at the end of the bed and Clarke’s been staring at it for the past hour.</p><p>Clarke is on the floor, her back pressed painfully to the door of her walk-in closet. There are long-dried tears on her cheeks and her face is blank. She is not ready for the funeral. Well, from emotional point at least. She organized it so perfectly that she would be proud of herself if the reason for the event wasn’t so depressing.</p><p>Clarke spent the last couple of days split between crying while taking ice cold showers (the burning still hasn’t stopped) and organizing the guests, the service and following her dad’s wishes. Wells and Raven were taking turns staying over at her place. Murphy showed up once and they got so drunk that Clarke spent an hour over the toilet seat, puking her guts out. Lincoln made sure to talk to her every day, and so did Monty and Jasper.</p><p>Harper had been huge help – she took care of the food and drinks the Griffins would offer in Abby’s mansion for the visitation and the reception. Harper had used the butler, Mr. Harris, to cooperate and make sure nothing would go wrong in the house, while Clarke was dealing with funeral directors and distance relatives who wanted the funeral to follow Christian traditions. Clarke had laughed in the face of her great-aunt Marge when she suggested that a priest would be the best person to do the funeral. Jake had been an atheist in life. And though the funeral may be for the living, Clarke wasn’t going to let people put their beliefs on top of her dad’s.</p><p>Jackson, one of her colleagues who worked as neurosurgeon, was also a great help. He made sure no one would put Clarke and Abby on-call till the funeral and kept tabs on Hannah for her. Clarke wasn’t a fool. She knew Jake’s death had affected Monty’s mom deeply.</p><p>Marcus called her only once, saying that her mom was crying all the time, but she hadn’t tried to go back to pills. One less thing to worry about, he’d said.</p><p>Yeah, because the chances of her mom relapsing, even slim as they always were before her dad’s passing, had always lived in the back of her mind. Didn’t matter that Marcus thought her mom was doing better now. He wasn’t the one holding Abby’s hand through the shakes of the detox and the tearful and hoarse pleadings for just one more pill. He wasn’t the one crying next to her mom’s bed after she had tired herself out from begging years ago.</p><p>Clarke had a right to her fears and no man could reassure her because they thought they knew better. She loved Marcus, she did. But he wasn’t there ages ago. He might be here now but that is not enough for Clarke. She’s always at her best when she’s in control. And controlling her fears by not covering them with fake assurances was what Clarke did best.</p><p>Abby hadn’t reached out to Clarke and that did nothing to calm her down.</p><p>And that’s why Clarke is staring at the list of last arrangements with a blank expression. She has a couple of hours left until the funeral. A couple of hours left where control of everything is at most importance. After that, she can cry. She can yell. She can break. She can burn and turn into ash.</p><p>Now, Clarke is keeping it barely together, giving her body some time to prepare. Usually, when she can’t sleep, she spends her time drawing or reading. Sometimes even working out. But she spends the night hours moving from the bed to the arm chair to the ottoman to the floor, staring at nothing and itching to scratch at her burning skin.</p><p>That’s how Raven finds her in the early morning. Most of Clarke’s friends have a key to her place and she doesn’t even pretend to mind that. She doesn’t need her personal space when her friends are the ones to make her feel safe. They’re her comfort zone and each smile and touch and hug she gets from them is able to extinguish a tiny bit of the fire threatening to swallow her whole.</p><p>Raven sits on her bed and sends her an encouraging smile. The brace on her naked leg reflects the lights from the morning sun. Her black dress is covered with a black blazer and her hair is in the usual ponytail. Clarke notes that Raven looks beautiful even when ready for a day such as today.</p><p>“Hey, Griffin” Raven leans back on her hands. “Did you get any sleep?”<br/>
“I can sleep after all is done with” Clarke shrugs and finally gets up from the floor, her legs stiff from the unmoving stand she had taken earlier. “Wells and Murphy will be here in thirty minutes. Can you get some coffee ready? I need to take a shower.”<br/>
“I can make us some breakfast too. Or you probably want to wait for our jerk of a chef?” Raven smirks and looks curiously at the paper littering her ottoman.<br/>
“I’m not hungry, Rae” sighs Clarke and grabs her towel. “Just get me some coffee, please.”<br/>
“You have it” Raven stands up too and grabs the list. “You want any help with those? I can make some of the phone calls needed while you’re in the shower.”<br/>
“No need” Clarke gives her a sad smile. “I can deal with everything, you know that. Just watch the news or something. I’ll be quick.”<br/>
“I know you can deal with everything by yourself. Doesn’t mean you have to. Clarke, you’re allowed to let other people help you sometimes” Raven squeezes her shoulder but knows better than to argue with Clarke when she’s like this. So Raven goes downstairs to prepare her homemade coffee and Clarke hides in her shower.</p><p>Clarke’s shower is brief and icy. Clarke would turn the water even colder if she could. She doesn’t think it’s fair to be warm when her dad will always stay cold. That may be her punishment – burning every second of every day. Irony never could escape Clarke and does not escape her now either.</p><p>Forty minutes later Clarke is downstairs, with wet waves dripping cold water on her black dress and her heels and purse thrown on the carpet in the living room. She settles down on a barstool and leans on the counter. Raven is across her, chatting with Wells, while Murphy is making pancakes.<br/>
“Good morning, Ice Queen” chirps up Murphy from the stove and sends her his usual sly smile. “Ready to conquer the world with blank faces and narrowed eyes?”<br/>
“Only if the world would tremble in front of me” Clarke shrugs, glad that Murphy is here and does not pity her.</p><p>Murphy knows what to say to give her ounces of power she needs to keep herself going today. Murphy won’t pity her or give her empty promises that it would get better. Murphy will stare her down and feed her with biting words instead, helping her make the fire in her veins her own, under her control. Even if it’s for a minute. Clarke has never appreciated him more than she does right now.</p><p>“You two are seriously messed up” whistles Raven and gives Clarke a cup of steaming coffee. “Sometimes I really worry about your mental health.”<br/>
“Why? We’re both past saving, Reyes” smirks Murphy and flips the last pancake. “Would the Ice Queen want some breakfast with her plans to make the world fear her or is she sticking to her coffee?”<br/>
“You won’t force-feed me. Why even bother asking then?” asks Clarke and gulps at her steaming coffee.</p><p>Her throat is burning but she’s familiar with the sensation. It cannot hurt her anymore. All that is left of her is the burning shadow of pain and fear.</p><p>“Don’t turn into a lost cause on me, Clarke” Raven pokes her in the ribs. “You want to keep your hot boobs, right? You might have to eat from time to time then.”<br/>
“Not today, Rae” Clarke pokes her back and turns to Wells. “Your dad is still helping mom and Marcus prepare the house, right?”<br/>
“He’s already there, making sure to put some food in Abby. Can’t believe she’s less stubborn than her daughter for once.”<br/>
“Miracles happen every day, Jaha” Murphy joins them around the island with a dish of pancake mountain. “Eat before Griffin here gets us to leave and starts using us as her own personal assistants.”</p><p>Thirty minutes later they’re at the Griffin mansion, Clarke’s portrait of Jake in Murphy’s hands. Clarke’s heels click annoyingly on the marble floor in the entrée. There, close to the stairs, are a couple of memory tables. One of Jake’s wishes was that the venue would be covered with unusual stuff to remember him by.</p><p>Like the posters that Clarke had spent hours on making from the caricatures that her dad had spread all over the blueprints of his projects left in the house. Like his favorite book and movie quotes written around pictures of Jake with his family and his friends. Like the recipe of his homemade sangria (which sucked). Like his framed favorite puzzle of abstract animals that he, Clarke and Wells finished twenty years ago (Jake called it his biggest accomplishment; it took them two weeks to finish the 20k pieces of monstrosity). Like the spread around rainbow flags of the LGBTQ+ community (he always had one in every room in honor of his daughter). Like the beautiful tulips in vases all around the house (his favorite flower). Like the empty container next to a basket of round and smooth stones (that he’d collected throughout the years from family holidays at the beach) and many permanent markers. Every guest could write their name and some memory of Jake on a stone and put it in the container if they wished so.</p><p>Clarke made sure to follow every last wish of her dad. Now she’s glad she did because the big house is stunning and cozy. The usual sad walls now ooze Jake’s energy and her heart warms a bit. The whole atmosphere screams her dad and Clarke feels herself relax. She did that. She managed to give him the power to warm even the coldest of hearts after death too.</p><p>“Clarke, that’s fucking amazing” whispers Raven astonished and takes off her blazer.<br/>
Mr. Harris gets all of their coats and gives Clarke a reassuring smile.<br/>
“You should see the living room. Clarke definitely outdid herself” says the butler and leads them to the enormous living room.<br/>
The open casket is near the big fireplace that hasn’t been used in ages. Probably since Jake moved out eleven years ago. Clarke can’t make herself go and see her dad yet. She is not sure if it’s selfish of her but seeing his dead body once was enough. She knows she has to do it again though. Still has time till that, at least.</p><p>Mr. Harris gives instructions to Murphy as to where to put the magnificent portrait of Jake and Raven helps him spread some tulips under it. Wells goes over to his dad and Marcus, while Clarke looks around the place where they’re holding both the visitation and the reception at the same time. The committal service is only for family and close friends.</p><p>She knows how everything is supposed to look but is even happier with the final result. Mr. Harris and the other staff working in the mansion followed all of her instructions perfectly. The big creamy couches are pushed to the floor-to-ceiling windows (that look into the garden), freeing space for enough chairs. Clarke knows they’re too much guests coming today. She hates social gatherings when the invited ones are from her parents’ circle of life, but today she doesn’t mind it. She made sure to invite all of the people who actually cherished and respected her dad.</p><p>Near the full bookshelves across the windows are a couple of tables of Jake’s favorite snacks and drinks. Her dad wasn’t an alcoholic but loved joking around that somewhere there’s a happy hour going on (it was usually after an exhausting day or when celebrating his daughter). There’s also coffee and tea for the more conservative guests, but Clarke is sure that she and Murphy, most likely Raven too, would be the first to enjoy the unusual concoctions that her dad loved.</p><p>Clarke sighs and turns to join Wells, Thelonious and Marcus, while Raven and Murphy are standing near the open casket in silence. Jake had helped them both when they’d struggled. Clarke is reminded of the fact that he wasn’t a role model only to her. He gave and gave to the people surrounding him, warming they’re hearts, bringing light back in their lives.<br/>
But they all live in a cruel world. Pure souls like Jake are taken away without any repercussion and tortured closed-off people like Clarke are given longer and longer. Why, she wonders. What is it that makes the world feed on irony and pain?</p><p>“Thelonious, Kane” she nods in greeting. “Where’s mom?”<br/>
“In the garden” sighs Marcus and stands up to hug her. “Your dad would have loved this. And we haven’t even started yet.”<br/>
“Guests will start arriving soon. Did you see the stones? I thought you would’ve written something already.”<br/>
“Too many memories to choose from” Jaha sends her a smile and takes a sip of his coffee. “I can assure you, the container will be overflowing with stones of beautiful memories soon enough.”<br/>
Clarke smiles and goes to the back garden. Her mom is standing in a gorgeous stone gazebo that Jake had built. There were flowers and ivy growing on its columns now but it made it more charming.<br/>
“Hey, mom” Clarke stands next to her and intertwines their fingers. “How are you feeling?”<br/>
“He’s really gone” whispers Abby and turns to look at her daughter with tears in her eyes. “I still can’t believe it, Clarke.”<br/>
“I know” agrees Clarke and bites back the cold words that she wants to say.</p><p>
  <em>Yes, he is gone. He is gone and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I didn’t get to because you took my last moments with him away. I could’ve helped him. I helped you when you were at death’s doors. I could’ve helped him too. If only you had told me. I was still at the hospital. Maybe I could’ve saved him. But you didn’t give either of us the chance to find out.</em>
</p><p>Clarke is bitter. She knows that. She also knows that while not being entirely unreasonable, she can’t dump all of her vile words on her mom. So she just hugs her and listens to her mother’s quiet sobs. Clarke’s still keeping her tears at bay. She can cry as much as she wants after. Tomorrow. When she finally gets to it.</p><p>“Your dad would be proud of you, sweetheart” says Abby and Clarke lets one silent tear slip away.<br/>
Her heart is breaking, she’s burning and she’s hardly breathing. Because she knew she would hear those words at least a dozen times today and won’t stop hearing them till the day she dies. She will hear them from people who mean them but never again from her dad.</p><p>So Clarke just holds her mom tighter and gives some of her power to Abby, wishing she could take her pain away. Wishing she could bear it on her own. Because Clarke knows she is strong enough for it. Because Clarke knows her mom doesn’t deserve the pain of losing her first and biggest love. She’s silently pleading the world to give her the pain of her mom. She pleads to turn into Atlas and give her mom the freedom of life empty of pain and guilt.</p><p>The world stays silent. Clarke is burning and is waiting to turn into ash because then. Then finally, she won’t be betrayed by it anymore.</p><p>She gets Abby back inside and finds a blanket to throw on her shoulders. Abby is left with Marcus and Thelonious to warm up and Clarke can’t understand how her mom is feeling cold. Maybe the empathy makes Abby feel like her late ex-husband. Clarke doesn’t understand it and is left with the burning pit in her body.</p><p>She joins her friends near the tables of cocktails and against her better judgment, she grabs the one with too many different alcohols in it. “Bisexual disaster” her dad had called it. Her comfort cocktail. And of course, it included shit ton of tequila in it. Wells just raises an eyebrow while sipping his tea (he was never the coffee type).</p><p>“People are arriving” notes Raven and shuffles a bit to lean on Murphy’s shoulder because from time to time, especially when it gets colder, like today, her leg kills her. “Who else is speaking today?”<br/>
“Me” shrugs Clarke but that’s the obvious answer (that she doesn’t want to give). “Lincoln. Jaha. Marcus doesn’t want to leave my mom’s side and mom doesn’t want to stand in front of all of the guests when she can barely stand in front of her own reflection right now.”<br/>
“You sure you’ll be okay giving the eulogy?” Wells asks her and throws an arm around her shoulders. She’s feeling instantly colder and knows that Well’s warmth is managing to throw off the burning sensation in her cells. “I know you’re strong enough to do it, that’s not why I’m asking. I’m just not sure that you giving it is what you need, Clarke.”<br/>
“Tell me who else can do it and I’ll gladly step aside” she sighs and takes a sip of the sour cocktail. He stays silent and Clarke gives a bitter smile. “Yes. That’s what I thought.”</p><p>That’s when Raven, who knows Clarke can turn this quickly into an argument, changes the topic.<br/>
“Do you think that Lincoln will bring his girlfriend?” she smiles gently. “Still haven’t met her but she has to be amazing for him to be this smitten.”<br/>
“About that…” starts Murphy but is interrupted when Clarke’s great-aunt arrives and pulls her aside.</p><p>“Oh, my sweet child” she starts and the smell of cigarettes hits Clarke. She wants to gag. “It is beautiful but why not in a church?”<br/>
“Dad was an atheist, Marge. You know that he’d turn in his grave if we held the visitation and the reception in a church” deadpans Clarke and is satisfied with the horrific face Marge makes. “Duty calls” she says to her friends and leads her great-aunt to the other adults.<br/>
Kane and Jaha can deal with the conservative people.</p><p>After Clarke is swallowed by the waves of mourning people arriving. A lot of them give her pitiful glances. Some hug her. Some have the audacity to complain that they’re not in a church (she wants to slap each of them). Some ask her questions about the posters, the pictures and Jake’s drawings. Those she answers with a warm smile and tries to replicate her dad’s warmth in her words.</p><p>It’s not long after when she hears her name being called from the entrée. She turns around just in time to be embraced by Octavia, Lincoln’s girlfriend. She melts in the girl’s arms and squeezes her back.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Clarke. I know those words mean shit” Octavia shrugs but gives her a sad smile. “But know that I feel your pain and am here for you. If you’d like to have my support, that is.”<br/>
“I’m glad you’re here, Tavia” Clarke gives her a real smile and steps back. “Lincoln is lucky to have you.”<br/>
“I’m the lucky one” chuckles Octavia and pulls her boyfriend next to them.</p><p>“Clarke” Lincoln hugs her tight and ruffles her slightly wet waves. “You look better than last time I saw you.”<br/>
“Which means the bitch gets better at hiding herself” mumbles Raven, who suddenly is next to her and looking at Octavia with curious eyes. “How did you manage to find yourself such a hot piece, Linc?”</p><p>Clarke laughs, actually laughs, because Murphy’s not the only one who knows what to say. Each of her friends gives her power in a different way – Murphy by being his usual self and biting at her, Wells by holding her and but not smoldering her, Raven by being curious and cheerful even when faced with death. She loves her friends. Which reminds her…</p><p>“Where are my two favorite stoners?” she raises a brow and looks around.<br/>
“Coming with Hannah, Miller and my brother” says Octavia.<br/>
“I think now is the time to tell you that her brother is Bellamy Blake. The owner of the Dropship” says sheepishly Lincoln and Clarke is suddenly back to burning uncontrollably.</p><p>She takes a breath. And then another one. The burning still hurts her and is trying to destroy her but she won’t let it.</p><p>“What a fine detail to leave until the last moment, Woods” she says through clenched teeth and Raven pokes her in the ribs.<br/>
“You’re not allowed to lose it yet, Griffin” hisses Raven who was also familiar with the unpleasant meetings of Clarke and Bellamy. “You say you’re strong enough to handle it. Don’t let me down by losing it. And especially not when Murphy ain’t here to see it” she whispers and Clarke nods once.</p><p> Two times.</p><p>And the burning is drown out a bit. She’s breathing fresh air again, not smoke anymore.</p><p>Her eyes focus on the culprit of her almost panic attack behind Lincoln and Octavia’s backs and she goes straight to him. His eyes open in shock when he recognizes her and he takes a step back. Maybe he sees the fire in her eyes. Maybe he doesn’t want to get burnt. Good. Clarke can work with that.</p><p>“Small world, Blake” she says instead of greeting when she’s in front of him. Bellamy is towering above her but looks like a deer in headlights. “Thank you for coming. I guess. For Lincoln” she nods at him and is proud of herself for keeping it calm.<br/>
“I’m sorry for your loss, Princess” Bellamy sighs and Clarke bristles at the nickname. She doesn’t give him time to see the effect it has on her. “I know, I know. Empty words coming from a guy who’s shown you nothing but cruelty, a guy you hate. I mean them, though” he looks awkward when he drags a hand through his hair, attracting Clarke’s eyes to his beautiful curls.</p><p>Clarke is at loss of words. She stares at him confused and somehow manages to nod.<br/>
“Mr. Harris will be with you shortly to take your coat away. There are refreshments in the living room where the memorial will be held” she says in one breath and meets his eyes.</p><p>They’re filled with regret and guilt and Clarke is <em>back</em> to <em>burning. </em>Clarke doesn’t remember how to breathe. She knows she dislikes him. But she’s not sure she hates him. Can she hate him when he admits his cruelty and his eyes tell more about his feelings than he’s ever said?</p><p>“Mr. Harris is…?”<br/>
“The butler, Blake” she says quietly and looks around but he seems lost in the crowd. “Oh, for fuck’s sake! Just give it to me” Clarke shakes her head and doesn’t look at his muscles looking more defined in his white shirt when he takes his coat off. Definitely not.<br/>
Clarke puts it the coat closet near the entrance and turns to Bellamy again, who’s left in the too fit shirt and a black blazer.</p><p>“Refrain of speaking to me till the end of the funeral” she says as cold as possible. “If there’s anything you want to say after, you can do it while serving me shots later. But for now, I don’t want to hear a thing coming out of your mouth.”<br/>
Bellamy nods at her with a sad smile and walks away from her. Clarke is burning and she can’t breathe and she needs to <em>get out. </em></p><p>Her whole body is itching from the heat, her eyes are tearing from the smoke, her heart turns to ash and her lungs are ready to collapse. But then she sees Monty, Jasper and Hannah walk inside with a charming young man in tow and she forces a fake smile. She goes to greet them and lets the fire destroy her bit by bit.</p><p>Everyone is settled down fifteen minutes later. There’s a pianist playing quietly in the background and almost silent chatter between the guests that is too loud for Clarke. Jaha is the one officiating the ceremony and he asks everyone for some quiet. He stands in front of the open casket (Clarke still hasn’t looked inside) and his eyes take everyone in. There’s no microphone as most of the movies show. Her dad would’ve hated that.</p><p>“We are gathered here today to honor the life of Jake Griffin” starts Jaha and smiles kindly to the people across him.<br/>
Clarke is sitting in the front row, in between her mom and Wells. Her other friends are sitting behind her on the second row, and Lincoln and Octavia are on the other side of Wells. Marcus is holding Abby’s hand. Bellamy bay be sitting far enough from her but she can still feel his breathing on her neck. Him showing up does not help her keep calm. She is <em>frustrated. </em>She is <em>burning. </em>She is surprised she’s still <em>breathing.</em></p><p>Clarke feels his eyes on her back and she wants to <em>run.</em></p><p>“Jake never believed there was an afterlife. He didn’t believe in the saying of a better place and I am certain his beliefs led him to peace. However that looks for him” Jaha takes a deep breath. “Most of you know Jake as one of the brightest engineers of our time, but we all recognize him as something more. He was a good friend to many, a guide for any seeking the way, a loving husband, a supportive father” he looks at Clarke with a sad smile. “Yet, those words don’t seem enough to describe him. Jake lived a good life. He was passionate about his work and passionate about his family. He saw the good in everyone and gave more than most of us deserved. I remember when Jake, Marcus and I met in college. Marcus was in a bad place and I was chasing false gods. Jake found us and gave us strength to stand on our feet. To smile at the world and find our happiness. To live, not just survive. That’s what he wanted for each of us. To strive to live. To live and love and enjoy life” Jaha is looking at Clarke and she’s trembling.<br/>
She can’t do this anymore.<br/>
She stands up and <em>bolts</em> from the living room.</p><p>She can feel everyone’s eyes on herself. She can hear Wells and Raven calling after her. She doesn’t <em>care</em>. There are tears streaming down her face and each of them leaves <em>boiling</em> streaks on her skin. She gets to the wrap around porch and that is where she falls, gulping for air, curling on herself.<br/>
She squeezes herself as hard as she can. She needs to breathe but she does not remember how and there is nothing but pain and the world almost turns black like the ashen parts of her heart. She needs to breathe but she does not remember how and there is nothing but fire in her veins and the world’s laughter of her distraught state.</p><p>“Princess…” someone is saying panicking and a hand reaches to steady her shaking body. “Clarke. <em>Fuck. </em>Hey, hey” the voice is strangely familiar. “You’re okay, Clarke. Nothing else might be, but <em>you are</em> okay. <em>Fuck. </em>Try to breathe for me, Princess” the person falls to her eye level and she is shocked to see Bellamy squeezing her shoulders, giving her another feeling to ground herself to.<br/>
“Bell… Bellamy?” she’s barely breathing and just saying his name is enough to almost send her in the calmness of the darkness.<br/>
“Shh, Princess. Don’t talk yet. Just breathe” he says and takes a deep breath through his nose and holds his for a bit then releases it through his mouth. “Okay, can you repeat that? Fuck, Clarke, do as I do” Bellamy repeats the breathing pattern and after a couple tries Clarke succeeds into following his breaths.  “That is, Princess. Knew you could do it.”</p><p>She calms after a couple more minutes and is suddenly struck with the realization that <em>Bellamy </em>is the one helping her out of her panic attack.<br/>
“Thank you” she whispers with a broken voice. And then, because she’s an honest person and he just saved her from herself. “I don’t hate you, Bellamy” Clarke likes the taste of his name on his lips.<br/>
“It’s alright if you do. I was cruel to you” he says back, takes off his blazer and puts it around her shoulders. “Are you cold? You’re shaking but I don’t know if it’s from the panic or…” Bellamy shakes his head.</p><p>Clarke realizes that she isn’t burning anymore. She is actually <em>freezing </em>because it’s too damn cold outside. That’s the first time since her dad’s death that she doesn’t feel the fire threatening to destroy her. Somehow, Bellamy managed to drown all of it out and now Clarke is left yearning for it. But she thinks she prefers the cold. The cold doesn’t hurt her like the fire does.</p><p>“It’s from the cold. Thank you, Bellamy” she repeats and gives him a reassured smile that she’s sure looks like a grimace. “And you said some cruel things to me, that’s true. I do not believe you’re a cruel person, though” she whispers and looks at the gazebo in the distance. “I may have not been deserving of the vile words but something tells me you already feel guilty enough about it. I don’t hate you. I don’t think you’re cruel. I still dislike you. And I’m so grateful you helped me out” she stands on shaking legs and holds out her hand. “Come on, inside is warmer.”</p><p>Bellamy takes her hand and stands up too. They go back into the house where she can hear Lincoln talking. Good. She’s happy the memorial is still continuing. Her family deserves the chance to hear all the sweet words everyone has to say about Jake, regardless of her running out of the room like the weakling she pretends not to be.</p><p>“Are you okay?” asks her Bellamy when she stops abruptly before the curve leading to the living room. “Dumb question. You doing better?”<br/>
“Than usual? No, I’m shit at emotions. Than a few minutes ago? Definitely” she grins at him and he seems surprised at her reaction.<br/>
“I’m shit at emotions too” he offers.<br/>
“I guess it’s an asshole streak we are all bound to share” it’s an olive branch in a way. She hopes Bellamy takes it.<br/>
“What a wonderful thing to share” he smiles. He takes it. “I’m glad you’re better than a few minutes ago. It was terrifying to see the girl who put me in my place barely breathing.”<br/>
“It was terrifying to be her” Clarke shrugs. “Thank you, for coming after me.”<br/>
“I… I used to get a lot of panic attacks after my mom died. I didn’t want to bother Octavia with them; our life had just burnt to nothing. I guess I got good at handling them” Bellamy sounds ashamed and awkward and Clarke feels the surprising want to tease him.<br/>
“I’m sorry about your mom, Bellamy. I’m sure she was a wonderful woman.”<br/>
“Oh, she was. Most of the time” he smiles back at her.<br/>
“We all die, sooner or later” she whispers. “Even if we’re the best people in the world.”</p><p>Clarke takes off his blazer and hands it back to him awkwardly.<br/>
“I might want to hear what you have to say over those shots later” she blushes a bit.<br/>
“We’re meeting in the Dropship after the service. For Lincoln. The bar will be empty. You and your friends are invited to join us. And you are invited to bite my head off, if you want, Princess. I deserve it” Bellamy smirks and goes back in the living room.</p><p>Clarke turns to the closest picture on the wall – one of her dad, Wells, Thelonious and her from when she broke her arm when she fell down a tree when she was just seven. Even with the cast, she looked so happy. All because of her actual and chosen family.</p><p>She takes a deep breath and rejoins the memorial. She gives herself two outs – she doesn’t give a eulogy and she doesn’t look in the open casket. She doesn’t feel selfish. Her family and her friend understand. Her dad would too. He would be happy she found her strength even if she was still weaker than usual.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>After Clarke, Lincoln, Octavia and the closer friends and family leave for the committal service, Bellamy is left with Murphy, surprisingly. There are other people in the big ass mansion that looked scary to Bellamy at first. All chatting and sharing their memories. Drinking, eating, and some shedding tears.</p><p>“How come you’re left here?” Bellamy rises a brow at his friend, while trying to decide which cocktail he wants to try.<br/>
“Abby hates me” Murphy shrugs and bats Bellamy’s hand away. “Damn it, Blake, you’re a bartender. You should be able to choose a drink quicker than that.”<br/>
“Yes, but I don’t know any of those drinks” Bellamy says in shame. “Why does Abby hate you?”</p><p>“Apparently I’m a bad influence on her daughter. Little does she know that her daughter is the culprit of most of my not so conservative adventures in the past couple of years” Murphy laughs and picks two glasses, giving one of them to Bellamy. “Try this one, you’d like it. Besides, Abby is high again. Don’t know how Clarke missed that, she would’ve lost it way earlier if she did. And when Abby is high, she can be a bitch.”</p><p>“Clarke’s mom is on drugs?” Bellamy sounds surprised and feels guiltier. His comments from a couple days ago about reality check to Clarke seem crueler than cruel now. “Wait, that’s good. What am I drinking?”<br/>
“It’s Clarke’s comfort cocktail. She and her dad made the recipe before it was legal for her to drink. She served it in the bar we were working together. Still have no idea what exactly is in it. It’s a secret recipe, Blake” Murphy rolls his eyes. “Abby’s been clean for seven years. Not anymore, seems like it. She’s still taking the coward way out of the pain and that can break Clarke. Let’s hope she isn’t abusing again, because shit is going down then.”</p><p>“Shit” mumbles Bellamy.<br/>
“Shit is right, Blake. You have a lot to apologize for. You’re lucky no one has knocked you down yet.”</p><p>“You think that I don’t know that?” growls Bellamy. “All I can feel is this crumbling guilt and shame and I’m burning, Murphy! I know I made things for Clarke worse. I’m an assuming asshole who’s probably hurt more people than just Clarke by just saying shit following some stupid stereotypes. I know, Murphy. I fucked up. Majorly” he takes a shaking breath. “I fucked up with the girl’s emotions and there was no reason for that. I’m a monster. You happy now?” he’s almost screaming but he doesn’t want to cause a scene so he takes a calming breath. “I know, Murphy. Trust me, I know.”</p><p>“Nice speech, Blake. If you follow it with some good old action, you may actually impress me” Murphy chuckles and turns to a girl waving at him. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, we have about thirty minutes before we have to leave for the Dropship and I’d like to spend them with my lovely fuckbuddy. Emori!” he shouts and walks away.<br/>
“Gracious. As always, Murphy!” Bellamy shakes his head and is struck with an idea.</p><p>He goes into the entrée and to one of the memory tables where a container full of written-on stones is almost overflowing. He takes the last empty one from the near basket and writes a couple of sentences. He doesn’t put his name on them, but finishes with “Memento mori, Princess” and he thinks that would be enough for Clarke to understand. <em>Remember, we are mortal.</em><br/>
Bellamy shuffles the stones in the container so his goes down deep and he smiles a bit.</p><p>Murphy is right. Actions are needed and he would love to prove Clarke right. He doesn’t want to be cruel anymore. And now he isn’t burning anymore. He finally breaths fresh cold air.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Next chapter we're getting some delinquents time. The whole band gets together.<br/>Sorry that Bellamy's part is so short. This chapter was more important for Clarke's story. Next you'll get more of Bellamy.<br/>To all the delinquent fans out there - I'm sure you missed Jasper and Monty's playfulness, you probably want more Miller as much as I do and miss the whole s1 vibe. You're getting it.<br/>Decided not to prolong the enemies part. But frenemies for now?<br/>We shall see!</p><p>Thank you for reading!<br/>~Kate</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Murphy's Law</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter makes me happy. The whole group party is coming from my own experience from when I lost someone important to me. I know everyone goes through grief differently but decided that my experience was the easiest to write for our delinquents and it came naturally to me and the characters I write.<br/>Also, I'm an European and people around me have very high alcohol tolerance. Bear with me if my writing of the drinking doesn't seem possible to you. I don't mean to offend anyone!<br/>Chapter title - 1x04</p><p>Enjoy reading!<br/>~Kate</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Murphy and Emori had jumped in Bellamy’s old mustang and now are going to the Dropship. Bellamy is trying to ignore the sound of making out coming from the backseat while travelling down the usual roads.</p><p>He is a bit anxious about combining his friend group and that of Clarke. Which, to be fair, he thinks won’t be that hard, considering Octavia already knows her, and so do Murphy, Monty and Jasper. Gabriel and Luna are laid back people and won’t mind meeting Clarke’s friends. Miller isn’t very social person but he already adores the stoner kids that he basically adopted, so it wouldn’t surprise him if his best friend actually gets along with the other friend group.</p><p>Murphy’s phone rings and finally, the annoying sounds of making out stop. Bellamy realizes it was a text message that John got, not a phone call when he chuckles a bit.<br/>“What do you know” says Murphy. “Griffin really is planning on going strong. Said there’s no need for designated drivers today. We haven’t even started the drinking yet and she’s planning the afters” he chuckles. “Said we can leave the car in the underground parking of her building.”</p><p>“Wait, she lives across Echo, right?” Bellamy sends him a glance in the rearview mirror. “I didn’t know there was an underground parking there.”<br/>“Because Clarke literally owns the building” smirks Murphy. “She doesn’t let Echo park there. Neither does she let Echo’s boy-toys use it. Just drive to her address, Blake.”</p><p>“How the hell does she own the whole building? It’s literally in the middle of Alpha. And it is a fucking skyscraper” exclaims Bellamy annoyed.<br/>He knows Clarke is rich, just doesn’t realize exactly how rich she actually is.</p><p>“Well, her dad owned it. He was part of the team working on the building. And don’t exaggerate, it’s like fifty floors? Definitely not a skyscraper. So Clarke kind of misused her dad’s ownership to ban Echo. Those two can’t stand each other. Echo is a bitch. Please tell me you’re breaking up with her soon, by the way” Murphy sounds annoyed.</p><p>“Now why would I break up with her? I like her. She’s cool” shrugs Bellamy (not convincing enough) and takes a left towards one of the oldest buildings in Alpha. “Clarke has a very good instinct about people” offers Murphy. “Usually, when she doesn’t like someone, it is for a very good reason. You’re a good example for that.”<br/>“Shut up, Murphy.”<br/>“Don’t get offended on my account. You know I keep you around just because you own my favorite bar” Murphy lets a hoarse laugh.<br/>“You’re a dick, John” Emori huffs and the making out starts again.</p><p>Fifteen minutes later they’re in front of the garage door going underground and Murphy jumps out of the car to put the code needed to get inside.<br/>Bellamy finds a good parking spot near a nice old Jeep Grand Cherokee. If he has to guess, he’d say it’s the one from the limited editions with modifications from 2005. He’d always had a small interest in SUVs. His first car was one way older model of the same Jeep that had literally broken down to pieces in the middle of Walden ages ago.</p><p>“Good, they’ve finished with the ceremony” sighs Murphy and goes to the exact Jeep that Bellamy was admiring.<br/>John gets out his keys and to Bellamy’s surprise, he opens the door to the backseat.<br/>“Left the rules in here” mumbles Murphy and sends an annoyed look to Bellamy. “Don’t look at me like that. That’s Griffin’s car. She sometimes lends it to me when I go and visit my grandparents. Lord knows my motorcycle ain’t comfortable enough for long trips.”</p><p>“It’s a nice jeep” offers Bellamy and Murphy smiles in his sly way.<br/>“I hope you weren’t expecting a diamond chariot, Blake.”<br/>“Your girlfriend is right. You’re a dick, Murphy.”<br/>“Not his girlfriend” snorts Emori, who he’s met only a couple of times.</p><p>He is still warming up to her. At first he’d looked at her a bit confused (and a bit scared) because anyone who had a face tattoo and one of her size wasn’t usually an example of outstanding citizen. But Emori proved she was a kind soul, although a but ruffed around the edges (which explains why she dealt with Murphy) and Bellamy opened his arms to her.</p><p>“I think Clarke and the others might still be in. Wanna go upstairs?”<br/>“Nope. I’ll just go and prepare the Dropship. I’ll have enough hostility and awkwardness to deal with in my bar, thank you very much” Bellamy sighs guilty.<br/>He’s surprised when Emori and Murphy walk the ten minutes to the bar with him, instead of joining Clarke’s friends in her apartment.</p><p>Bellamy thought of inviting Echo earlier, but after finding out that she’s not Clarke’s favorite person, he decides that he can just call her tomorrow. He hasn’t seen her since he stayed over at hers on Wednesday and he hadn’t stopped receiving calls and messages from her. He responded to most of them but was starting to get annoyed with her clinginess.</p><p>He thinks that if Echo continues like this he might actually do as Murphy wishes and break up with her. But he is giving her at least one more week. He hopes she stops being this clingy. He really hopes his first attempt at a relationship in years doesn’t flop.</p><p>It’s thirty minutes later when Monty and Jasper walk in the Dropship, talking excitedly about some new video game coming out, followed by Clarke, his sister, Lincoln and some other people he doesn’t know. Miller, Luna and Gabriel arrived ten minutes before and are already sipping beers in their usual booth, closest to the bar.</p><p>Bellamy is surprised to see that Clarke had abandoned her formal attire and is wearing a simple tank top under a leather jacket with high waist jeans. All black. He tries not to stare, but her clothing is hugging her nice figure and he is trying really hard to make himself believe he’s not attracted to her. Nope. Can’t be.</p><p><em>Regardless of how sexy she looks</em>. Nope.</p><p>“Big brother” shouts Octavia and joins their friends on the booth. “Line up some shots. And let Griffin behind the bar. She promised me shit ton of her ‘Bisexual disaster’” and with that she and Lincoln jump into a conversation with Luna.<br/>“I never let people behind my bar” he grumbles and meets Clarke’s eyes. “Although I guess I can make an exception today.”<br/>“You’ve let me behind the bar” reminds him Murphy, who’s sitting with Emory on the bar stools on the other side of the bar.</p><p>“That’s just because I know what you’re preparing, jackass” Bellamy rolls his eyes but nods at Clarke. “Just tell me you know what you’re doing and you’re welcome to mess up however you want to on my side.”<br/>“Apparently I promised Tavia shit ton of ‘Bisexual disaster’” Clarke mumbles with a fake smile and joins him behind the bar. “It’s a cocktail, Blake. Relax. I am a licensed bartender, you know.”<br/>“Good to know” he smirks and starts preparing tequila shots (because he remembers when Clarke and Murphy were drinking they ordered mostly those).</p><p>“You’re also a doctor” says a gorgeous girl and jumps carefully on the barstool across from Clarke. “You can literally make the perfect wrong mixture of everything behind you and poison each of us and make it look like alcohol poisoning, when it fact, killing us was your plan all along.”</p><p>“Don’t temp me, Rae” Clarke smirks and turns around to the shelves of liquor curiously. “That would take too many ingredients. Too long. And the cameras would record my every movement. They’ll arrest me before you’re buried. You know I can kill you with way less effort.”</p><p>Bellamy stares at her with an astonished grimace. That wasn’t the answer he expected.</p><p>“Name is Raven, by the way” says Clarke’s friend but doesn’t offer her hand. “This bitch’s best friend.”<br/>“Second best” shouts a kind looking young man from behind him.<br/>“Bellamy Blake” he nods in acknowledgment.<br/>Bellamy notices that everyone besides Murphy and Raven have moved to the big booth and are chatting excitedly.</p><p><em>Well,</em> he thinks to himself, <em>so much about my worries of all them getting along.</em></p><p>“We should play Murphy’s law today” offers Murphy and moves to sit next to Raven who quickly pokes him in the ribs.<br/>“Oh, god, please” Clarke laughs and Bellamy decides unconsciously that he loves that sound. It isn’t very polished and ladylike, as he expected. It’s a bit hoarse and loud, and it sounds real. He immediately decides that he will do anything to hear it again and again and again and…</p><p><em>Stop it, Blake </em>he chastises himself. <em>You are not attracted to Clarke.<br/></em>No, he just wants to jump in her bed. <em>Damn it. </em>He needs a lot of alcohol.</p><p>Bellamy reaches for two of the shots he prepared and gives one of them to Clarke.<br/>“Here” it’s his turn to give an olive branch in a way.<br/>They both drink the tequila and his face scrunches a bit which makes Clarke and Raven snort.</p><p>“Big guy can’t handle tequila” Raven says and grabs a shot for herself. “Who would’ve guessed.”<br/>“Just not a big fan of tequila” shrugs Bellamy and Murphy sends him an annoyed look.<br/>“You loved Clarke’s cocktail earlier though” he huffs annoyed. “And it’s full of tequila.”<br/>“’Bisexual disaster’ is a fucking masterpiece” says offended Clarke. “And full of tequila shouldn’t be any kind of description for it.”<br/>“Drink!” Raven shouts and downs another shot, Murphy quickly following after.<br/>“We haven’t started playing yet” smirks Clarke but still downs a second one.</p><p>“Right. What the hell is Murphy’s law?” asks Bellamy, left in the dark of the never-heard-of game.<br/>“It’s a drinking game. Created it when Clarke graduated” Murphy smirks. “Basically I created the rules and they’re law from the moment we start playing.”<br/>“How come that’s the first I’m hearing of it?” Bellamy is dumbfound.<br/>“Because most of the rules include my friends” offers Clarke and gets a couple of bottles of different alcohols and a couple of energy drinks.</p><p>She turns around and grabs a shaker and some mixers. Bellamy turns to see what she’s doing but Murphy smacks his neck.<br/>“No peeking. Secret recipe, remember?”<br/>“You’re a dick” supplies Bellamy and Raven chuckles.</p><p>“The rules are pretty easy to follow as each of them is based off the general drunk behavior on each of us” Raven starts explaining, drawing his attention away from Clarke, mixing behind his back.<br/>Murphy goes to the booth, probably to explain the rules to his other friends.</p><p>“For example, Clarke curses non-stop. Not limited to her being drunk, to be fair.”<br/>“Do not” grumbles Clarke and he smirks.<br/>“Do too” Raven rolls her eyes. “So every time she does, we drink. You can get drunk only from her cursing in the first 10 minutes, trust me.”<br/>“And what if you don’t?”</p><p>“You can’t not drink, Blake. It’s a rule. So it’s the drinking law. So you drink” offers Clarke and turns to give Raven the first glass. “The game finishes for you when you pass out. So you drink. Every time.”<br/>“Good to know” he nods sheepishly at her, not being entirely sure how to talk to her without offending her. So he keeps his sentences short.</p><p>“So, you got the first rule. Clarke’s curses equal drink. Every time Murphy gets smacked in the back of the head equals drink. Every time Monty and Jasper do their weird high fiving thingy equals drink. Every time Jackson blushes equals drink.”<br/>“Jackson is the one currently flirting with your friend Miller” Clarke says without turning around, still mixing more and more of her concoction. “They’re adorable.”</p><p>Bellamy looks at his friends’ booth and is surprised to see that Clarke is correct. Miller and a kind looking guy are truly flirting in an obviously awkward way. He smiles because Clarke noticing it before him is surprising.</p><p>He is the biggest mother hen. Which means he’s always keeping track of everything happening to and around his friends. Clarke noticing stuff before him would usually worry him and make him think he’s doing a bad job but he has a hunch that Clarke may be a mother hen too.</p><p>“Yes, I forgot you have no idea who some of those people are” Raven smirks that annoying smirk of hers that Bellamy will have to get familiar with. “Wells, apparently Clarke’s best friend…”<br/>“Sorry, Rae. Been there since before both of us knew what fucking underwear was” Clarke finally turns around with a trey of two dozen… Yes, two dozen glasses.<br/>She leaves it next to the line of shots and refills the empty glasses with the movement of someone who’s done it millions of times.</p><p>Bellamy reminds himself that she actually has done it millions of times. Murphy had told him that she used to bartend. She also confirmed she was a licensed bartender. He shouldn’t be surprised that she keeps proving him and his assumptions wrong. He kind of loves that she does.</p><p>“Yeah, but you haven’t shared a dick with him so I win” Raven says and knocks down another shot with Clarke.<br/>“Not drunk enough to recall our fucked up past relationships, Rae” reminds her Clarke and Bellamy just looks at them confused. None of the girls spends him a glance. “Which is the rule about her. Every time Raven mentions something about a past relationship equals drink.”<br/>“Double-drink if it’s Finn.”<br/>“I’m seriously going to punch you” hisses Clarke. “But yeah, double-drink if it’s that bloody wanker.”<br/>“Blake here might need more context to understand” reminds her Raven.<br/>“Just follow the sheep” smirks Clarke. “If they drink, you drink. If they double-drink, you double-drink. Easy” she pushes one glass towards him. “Enjoy my full of tequila poison.”</p><p>“I sincerely hope it isn’t actual poison” Bellamy huffs but sips a bit from the drink and is hit with a rich taste of mint and nothing else. Which surprises him, because he saw Clarke get tequila, energy drinks, some other mixers. And he can’t taste any of them. It is better done than the one in Griffin's mansion. Probably because she wasn't the one to prepare it then.</p><p>“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done it already. And there’d be no evidence. Don’t worry, Blake” Clarke smiles in his direction and he’s a bit short of breath because she is gorgeous when she smiles.</p><p>
  <em>Get it together, you dumbass.</em>
</p><p>“Before you rudely interrupted me” starts again Raven and swats Clarke’s hand away from the shots, “I was explaining the last couple of rules to you. So, every time Wells sounds like mister highest moral equals drink. Every time Harper, Monty’s girlfriend, wants to dance equals drink. Every time your sister threatens to hurt someone equals drink. Every time Lincoln says that he can’t drink anymore equals drink. You got it?”</p><p>“Think so. Clarke swears, you talk about exes, Jackson blushes, Wells is all morally, Monty and Jasper are themselves, Harper dances, O being O, Murphy being a prick, Lincoln being a baby. That all?” he raises a brow.</p><p>“Hey, dumbfuck!” Clarke shouts at Murphy and picks up the tray. “You know those people. Add their drunk quirks to the rules.”<br/>Clarke goes to the booth and Raven and Bellamy follow. Bellamy notices Raven’s brace and is a bit curious as to why she has it.</p><p>“Your wish is my command, Ice Queen” shouts back Murphy and gets smacked on the neck by Lincoln. “What? She loves the nickname.”<br/>“I’ll castrate you, Murphy” hisses Clarke and sits on an extra chair around the booth. “You tell them the rules yet?”<br/>“Of course I did” Murphy smirks and grabs one of the cocktails. “Blake, where are our shots? We need like a hundred.”</p><p>“Hundred shots. Are you out of your mind?” almost shouts Bellamy.<br/>“We’re playing a drinking game” reminds him Luna who’s also managed to grab one of Clarke’s cocktails. “And there’s fifteen of us, Blake. Just bring the already filled shots and two bottles. Doesn’t have to be tequila only.”</p><p>“I hope no one’s working tomorrow, ‘cuz we’re getting fucked” whistles Jasper.<br/>“Clarke and I are” shrugs Wells. “We’ve taken too many days off this week and with Abby and Hannah out of commission for another week, we’re the only trauma surgeons in Arkadia General.”<br/>“Still getting fucked though” says Clarke, who somehow managed to bring all the shots and a bottle of tequila and one of vodka to the table while Bellamy was distracted. “Murphy. Are you adding last minute rules or can we start drinking?”</p><p>“Fine” sighs dramatically Murphy and points at Luna. “Every times Luna even mentions water or something water-related equals drink. Double-drink if it includes children” he smirks and turns to Emori. “Every time this one breaks a glass equals drink. Every time Gabriel flirts innocently with whomever equals drink. Every time Bellamy acts like a mother hen drinks. Double-drink if it’s towards our newcomers. Meaning Griffin’s subjects…”</p><p>“Seriously, you have to stop with the royal analogy, dickhead” Clarke grumbles.<br/>“Don’t sound so annoyed. You have those royal vibes. And you have the look, Princess” Bellamy smirks at her and for a second is afraid that he overstepped but is glad to be met with a snort from her.<br/>“Ass” she says to him. “Thank you, John, for giving him the perfect ammunition” Clarke swats at Murphy’s head and he barely misses her hand.</p><p>“As I was saying. You know what, guys. I’m doubling Clarke’s too. Every time she curses at me or at Bellamy you double-drink” this time he gets smacked. Hard. “Every time Miller is sarcastic equals drink. Did I cover everyone?” Murphy raises a brow and claps when met with silence. “Perfect. The game continues for each of you until passing out. If anyone wants to add something or wants to complain, I’ll be the judge. And since we don’t need DD because we can stay at Griffin’s place, no one has an excuse to stop drinking. Even our doctors.”</p><p>“One day, I swear I’ll dying from alcohol poisoning because of you” smirks Raven.<br/>“You can only wish, my little bird” Murphy chuckles and raises a shot in the air. “We start with the ceremonial shot. May Murphy’s law be the only one we follow tonight!” he shouts and they all down theirs shots.</p><p>After the clicking sounds of each glass returning to the table Clarke smirks and looks straight at Bellamy’s eyes.<br/>“Fucking shit, tonight is going to be bloody amazing!” she grabs another shot and the whole table groans. “That’s triple, fuckers. Ops, guess it’s four now!” she smiles proud of herself.</p><p>And that’s how they start the drinking game.</p><p>Bellamy decides to talk to each of the people in his bar. He starts with Harper, who’s sitting next to him. She asks him to play some music from the hidden speakers and after that they start chatting about different TV shows that they both love. She surprises him when she agrees with all of his opinions of Game of Thrones and he surprises himself when she manages to change his mind about his opinion on Friends.</p><p>“I swear, if Ross was a real person in this age and times, he would’ve been canceled so fast!” says excitedly Harper.<br/>He liked the show and thought the best relationship was Rachel and Ross, but since he can agree that Ross is a discriminatory dick, he is easily persuaded to switch to Monica and Chandler.<br/>“Those two had the perfect vibes for a domestic and sweet couple since episode one, you’re right. Won’t argue with you here” he agrees cheerfully.<br/>While talking to her, he has to drink five shots (three of them courtesy of Clarke and the other two of Murphy).</p><p>He then joins in the argument of the stoner kids about which version of Mortal Kombat is the best. Monty argues in favor of MK 11 and Jasper in favor of MK 3 (which neither of them has played in ages). He weighs in with his arguments for MK X and then the boys gang up on him, Jasper forgoing his own arguments and joining in on Monty’s.</p><p>“Dude, the MK 11 has literally created a version of the characters combined of their modern and classic styles. That’s gotta be the best representation of the characters!” shouts Jasper.<br/>“Yeah, but Mk X put in totally new characters. Which was much needed if you ask me” counters back Bellamy.<br/>“They’re still in the last version, though. And are better than in X” Monty reminds him.<br/>“Also, it balances the time-travelling adventure so good!”<br/>“You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Johnny Cage bicker with his younger, cockier self!” finishes Monty and the boys self-five.<br/>Everyone groans from the sound and swallow another shot.</p><p>Bellamy finally agrees to all of their arguments and promises them they’ll play next time he is over at Miller’s house. Another shot, courtesy of Clarke, and this time double, because Murphy is annoying her too much.</p><p>He starts feeling the effects of the vodka and tequila and has to shake his head a bit. Which is a bad idea because he knows that will make him dizzy. So he jumps back in conversation, this time with Miller and Octavia, who are talking about the new equipment in O’s gym.</p><p>Bellamy is proud of his sister. Right after college, with money she had saved from working between partying and classes, she managed to open a small gym. That was two years ago. Now she’s bought the premises next door and finished with renovations a week ago.<br/>“You have to check it out, Nate” O smiles brightly at his best friend and then turns to him. “You too, Bell. You can even do a class like you used to when I opened on Saturdays on self-defense.”<br/>“You know I can’t be there every Saturday, Octavia” reminds her Miller. “Fires don’t extinguish themselves” he deadpans and Bellamy groans loudly enough for everyone to register Miller’s sarcasm.</p><p>Another shot goes down. And then another, because Clarke swears at Nate. Murphy calls her an Ice Queen again and gets hit again. Another shot.</p><p>Bellamy stands up to get some water, because he wants to stay as sober as possible for as long as possible. Until he can get his friends home safely, or at Clarke’s at least.</p><p>“Want to play a game of darts?” Clarke is suddenly beside him and he nods begrudgingly.<br/>“I suck at darts, though” he says but still leads her to the board on the nearest wall.<br/>“I know” Clarke smiles playfully and his heart stops for a second because she’s not only hot, she’s fucking beautiful. “Your sister said so. She said that you’ve seemed antsy to her. Suggested we may need some distance from them to talk. If that’s what you want, of course.”<br/>“And of course she suggested something that makes me look bad” Bellamy smirks and writes their names on the chalkboard, writing Princess instead of Clarke.<br/>“Oh, fuck you, Bellamy!” she rolls her eyes and grabs a shot.<br/>“Drink!” everybody shouts and then Murphy reminds them it’s a double.</p><p>They decide to play from 501 with double-exit and Clarke is first, throwing a nice 140 points.<br/>“Okay, you have to be sober enough to throw like this, Princess” he says while she writes her score on the board.<br/>“Do I look drunk to you, Blake?” she says through a smirk. “Because I can assure you, I’m just tipsy” he throws and does the math in his head, but it takes him too long. “You, on the other hand, seem a little worse for wear. 63, Bellamy. Write it down” she urges him on and gets ready to throw again. “You know, I’m not looking for apologies.”</p><p>“I still owe you one” Bellamy shrugs and huffs when she throws a good 98.<br/>“Okay, let me rephrase that” Clarke sighs. “I’m not looking for guilt-ridden apologies.”</p><p>They continue the game in silence. Bellamy’s mind is a bit fuzzy and it takes him longer than usual to compose his words carefully. He’s grateful Clarke is waiting patiently, at least. They tip back a couple of shots after each shout from their friends in between throws.</p><p>“I won’t lie to you. I feel guilty. I was way out of line and I hurt you. We both can agree on that. A big part of me wants to apologize to get rid of the guilt” he takes a deep breathe because he is about to say the naked truth of his thoughts. “I am a monster, Clarke. I hurt you and disrespected you. I rubbed the pain of your loss in. I mocked you for your mom. I assumed and assumed and just threw my cruelty at you like it was nothing. As if you deserved it. I probably have done it to other undeserving people because of stupid stereotypes. I acted like a monster. My mom would be ashamed of me. She raised me to be good” his voice shakes a bit and now Clarke is looking at him, big blue eyes opened in shock and a frown under her beauty mark that he just notices. “And all I do is hurt people.”</p><p>Clarke is silent for a minute and then she leaves the darts on the nearest table. She steps closer to him and puts her arm on his shoulder. He is surprised from the touch. He meets her eyes and melts. Because they are not filled with pity or hate. No, she looks like she finds something good in his eyes.</p><p>“You are not a monster, Bellamy” she says strongly, leaving no room for argument. “You proved it by showing regret, compassion and guilt. A monster wouldn’t be able to feel any of those. And you want to make it right. Fuck, you’re everything but a monster.”<br/>“Drink” he says weakly and she smiles at him.</p><p>“In a minute” she says quietly. “If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven, Bellamy.”<br/>“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, Princess.”<br/>“Forgiveness is not about what you deserve. It is about what you need and what I willingly give” she squeezes his shoulder. “And I forgive you, okay?”</p><p>He is still not sure he’s good enough to receive the kindness she offers but nods in silence. Clarke’s eyes soften and she steps back. He immediately misses the contact. He wants her to be close.</p><p>“See, here's what we’re going to do now. We will continue this game because I want to see if you’re a sore loser" she later finds out that he is. "Then we’re going back to our friends and since most of them are really close to crossing the line from tipsy to drunk, we’re gonna leave the bar and go to mine, where we can order shit ton of food. And if my forgiveness isn’t enough to make you believe that you aren’t a monster, than you can return the kindness I’ve shown you” she suggests and gives him a shot. “That’s for me cursing.”</p><p>“I like your plan, Princess” he smiles at her and she laughs.<br/>“I knew you would, Bellamy.”</p><p>He loves the sound of his name coming out of her mouth. He can chastise himself for acknowledging his attraction to her tomorrow when hangover but now he decides he wants to bathe in it. Because he hasn’t burnt almost the whole day and the fresh breath in his lungs can be explained only by the beautiful girl across from him. He gives her a big smile and gets the darts so he can show her how competitive he actually is even at games that he sucks at.</p><p>Because for once he feels light. And there’s no smoke coming from his throat, no shame and no pain. No, there’s only blue eyes, laughter and excitement in the air and he feels happy. He doesn’t know if he’ll feel the same tomorrow but he doesn’t care about tomorrow yet.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>An hour later they’re all walking to Clarke’s building. It’s raining outside and all of them are too stubborn to call a couple of cars to get them there. So they’re trying to run on the slippery sidewalks but fail miserably.</p><p>Jasper is leaning heavily on Octavia’s shoulder and they’re wetter than everyone since he fell down a couple of times, bringing Octavia down with him. Clarke promises everyone warm clothes and that encourages Jasper to act like a bigger child and jump in puddles of water, sprinkling Octavia the most. She threatens to put his goggles where sun don’t shine but even that isn’t enough for drunk Jasper to stop.</p><p>Raven is piggy riding on Murphy’s back, because her leg hurts like a bitch. She spurges him on and screams orders at him. Raven even kicks him a bit with her healthy leg just for the gist of it and Murphy curses at her which just makes Emori and Wells, who walk right next to them, laugh.</p><p>Monty and Harper are leading the group, while hiding under the sole umbrella Harper had in her purse. This girl was always ready for everything. They talk quietly and always stop the group before they cross way earlier than needed just to be safe. Clarke thinks they’re adorable.</p><p>Jackson and Miller haven’t stopped flirting in the bar and are still going strong. Clarke can’t wait to see who invites the other to a date first. She made a bet on it with Bellamy already, seeming as Clarke knew Jackson best, and Bellamy knew Miller best. The best was for five dollars but as Clarke had found out earlier, Bellamy was almost as competitive as she was and both of them wanted to win.</p><p>Speaking of Bellamy, he is bringing the rear next to her and chuckles from time to time at their friends. They both stay in a comfortable silence and she can’t believe she can say she is actually feeling comfortable around him now.</p><p>Excluding their first two meetings, he’s been nothing but respectful and was actually a pretty good company. They found out that they share the same favorite books and TV shows but unlike him and Harper, they could bicker about them for ages. But in the friendly way, with no heat behind it. Clarke is almost ready to say that she might actually want to have Bellamy in her life.</p><p>She wants his friends in her life too. They all seem pretty amazing and supportive and none of them made any comment about her dad or her money. They all were kind and nice and funny and so amazing that Clarke is ready to call them her own.</p><p>Lincoln and Gabriel are messing with Luna every time she looks at the sky and mentions some rain gods. Gabriel sometimes asks her to tell them more and then Lincoln jumps in to tell his own version to the stories. All of them fit perfectly together.</p><p>“You know, a lot of our friends can make some good couples” says Bellamy out of nowhere and Clarke turns to look at him quizzically.<br/>“How so?” she raises a brow and he lets a smirk.<br/>“Well, Miller and Jackson are already an example” Bellamy shrugs and Clarke zips her jacket up. The rain is freezing and she can’t wait to jump into some sweats.<br/>“Okay, now I’m intrigued. We can agree on those two. Who else?” Clarke turns to look at their friends, shaking her head when Jasper falls again, and she <em>swears,</em> if he falls one more time…</p><p>“Okay, Luna and Raven. Hear me out” he says before she even has the time to interrupt him and she’s surprised to see that he expected her to do so. Maybe he was noticing the good in her as she did in him. “Raven is fierce as hell. I’m certain of that and I’ve known her for just about three hours. Luna is calm. I think they can balance themselves out in a beautiful way.”</p><p>“I can see that. I don’t think she’s the best option for Raven, though” Clarke sees her building finally and starts walking a bit faster. Bellamy doesn’t have to change his tempo since his every step is equal to two of hers. “There is something about Murphy and Raven that makes me believe that those two can make the best couple out of all of them” she is close to saying ‘us’ instead of them but catches herself on time.</p><p>Bellamy may be hot and funny and nice and actually pretty interesting person, but Clarke decided to take herself off of the market after her break up with Nylah. She is also pretty sure she heard someone mention a girlfriend earlier in the bar which is another reason for her to refuse to let herself be attracted to him.</p><p>“That would be scary but worth seeing” agrees Bellamy and she chuckles. Clarke wraps her arms around her and kind of misses the flame burning in her just hours ago. It hurt her but it kept her warm. God, she feels like a fucking masochist.</p><p>“I know, right?” she chuckles and sighs gladly when Monty and Harper unlock her building and all of their friends run inside.<br/>“Do all of your friends have keys to everything you own?” asks Bellamy confused.<br/>“None of them knows what personal space is. Also we do most of our drinking and game nights at my place. Murphy sometimes uses my car. It’s easier if they have a set of keys. Especially considering my work schedule. Which is going back to crazy from tomorrow noon actually” Clarke shakes her head. She looks forward to work.</p><p>She needs to be helpful and be busy. It makes it easier for her to deal with pain. Even though everyone calls her crazy for it. It’s just what helps.</p><p>“Octavia also doesn’t know what personal space is. Combine that with her curiosity and full-on energy 24/7. It was… Interesting, growing up with her” Bellamy smirks at the memory and they all get into the elevator.<br/>“As if you knew what personal space for a girl is” huffs Octavia. “Always up in my business.”<br/>“By that she means relationships” laughs Miller and Octavia pokes him in the ribs.<br/>“By that I mean everything. Bellamy is a real mother hen but you already saw that.”<br/>Everyone laughs and that warms Clarke a bit.</p><p>Murphy is the first one in her loft and he sprints to the kitchen.<br/>“You ain’t cooking in my kitchen when drunk, jackass!” she screams at him when she gets in last.<br/>“Drink!” everyone shouts back and Clarke shakes her head.<br/>“Harper, order us some food. Lincoln, get some blankets. Everyone who has clothes here, you know where to get them from, don’t bother me with questions. Murphy, get the alcohol after you change. I’ll be down in a minute” she orders everyone. “Rae, please sit down on your ass. Your leg ain’t getting better. And take the damn brace off if you don’t want it keeping you cold and wet.”<br/>“Yes, ma’am” laughs Raven and Clarke throws a pillow at her.</p><p>Jasper and Monty sprint towards the stairs to get to the extra bedrooms where they’ve left a lot of their stuff – bongs, weed, clothes, moonshine. She knows that they’ll bring everything down and smiles at the thought.</p><p>Gabriel is already at the big windows overlooking Arkadia and is talking excitedly with Luna. Miller and Jackson go in the guest bedroom on the first floor, where Jackson and Murphy keep their stuff. Wells and Lincoln give warm blankets to everyone who doesn’t have anything to change into. Harper is already on the phone with the Chinese place that delivers 24/7. Raven puts her motionless leg on the coffee table and sets her brace under it. Octavia helps put a blanket around her and then runs to get both of them another shirt. Emori and Murphy are shuffling in the kitchen for alcohol and glasses to bring in the living room.</p><p>Kitchen and living room is not exactly right, as the first floor of Clarke’s loft has an open floor plan. The only closed off rooms are the guest bedroom and the bathroom. The second floor’s landing is overlooking the first and has another sitting space, albeit smaller, and that’s where Clarke’s easel resides. Behind it there’s a long hallway with doors leading to the main bedroom (hers, of course, with too big of en-suite and walk-in closet), two extra bedrooms, one more bathroom and an office, that she’s turned into a library space. Her dad used to work in there before he and her mom moved in together ages ago.</p><p>For a second, even through the haze of alcohol, she feels sad because she’ll never see her dad walk in and always act surprised from the changes she did. He secretly loved the small library but always pretended to be offended that she erased any sign of his office. A part of her wishes she hadn’t. But her dad loved it and so does Clarke.</p><p>Bellamy is looking around with an astonished look on his face and he looks <em>adorable.</em> He looks at her paintings on the walls with a curious glance, touches the exposed brick as if expecting it not to be real.</p><p>“Hey, big guy” she says, turning his attention back to her. “Let me get you something to change into. Linc will deal with everyone else downstairs.”<br/>“As long as you don’t put me in a t-shirt of your stepbrother, I’m fine with everything” Bellamy smiles and her heart skips a beat because his crooked smile is even more beautiful than his smirk.</p><p>He follows her upstairs and stops for a second to admire the view to the city from the mezzanine part of the floor. It’s even more breathtaking from a bit higher. The city lights are blurry between the raindrops and Clarke wishes she could sit down and paint it. So she grabs her phone and takes a picture.</p><p>There’s a notebook on the end table near the easel (which she uses to write down her art ideas) and writes down her latest one. She sees Bellamy look at her curiously and blushes a bit.</p><p>“So you want to tell me that you’re a trauma surgeon, who is also a licensed bartender and also paints?” he sounds intrigued. “Thank you for keeping on proving me wrong, Princess.”<br/>“My pleasure” she laughs and leads him to her bedroom.</p><p>She scurries to pick up her dress from the funeral, throws it in the hamper and kicks her heels from earlier out of the way. Bellamy goes to her window nook and stares at the busy streets.</p><p>Clarke takes the opportunity to admire his profile and suddenly the view is not the only thing she wants to draw. She takes a sharp breath and goes into her walk-in closet, leaving the door to close behind her.</p><p>She finds her favorite hoodie from Arkadia University that her she stole from her dad when she got accepted. It is way too big for her but it is the only thing beside Lincoln’s clothes that will fit Bellamy. She changes in leggings and an oversized t-shirt (with some stubborn paint stains that refuse to wash out) and goes back to the bedroom.</p><p>Bellamy is looking at the wall that she painted herself two years ago, when she had a couple of days off work. She painted a beautiful sunset with stars already in the dark sky. There are clouds that have faded portraits of her friends and family inside. Some of the clouds are empty, begging to be filled with another soul.</p><p>“Did you do that?” he asks her breathlessly.<br/>“Um… Yes. I was bored out of my mind. And my blue walls weren’t anything special. So I decided to paint this” she shrugs and gives him her dad’s hoodie. “Only thing that isn’t Lincoln’s that can fit you” she blushes and turns around to find a hair tie and puts her wet hair up.</p><p>She turns to look at him while his taking off his white shirt. She’s<em> selfish</em>. But he is <em>beautiful</em>. And she wants to paint both <em>him</em> and <em>on him. </em></p><p>
  <em>Get your head out of the gutter, Griffin. </em>
</p><p>Bellamy catches her looking and she blushes more deeply. <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>“Ah… It’s a really beautiful painting, Clarke” he says and she notices the stars on her wall resemble his freckles almost perfectly and <em>fuck</em>, she can’t be into him. Nope. It’s drunk Clarke talking.</p><p>She’ll wake up tomorrow and will have forgotten how beautiful his smile is, or how his body makes her want to jump his bones, or how his curls bounce on his head in an adorable way and <em>fuck. </em></p><p>She nods shy in thanks and goes to leave, but Bellamy’s hand stops her.<br/>“Thank you. For giving me a chance” he smiles shyly at her.<br/>“Worth it” she whispers and with that, they go back to their friends.</p><p>Clarke sits on the couch and Bellamy joins in between her and Raven, who’s moved to sit in the longer part of it, where her leg isn’t on the coffee table anymore, instead lying lifelessly in Luna’s lap. Bellamy nods at the girls and Clarke rolls her eyes.</p><p>“Who else?” she asks because they didn’t finish their conversation from earlier. And because Bellamy is Bellamy, he gets it.<br/>“Gabriel and Wells” he smirks and Clarke snorts, reaching to get a sketchbook left on the table.</p><p>She opens on a new page and writes down ‘Jackson-Miller’, then ‘Luna-Raven’ and also ‘Raven-Murphy’. Bellamy leans over her shoulder to see what she’s writing and chuckles a bit.<br/>“You want to bet on all of our friends, huh?” he pokes her arm and she lets him take the sketchbook from her hands. “That’s so not right.”<br/>“Who cares about right?” she laughs loudly, attracting Murphy’s attention. “Fuck right.”<br/>“Drink!” shouts John and thrusts a shot in both their faces. “Game still going strong.”<br/>“Don’t need a reminder, Murphy” she rolls her eyes but takes the shot in stride. “Murphy’s law, after all.”</p><p>After everyone drinks, Bellamy and Clarke’s betting is lost in the loud chatter of their drunk friends, so they’re not worried about being overheard.<br/>“Okay, we both bet 5$ each on Miller or Jackson for the first step. I bet on Murphy and Raven” continues Clarke because this is so fun and she’s enjoying herself.<br/>“No way. Luna and Raven seem more probable” Bellamy decides. “Bet on them. What are we betting off?”</p><p>“If I win the bet, you have to give me whatever I want. Can’t decide what I’d want right now” she shrugs.<br/>“That’s a good one. Same here” he chuckles quietly. “Compared to them Gabriel and Wells don’t seem as a good bet.”</p><p>“Okay, here’s what we can do. We bet on different people doing the first move or just couples in general and for each we get right, the other owes us a favor” Clarke suggests.<br/>“Legal or not?” he raises a brow and smirks.<br/>“Honestly, as long as it doesn’t get me fired, I’m down for anything” she blushes again.<br/>“Just don’t get me arrested” he sighs with his smirk and they finish the list of bets, managing to put almost all of their friends in different couples.</p><p>At the end, their bets don’t all sound realistic or possible, but they enjoy themselves and laugh a lot (throwing in another shot from time to time because the game is still going strong). Clarke puts the sketchbook upstairs under her bed and when she goes back downstairs, the food has arrived. Jasper and Monty are the first to stuff their mouths and everyone follows soon after.</p><p>After their dinner Raven suggest they play never have I ever with shots instead of fingers. Murphy has to remind everyone that drinking because of NHIE doesn’t stop the drinking from Murphy’s law. Which is the reason why they all have to drink a double shot when Clarke curses at him because all of them know that and none of them are sober enough to care anymore.</p><p>Emori and Harper fill in everyone’s shot glasses (Emori managing to break one and there’s a wave of groans coming from everyone, because that means another shot) and then they start the game. And because everyone is drunk they don’t start with easy stuff.</p><p>“Never have I ever gotten a drunk tattoo” exclaims proudly Murphy and Emori and Miller both send him an annoyed glance, then drink a shot.<br/>“Never have I ever had a threesome” chirps up Emori and Clarke and Bellamy gulp a shot down. They share an embarrassed glance then erupt into laughter. “Yet” Emori continues and winks at Murphy.</p><p>“Never have I ever had sex with the same gender” offers Octavia and then the whole room erupts into chaos, with Miller and Jackson looking at each other blushing, Clarke shouting that it isn’t fair to play on sexuality. With Raven and Luna rolling their eyes in laughter, with Wells throwing a pillow at Octavia and Gabriel just shaking his head.<br/>They all drink their shots respectfully and then have to repeat twice when Raven mentions her ex Gina, and when Clarke curses at her bisexuality making her an easy target.</p><p>“Never have I ever been arrested” says Lincoln and sends her a pointed look and this time Clarke repeats every curse she knows, including fuck like a dozen times in her sentence and then drinking her two shots, with Murphy, Miller and Bellamy also doing double shots.<br/>“Guess I really had thought you out completely wrong” whispers Bellamy with a hoarse voice that sends a shiver down Clarke’s spine.<br/>“Guess so” she smiles at him and manages to stop herself from blushing, because she felt his whisper on her neck and she finally admits that she <em>wants </em>him.<br/>She knows she’ll be embarrassed from the realization in the morning. And probably won’t feel the same then. But right now it’s an energizing realization. She won’t do anything about it though.<br/>Nope. <em>Nope.</em></p><p>“Never have I ever made a lab explode, resulting in the evacuation of the whole campus” laughs Wells a bit and unlike Clarke, Monty and Jasper take their shots with pride and then bow respectfully to the applause the group gives them and then self-five which makes the group stop applauding abruptly. Everyone drinks again.</p><p>“Never have I ever gotten a girlfriend because of my parents’ thoughts on sexuality” says Jasper and Wells and Clarke drink. For two different reasons. Clarke got with Anya in spite of her mom. Wells got with Glass to hide himself. They share a dreamful glance filled with memories and then smile at each other.</p><p>“Never have I ever been an assuming ass” offers Bellamy and Clarke sighs and drinks with him, because let’s be real.<br/>They both said some nasty things to each other.<br/>“Stop thinking about it, Bellamy” she says quietly and squeezes his bicep. “Because if you continue like this I might actually have to slap you.”<br/>“Noted” he huffs through laughter.</p><p>The game continues even though everyone has finished their ten shots more than once. Jasper is the first to pass out, spread on the fluffy carpet like a starfish. Monty and Harper follow soon after and take one of the guest bedrooms. Octavia and Lincoln take another. Luna and Raven take the third and Bellamy sends her a proud glance. She curses at him and the awake party takes a double, barely awake and drunk as hell.</p><p>Gabriel passes out on the loveseat and Wells finds a blanket to throw on top of both Jasper and Gabriel, then hides in Clarke’s bedroom. Clarke finally agrees to let Murphy make them waffles and he plays the old recorder, filling the open space with chill music. Emori goes to keep him company and Bellamy and Clarke keep talking for long and long after Miller and Jackson pass out on the couches on the sitting area overlooking the first floor.</p><p>Soon they join Murphy and Emori around the kitchen island.<br/>“Where do you keep your chocolate, Ice Queen?” sighs tiredly Murphy, who usually knows her kitchen better than she does but is too tired and drunk to think straight.<br/>“Wherever you left it last, dumbass” she drinks two sips straight from a bottle of wine.</p><p>They’d finished all of her hard liquor excluding the 30-years old scotch that her dad had kept for all of those years. She ain’t letting anyone drink it yet. So she busted the wine cabinet open and got a couple of wine bottles out. Now each of them is nursing their own bottle. Clarke and Bellamy both enjoy their second Sauvignon Blank, while Murphy is on his third bottle of Merlot and Emori is drinking slowly her first Chardonnay.</p><p>“Clarke, your kitchen is a mess” exclaims Murphy and they all chuckle.<br/>“You made it a mess! You know I almost don’t use my kitchen. You’ve organized and reorganized my kitchen a hundred of times. Not my fault your ass is too drunk to remember where you left the fucking Nutella!” she throws her napkin at him and suddenly is hit with a memory. “Fuck, Murphy! It’s in the fucking freezer.”</p><p>“That’s triple, Princess” grunts Bellamy who’s barely keeping his eyes open. “Please, try and refrain from cursing as much. Don’t wanna drink all your expensive wine in one sitting.”<br/>“It’s not that expensive” Clarke rolls her eyes and drinks her three sips.<br/>“What is the Nutella doing in the freezer?” asks dramatically Murphy when he retrieves it.</p><p>“Because when we got drunk two nights ago you wanted it cold. And then you passed out in the kitchen floor. Had to drag your heavy ass to the couch and I forgot about it” Clarke shrugs and Bellamy laughs.<br/>“Watch it, Griffin. My ass is perfect” he grumbles and puts the Nutella in the microwave.<br/>“I can confirm” smirks Emori while Bellamy jumps and stops the appliance.</p><p>“Please, tell me you aren’t trying to kill us on purpose” Bellamy hisses when he sees the aluminum folio on top of the jar.<br/>“We have a firefighter with us” is the only answer Murphy has for him and that is that.</p><p>They forgo the chocolate and get out whipped cream instead. Clarke fills her mouth straight from the can and so much of it slips on her legs and she can’t stop laughing, while Bellamy is trying to get the can out of her hand. Murphy takes a picture in between of them bickering about it and Emori finally calls it a night. She goes to sleep on the couch where Murphy will probably join her later.</p><p>Clarke, Bellamy and Murphy keep talking and drinking for at least an hour more and Clarke feels good. Feels happy. She knows it’s mainly the alcohol talking but her friends gave her hope that she doesn’t need to burn forever. That she doesn’t have to let life win. That she can make life her bitch.</p><p>And when she wakes up from falling asleep on top of the kitchen island, full body on top, with a throwing pillow under her head and a blanket on top of her, she takes a fresh breath of air. When she stands up and groans from the killing headache she has and stumbles against Bellamy’s sleeping body on top of a carpet that she’s sure wasn’t there yesterday, she smiles. When she runs to the bathroom to puke her guts out and finds Murphy snoring peacefully in the bathtub, she doesn’t feel so heavy anymore.</p><p>Because there are still people who love her, people she loves. People who have turned into her family. And she knows that her dad wouldn’t want her drowning in her own sadness and closing off. So even though it hurts like shit to even think about him, Clarke knows that she will be okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I put Bellarke betting on their friends because I always see all of their friends betting on them in other fics. Decided that Bellamy and Clarke have enough of the same mentality of their friends and probably would do something like that.<br/>And trust me, the Bellarke bet of our other friends will also happen. I love it when there's bets because literally everyone knows Clarke and Bellamy should be together!<br/>All of the opinions the characters have on different stuff in here should not be taken seriously or be read as the only true ones. Please, be kind if you don't agree with me.<br/>Next chapter we get our first favor!</p><p>Thanks for reading!<br/>~Kate</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Gimme Shelter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, so I moved the favor in the next chapter. I apologize in advanse if the medical stuff aren't totally right. I'm definitely not a medical genious whatsover and have close to none idea as to the proper procedures and steps. Hopes it still makes sense tho!<br/>Also, sorry I didn't post yesterday. I did my tattoo sleave and my arm is basically useless rn. Still managet to write this chapter somehow. Sorry it's short!</p><p>Chapter title - 4x07</p><p>Enjoy reading!<br/>~Kate</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the following weeks after her dad’s funeral Clarke dives into her work. She and Wells got crazy in the first week and basically lived in the hospital. Jackson, the lucky bastard who had all of his superiors working beside him, checked up on them from time to time. Because of him and his reports in the croup chat (that now included Bellamy, Miller, Luna and Gabriel), every one of their friends stopped at the hospital to make them take a 5 minute breather.</p><p>Raven brought each of them coffee when she came for her monthly check up (which was with Clarke so she kind of cheated and prolonged it for as long as possible). Harper and Monty brought them both clean pairs of scrubs. Murphy brought them still steaming food in his breaks from the restaurant where he was the head chef.</p><p>Miller came to talk with them, but mainly he came to see Jackson under the pretense of going for the trauma surgeons. Jasper didn’t stop sending them stupidly funny videos (of animals for Wells and of people getting hurt for Clarke, don’t judge her). Luna and Gabriel texted them with offers for when they get time to breathe again. Lincoln and Octavia even spent a couple of hours with them hiding in the on-call room on a quieter morning.</p><p>Bellamy came once to pick up Clarke and bring her home, because Wells had another hour to work before Hannah and Abby came back to work and Murphy had her car for the weekend. He still acted awkward and seemed guilty around her in that first tiring week. However, when he picked her up and she fell asleep in his car, his mothering side woke up and out voiced his guilt and shyness. He woke her up gently and got her in her loft while she was walking in a daze. She fell asleep again but this time on the couch. When she woke up on her first day off in a week, she was covered under a cozy blanket and her loft smelled deliciously. Bellamy had made her a lasagna (apparently, Lincoln had told him what her favorite dish was).  She texted him her thanks and received an answer pretty quick.</p><p>Clarke had smiled and her smile stayed on her face throughout the whole day that she spent painting, watching The Umbrella Academy (there was this guy in season 2 who looked so much like Bellamy, if Bellamy had a beard and longer hair, that Clarke thought she was starting to lose it, until Raven agreed with her over text).</p><p>After that, Clarke and Bellamy started texting non-stop. They talked mainly about work, the uncanny similarity between Diego and Bellamy, about the books Bellamy had just bought or the new painting Clarke had managed to somehow commission.</p><p>Wells was making fun of her every time her phone vibrated because of text message from him, so she turned it to silent but after an hour of no vibrations and worries that she had somehow annoyed him, she turned the vibration back on and saw a couple of messages of Bellamy, wondering the same because of her lack of response.</p><p>They met a couple of times too – mostly with the whole group or sometimes with Octavia and Lincoln or Murphy and Emori. Once in Clarke’s loft and once over at Miller’s where Monty and Jasper succeeded in getting Bellamy, Clarke and Miller high. And themselves, of course. In Clarke’s loft, Murphy and Bellamy had argued over the most practical way to organize her kitchen (that she rarely used because she hated cooking and didn’t have enough time for it). The whole group of friends had stared at them and even taken some videos while laughing at the ridiculous bickering of the two. At last, they’d compromised. Murphy still rearranged it how he wanted it after everyone had left and then berated Clarke when she mocked him for it.</p><p>Things with Abby were also going better. She really didn’t go back to pills and Clarke was grateful for it. It made it so much easier for her to breath and relax when she was a steady (and terrifying) presence in the hospital, bossing people around and saving people with a steady hand and clear eyes. Clarke still went to a dinner at her mom’s once a week, just to make sure her mom wasn’t faking doing better. She had faith in Abby, really. But she was still scared. Part of her would probably always be scared.</p><p>Luna and Raven had actually slept together a couple of times, but hadn’t gotten together yet. Bellamy had bet on them being an actual couple, so he still hadn’t won that bet. But he did win the one with Jackson and Miller.</p><p>Miller had kissed Jackson three weeks after they met after a fierce game of Uno at Bellamy’s and he’d sent her a photo of them holding hands immediately after to rub his win in. He still hadn’t cashed his favor in though.</p><p>On the one-month anniversary of Jake’s death, she and Lincoln went to his grave. They spent hours there, recalling their last moments, talking about the new additions to the group, talking about Lincoln’s new artists, talking about Abby, and talking about Clarke’s exhausting work. Regretting that Jake won’t be able to meet the new additions in his children’s lives. They left a bouquet of colorful tulips on his headstone and Clarke cried the whole way back home, Lincoln’s hand squeezing hers and offering her his silent strength.</p><p>Six weeks after the funeral, Clarke is falling asleep in the on-call room. It is a quiet night in the hospital and Clarke usually was on full alert at times like this. It is never quiet for long and then usually the bomb drops and the whole hospital goes into chaos. Today though Clarke is exhausted. She spent the previous night on a painting on Bellamy (yes, she finally broke and decided to recreate his annoyingly intriguing smirk on a canvas) and couldn’t get his freckles right which made her angry at herself and started over too many times.</p><p>Clarke wakes up when her pager goes off and jumps to her legs. It’s the ER and a second later she hears a lot of people running towards it. She follows as quick as possible, annoyed at her short legs for slowing her down. Clarke gets in the ER and almost stops in her tracks when she sees at least a dozen bodies with different stages of burns on them. But what shocks her more is the fact that Jackson is standing next to a bed, shouting orders and pleading for someone to find him whichever Dr. Griffin is available and Indra, their best orthopedist, and his face seems terrified and that’s when she sees the figure. She doesn’t stop in her track, she goes to Jackson and meets his eyes with fear in hers. Bellamy is lying there lifelessly, covered in some nasty burns, blood oozing from his stomach.</p><p>“What do we have?” she asks, her voice strong but inside she can’t stop shaking and the burning from a month ago is back.<br/>
“Smoke in the lungs. Deep partial thickness, broken leg, a puncture wound in the stomach area, concussion for sure, probably worse, because he hit his head pretty hard” Jackson takes a deep breath. “Your mom is in another surgery and Wells and Hanna aren’t even on-call. You have to take him. You and I have to get in together. Indra will have to take over later.”</p><p>“Fuck” she says and waves a nurse over. “Get the OR ready. I want Anya and Gaia in now. Bring Monroe to assist Dr. Jackson. Now!” there’s a resident looking ready to puke standing in the middle of the ER. “Jackson, bring him in. I’ll be there in a minute” she turns to the resident and gives her an encouraging smile. “First time seeing an aftermath of fire? That’s okay. But if you aren’t going to be useful, go to the nurse’s station and help them identify the patients. Call Octavia Blake and tell her that her brother is taken to the OR by Dr. Griffin and Dr. Jackson. See if Nathan Miller was brought in or if he’s in the waiting room and either call him or tell him the same as miss Blake. You can still be helpful even if you can’t stomach it right now. When you’re finished with what I’ve asked of you and after you’ve calmed down come back here and see if you can help with the smaller injuries.”</p><p>The resident nods and bolts out of the ER. Clarke runs in the opposite direction, to the OR and is praying to all the gods Luna admires and all the gods she’s cursed for taking her father away to let her have this one miracle and help Bellamy.</p><p>It takes her and Jackson too long to close Bellamy up. They’ve been notified that other surgeons had to come in on their days off because the ER was a total shitshow. After they’d gotten Bellamy in the OR, ten more ambulances had arrived with people with different degrees of burns and other shitty injuries.</p><p>Clarke and Jackson were grateful for the extra staff because this way they could work more calmly. Not as rushed. Still, they were terrified and it was a whole miracle that they kept it together for long enough to fix Bellamy up and make sure there’s no danger for his life.</p><p>After the surgery on Bellamy (which almost made Clarke cry because she hadn’t operated on anyone she cares about with injuries with such threatening force before) they send him to Indra, who gets him in for a quick scan and then she gets him in the ICU. Neither Clarke or Jackson have the time to check up on him because they both have to jump in another surgeries.</p><p>After fifteen hours in different OR and saving all of her patients, Clarke can finally breathe. She goes to an empty bathroom and goes to the sink. She’s fully shaking and there are bloody spots all over her, some of it has gotten in her braided hair. She’s exhausted and she wants to cry because today was hard. Fifteen hours jumping in between surgeries, working on Bellamy and seeing so many burnt flesh is too much for her.</p><p>Clarke washes her face and goes to the waiting room as quick as possible. She isn’t surprised to see Lincoln and Miller there, with Jackson and Wells (who’d come to the hospital while she was working on Bellamy) pacing in front of them.</p><p>Lincoln is the first one who spots her and jumps to hug her. She melts in his embrace and her bones feel like liquid. She barely manages to hug him back before he gets her to sit down.</p><p>“Is Octavia with him now?” she ask with a hoarse voice. She’d yelled so much at vomiting residents and confused nurses, that she’s surprised that she can still speak.<br/>
“Yes, has been there for ages” sighs Lincoln and looks at the floor. “They won’t let us in, though. Need his main doctor to agree.”<br/>
“That’s you, Clarke” explains Jackson. “I’m so glad that I wasn’t very much needed in the OR with him. His head is almost perfect, he’ll just have an annoying bump and small scar from where I opened him up to see if everything’s in the right place” Jackson sinks down next to Miller and they intertwine their fingers. “I’m not his doctor and neither is Indra. She said that the break isn’t as bad as we initially thought. He doesn’t even need surgery for it.”</p><p>“Thank fucking god” Clarke rubs her eyes with shaking fingers. “His body went through so much shit already.”<br/>
“Did you have time to see him?” asks her Miller and smiles at her nervously.<br/>
“Not yet. I was supposed to finish my shift about 6 hours ago? Just came out of the last surgery. Come on, Miller. Let’s get you in. Lincoln, you too” she leads the boys to the ICU and is stopped once by a new nurse who gets on her nerves about how non-relatives can’t get in and visiting hours are almost over.</p><p>Clarke just sends her a leveled look, scowls at her and reminds her that she’s Dr. Griffin, youngest trauma surgeon, daughter of the Head surgeon and of course, the main doctor of one Bellamy Blake. She reminds the nurse of her place and doesn’t bother to sound even a bit respectful because Clarke is so fucking tired and her body went through shock and so much stress and she just wants to lie down and sleep for a week.</p><p>It also doesn’t help the fact that she’s back to burning, her cells screaming in pain and smoking making her even dizzier than she is. She needs it gone. She had control over it. But now it is back and she just wants to scream.</p><p>“What the hell happened?” she asks Miller on the way to Bellamy’s private room (because Jackson was a sweetheart and arranged it for the older Blake).<br/>
“There was a gas leak right next to Bellamy’s building. No one noticed anything until it was too late. There was a shooting near the source of the leak and there was an explosion in the middle of Walden. Five buildings burnt down and so many more broke apart. Bellamy was in his loft, which was in the building nearest to the blast. There’s literally only two survivors we managed to retrieve from the rubble of it. It was really ugly” Miller gulps and casts his head down. “There were so many teams on it. Mine was the last to arrive and I… I was the one to find him. I thought he was dead. He was covered in ash and blood. Bellamy looked dead. When the first ambulance arrived, the paramedics tried to stop me from getting inside with him. I’m facing suspension for two weeks because I refused to follow orders. But I couldn’t leave Bellamy go alone and I couldn’t get a hold of you or Octavia…” he shakes his head and takes a shuttering breath. “Thank you for sending that nurse to me. And thank you, for saving his life.”</p><p>“You don’t have to thank me for either of those things, Nate” she says to him just as quietly. “I’m sorry for the suspension. And the shit ton of shock and stress you went through just to help him and others. You saved his live first, you know” she grabs his hand gently and squeezes. “He will be alright, trust me. Jackson, Indra and I did our best.”</p><p>“I know you did. That’s why I tried to call you. I knew you’d help him the most” he sighs and they get in Bellamy’s room.</p><p>Bellamy is lying in the stupidly blank white bed unmoving. His arms and neck are covered in sterile bandages to cover his serious burns. Clarke knows there are stiches and more gauze under his hospital issued gown on his stomach. His left leg is in a splint, raised on a couple of pillows. Bellamy is connected to a heart machine and IV with blood and liquids. There’s also an oxygen mask on his face to help with clearing out the last of the smoke in lungs (courtesy of the fire).</p><p>Clarke had performed bronchoscopy to check on the damage and to suction debris in the OR and now knew that his lungs were almost perfectly fine. Bellamy is still going to feel like shit, have some issues with breathing, cough a lot to get rid of the feeling of smoke (because patients’ bodies still feel like the smoke is in their lungs even after there’s no sign left of it) and will definitely be hoarse for a couple of days.</p><p>The puncture wound on his stomach, the clean break on his leg and his head injury are the results of the explosion but they will heal nicely within a couple of weeks.</p><p>Octavia is sitting on a chair close to the bed and holds Bellamy’s bandaged hand in both of her own. She looks broken and exhausted and there are tear marks on her face, her mascara smudged and her eyes red and puffy. She looks at them when they enter and sighs appeased when she sees the three doctors, her boyfriend and Miller.</p><p>“How is he? When is he going to wake up? Please tell me that he will wake up” Octavia says in one breath.<br/>
Lincoln moves to stand behind her and squeezes her shoulders. Wells gets Bellamy’s chart and after looking through it quickly, he gives it to Clarke. Miller sits down on the chair of Bellamy’s other side, while Jackson chooses to stand leaning on the wall closest to the door.</p><p>He looks as exhausted as Clarke feels. Which meant she probably looks even worse than he does.</p><p>Clarke looks at Bellamy’s chart, reading every detail carefully. She knows the procedures she and Jackson had executed in the OR but she is more worried about what followed. He got a scan on his leg, which she knows Indra did but is surprised to see that Abby had made sure (between surgeries) that Bellamy would get a chest x-ray too to check if there’s lung damage or infection. Clarke is happy to find out that there’s none. He got a CT scan a couple of hours after his surgery (courtesy of Jackson) and there wasn’t a lot there. Just the expected mild concussion.</p><p>Overall, Bellamy is fucking lucky to have dodged so many bullets and be alive. He’s better than most and way healthier than expected. Clarke is glad that he’s fine.</p><p>She looks at the amounts of anesthesia administrated and does the math in her head.<br/>
“He’ll be perfectly fine” she smiles at Octavia and the girl instantly relaxes but Lincoln sends her a judgmental look. “Oh, come on, Linc! You know what I mean. None of his injuries is life-threatening. There are no signs of infection in the lungs, burns or the puncture wound, though we’ll have to keep a close eye on them. The concussion is mild and the break on his leg is clean, meaning no need of surgery and cast for three weeks. He’ll be recovered in a month and will be back to his usual annoying self. He’ll wake up in a couple of hours.”</p><p>“Recovery will be a bitch though” Wells make sure to remind them. “He’ll probably be annoyed at the cast, but his lungs and throat will be killing him for a while. The burns will be itchy as hell and the wound in his stomach will reduce his movements a bit. But Clarke is right. His charts are better than good and he’ll be as good as new in a month” Wells smiles at Octavia and Miller then his pager goes off. “Duty calls. I’ll check up on him from time to time. Clarke, Jackson, you both need to go home and sleep it off. You look like the walking death and that’s not a good policy in our hospital.”</p><p>“Noted” smirks Clarke and sends him off with a dramatic wave.<br/>
“What you meant to say is that Bellamy is one lucky bastard, huh?” smiles tiredly Miller and Clarke nods. “Thank fucking god. I’m making Luna thank all her gods too. That’s a fucking miracle if I’ve seen one.”<br/>
“I agree” says Jackson and steps closer to his boyfriend. “I’ll just go and change. There’s blood on my underwear somehow and I need those scrubs off. I’ll be back, though.”</p><p>“Wait, I’ll come with you. I’m gonna get us all coffees” says Miller and stands up to follow Jackson out.<br/>
Clarke, Lincoln and Octavia stay in silence and Clarke is barely keeping her eyes open. She leans on the closest wall and squints her eyes tiredly at the white bright lamps on the ceiling.</p><p>“What now?” asks her Lincoln and she doesn’t look at him, because she knows that the minute she does, he’ll send her home and will start mothering her.<br/>
“Now, he stays here for about four to five days, depending on the results we get from his examination that I’ll do when he wakes up. Then, he’ll be assigned a home nurse to stay with him in his first week because with the broken leg and the stitched wound he’ll need a lot of help and all of our friends are busy 24/7. I guess Miller could also help him after that while he’s suspended but the first week is crucial to his recovery. Also, he will get ton of dizziness and confusion because of the smoke inhalation. So he needs a medical babysitter, literally, in the first week home.”</p><p>“Clarke, his flat burnt down. So did his car and everything he owns” whispers Octavia. “He can’t get a home nurse when he doesn’t have a home.”<br/>
Clarke is hit with a stupid idea and if she any energy left whatsoever in her, she would’ve probably kept quiet. But the shock and stress of today, combined with her exhaustion, make her open her stupid mouth.</p><p>“He can stay at mine” she offers and both Octavia and Lincoln take a sharp breath. “You know I have more than enough space free. And as his main doctor, I can take perfect care of him. He can stay after his recovery and till he can get a new place with the insurance money” Clarke shrugs. “I don’t mind taking a week off. Also, he can get out of the hospital quicker. Less bills to pay the hospital. Also, by staying at the mine, he won’t need a nurse. Less money spent. I don’t mind.”</p><p>“That… That’s a great offer, Clarke. Are you totally sure, though? It’s not the exhaustion talking?” Lincoln raises a brow and Clarke sighs.<br/>
“Honestly, it is partly. But he needs someone to help him out and I don’t mind being that someone. Considering I’m the best option of all our friends and their places. Seriously, who else can give him a real comfortable bed right now and not a pull-out couch?”<br/>
“She’s right” Octavia sighs and stands up to get closer to Clarke. “We don’t have the space in our flat. Miller is renting his bedrooms to Monty and Jasper. Murphy lives in one-bedroom apartment. Emori and Harper are sharing a flat. Luna lives with all of her cousins and Gabriel already has a roommate. Wells is out too, considering he’s staying at his dad’s place because he’s renovating his house and Jackson lives outside of the city. That’s far away enough for Bellamy to travel in his condition. And we all know that Bellamy will want to work as soon as possible” Octavia hugs her closely. “Thank you, thank you so, so much! You have no idea how helpful you are.”</p><p>“Stop thanking me, please” Clarke blushes.<br/>
“She’s uncomfortable with gratitude” chuckles quietly Lincoln. “You know that Bellamy has to agree first, right? O, you can’t decide for him.”<br/>
“He’ll agree. It’s not like he has much of a choice” Octavia shrugs. “Now, Clarke, be a darling and go home. You need some sleep. And a shower. Wells is on shift and he’ll take care of everything. We will text you the moment something happens. Just… Get some sleep. Can’t have my brother’s savior collapsing in the middle of the hospital.”</p><p>“Fine, fine!” Clarke shakes her head and throws one last glance at Bellamy. “I’ll still probably be back earlier than you’d like. Just so you know.”<br/>
“As long as you sleep a bit, I’m fine with it” Octavia hugs her again.<br/>
“You feeling good enough to drive?” asks her Lincoln and she nods.</p><p>“Don’t worry about me. That wasn’t even the longest shift I’ve had this month. I’ll be fine. Just keep me updated.”<br/>
“Will do” Lincoln sends her a warm smile and with that she leaves.</p><p>She gets home pretty quickly and jumps in the shower. She smells as bad as most of her patients from the explosion did and she can’t wait to get rid of the smoke smell (because it freaks her out, she’s burning higher and higher) and the blood. When she gets in the shower, she sits on the tiles and cries. Sobs ripped from her chest, ugly chokes, boiling tears and so much shaking.</p><p>She feels like she’s breaking and finally realizes that she really cares about Bellamy. That he’s her friend now, not an enemy anymore. And she was so close to losing him today. That makes her cry even harder. The coldest water of the showerhead is enough to drown out the fire that erupts in each cell she has and she’s back to charred pieces and ash.</p><p>Clarke manages to get a two hour long nap before she’s woken up from a nasty nightmare, showing her the explosion in Walden but instead of Bellamy under the rumble, it’s her dad, calling out for her. She never manages to get to him and soon she’s also swallowed in the flames.</p><p>Clarke shakes herself out of the nightmare and puts on some clean clothes. She doesn’t have any surgeries in the next two days, only check-ups and shit ton of paperwork, so she decides to pair her work pants with a comfortable black t-shirt and block heeled boots. She leaves her waves down and leaves her loft in a rush.</p><p>Clarke parks in her spot in the hospital’s parking, getting out for a coffee run from the Starbucks across. When she gets into the hospital, the nurses eye her suspiciously. And they’re right to do so. Usually, when Clarke is off, even when it’s only for a night, she doesn’t get in till the last minute. But now she’s back just three hours later, with a blank expression and an annoyed look to all of the gossiping nurses and residents.</p><p>She’s sure that all of them know by now how she acted throughout the shit ton of surgeries today – she didn’t have any energy left in her to be gentler to the shocked residents and was barking orders left and right. She definitely acted like her nickname, especially when she was more than rude to the nurse who refused to let Miller and Lincoln in the ICU. She had been following protocol, after all, but Clarke still bit her head off.</p><p>She sure makes sure to be seen as the Ice Queen Bitch. And she doesn’t regret her behavior. It saved so many lives, including Bellamy’s.</p><p>When Clarke gets in his room in the ICU, there’s a nurse checking on him. Octavia and Lincoln are sleeping on the small couch and Miller is napping in what most definitely is an uncomfortable position on the plastic chair near the bed. Clarke leaves the coffee on the end table and thanks the nurse.</p><p>She still checks on Bellamy after, just to be sure all is good, and then sits across Miller, on the other side of her patient and friend. He still hasn’t woken up, which doesn’t worry her yet. Clarke gets her sketchbook out of her purse and starts drawing Octavia and Lincoln.</p><p>She’s lost in it for an hour and after she’s done she switches to sketching Bellamy’s sleeping form. She smiles a bit when she notices that the he wears a relaxed face in his sleep, no sight of his usual worry for his friends on it. This time she manages to get his freckles right but when she tries to get the dimples in, she messes up a couple of times. He isn’t smiling in his dreams so it’s pretty hard to get them in and make them look realistic.</p><p>A movement to her right attracts her attention and she lazily moves to look at Bellamy. Who’s staring back at her confused. She jumps on her feet and helps him drink small sips of water. She opens a drawer from the end table and gets a flashlight, giving Bellamy some time to realize where he is.</p><p>“Hey” she whispers and smiles a bit. “How are you feeling?”<br/>
“What…” his voice is too husky and hoarse and Clarke cringes internally. She helps him drink some more water but stops him eventually, because she needs to be sure everything is alright first. “What the hell happened to me?”</p><p>“There was an explosion in Walden” she keeps her voice quiet and soothing. “Hit your building pretty hard. Um… You got some nasty burns on your neck and arms from the fire, but they’re not serious enough. A mild concussion and a puncture wound from the blast. A broken leg from the rubble. Sounds worse than it actually is, trust me” she manages to smile, but all she sees in her head is his unmoving form in the OR, bleeding excessively and breathing raggedly. She shakes her head to get the image out of her head.</p><p>“I don’t feel it though” Bellamy says in surprise and confusion.<br/>
“You can thank the drugs for it” she chuckles quietly. “Will definitely feel it later though. It’s a good thing that I’m your doctor, because I can prescribe you all the painkillers you’d need.”<br/>
“You operated on me?” he says through a nasty cough and this time Clarke cringes for real. “Okay, I do feel one thing. Why does my throat hurt when I breath?”<br/>
“That’d be courtesy of smoke inhalation” she helps him move into a sitting position when she sees him struggling and he sends her a grateful nod (through an annoyed grunt).</p><p>Both of them, by being the mother hens of their group, weren’t used to someone else taking care of them. So neither of them appreciated needing help in whatever. They don’t know how to want help. Or how to accept the fact that they need it. So they refuse to acknowledge it.</p><p>“And yes, I did operate on you” Clarke gets closer and lights the flashlight. “Look closely here, please” she shines it in his left eye. “Jackson did too, but it was more of a precaution” she sighs and moves to his right one. “The paramedics hadn’t determined a cause for you falling unconscious and you <em>were </em>in a fucking explosion, so he had to make sure there was nothing wrong with your smartass head.”</p><p>“Drink” he says through a smirk and she rolls her eyes.<br/>
“You dizzy?” he shakes his head. “Good, that’s good. Any nausea?” he shakes his head again and Clarke smiles calmly. “Okay, can you tell me what’s the last thing that you remember?”<br/>
“I was getting ready to go out. I took a shower after breakfast and was in the living room when I heard gunshots outside of the building. And then… I think I remember being thrown off. There was a loud boom. Wait, what happened to my building?”</p><p>“Okay, so you remember the last conscious moments. That’s good” she puts the flashback in the drawer again and sits down again. She meets his eyes and gulps sadly. “As for your building… Bellamy, it’s all rubble now. The explosion was big enough to cause an earthquake. There are at least a dozen building left to turn into rubble and ash. I’m sorry, Bellamy.”</p><p>They stay in silence while he comes to turns to the seriousness of the situation. Bellamy looks around and finally realizes that there are other people in his room.”<br/>
“Miller found you. Came with you to the hospital in the ambulance” she answers his silent question. “He was worried sick. He had to get you out of the rubble and… He thought you were dead. He hasn’t gone home yet. Wants to see for himself that I actually managed to keep you alive.”</p><p>“Thank you” Bellamy says through another cough and his face scrunches in pain. “I still feel tired. How long was I asleep for?”<br/>
“Um…” Clarke’s taken aback from his gratefulness. Still, she does the math in her head (too slow for liking, she’s too exhausted still). “About twenty hours? That’s normal, though. You lost a lot of blood and your body went through a serious trauma and stress. It will take you some time to feel like yourself.”</p><p>“Okay, last question, and I’m going back to sleep” he says in she nods with a small smile. “When can I get out of here? Wait, where am I supposed to go?”<br/>
“I have an offer for you. Considering your home has been blown to pieces and again, I am really sorry about that, and you will need medical assistance in your first week home… I talked with Octavia and Lincoln. They agreed it was a good idea. You can stay at mine” she meets his eyes and continues to explain when he doesn’t respond. “I’ll take a week off work. I have more than enough space and you can stay even after you’ve healed. At least until you find a new place after you’ve gotten the insurance money” she shrugs awkwardly. “You don’t have to agree, it’s just…”</p><p>“Relax, princess” he sighs and reaches for the water again. “It is a good idea. I don’t want to burden you, though.”<br/>
“Nonsense” she waves a hand dismissively. “You need a place to stay and someone to help you out. I can do that just fine. And considering I’m your doctor, I can get you out of here sooner if you live with me.”</p><p>“Okay, then” Bellamy nods and then smiles. “Gimme shelter, Princess.”<br/>
“Perfect” she squeezes his hand encouragingly, stands up and straightens her work white coat. “Now, since I’ve checked you and am sure everything is healing nicely, I have other rounds to deal with. Will check up on you soon again. Go to sleep, Bellamy.”<br/>
“Didn’t know that a hospital bed was all you needed to check me out, Princess” he smirks and she blushes.</p><p>“Don’t flirt with me, Blake. It’s unprofessional” Clarke rolls her eyes. “Go to sleep, Bellamy. You’ll have all the energy to return the favor after” she smiles and leaves him to go to the land of dreams.</p><p>She smiles a bit and the blush is still in her cheeks. She does her rounds calmer than usual. She can’t even try denying that she’s so fucking glad that Bellamy is awake and back at his usual self.</p><p>The burning has resigned to small sparks and Clarke feels lighter than ever. Because Bellamy is alive. And she can help him even more. And if he flirts with her again because of the drowsiness, well… Let’s say she isn’t totally opposed to the idea.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As I said in the begging's note, the first favor comes in next chapter. We get Bellarke roomates and don't worry, those two will be flirting constanly. Becho break up is arriving sooner than I wanted but we're all happy about that. Let's hope that Bellarke living together won't bring the end of the world!</p><p>Thanks for reading!<br/>~Kate</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Nevermore</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, sorry that this chapter is shorter than usual. It's a relaxed chapter, meant to show the development of our sweet confused Bellarke. It's all Bellamy, like the last one was all Clarke.<br/>Next chapters we're going back to serious stuff.</p><p>Chapter name - 3x11</p><p>Enjoy reading!<br/>~Kate</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bellamy feels like shit. Clarke had taken him off the hospital-issued drugs and he had to switch to prescribed painkillers. His neck and arms are itching like crazy. The stiches on his stomach pull him back every time he tries to move more than is comfortable. And let’s not mention the cast and the crutches. He hates all of those and he hates even more the fact that he can barely move.</p><p>It’s moving in day and he can’t wait to sleep in a real bed. Not that having a private room in the hospital was bad, it just wasn’t comfortable or homey. But if Bellamy has to be honest, he doesn’t know where exactly he’ll feel homey again.</p><p>Miller takes him from the hospital after Clarke discharges him with a big smile (he tried not to notice how tired and stressed out she looked lately; he knew he was going to only burden her more). She has a couple more hours on shift so she sends him off with a wave and dives back in the busy hospital.</p><p>Miller starts the drive in silence and Bellamy can tell that something is bothering him. He tries to adjust his position carefully in the passenger’s seat (to no avail) and turns to look at his best friend.</p><p>“I still haven’t thanked you. For saving my live” Bellamy says and hopes that’s the right thing to do. “If you hadn’t found me in the rubble, I might’ve died under all the bricks. So thank you. For saving my live and refusing to leave me go to the hospital alone. You saved me, Nate.”<br/>
“I couldn’t leave my partner in crime to perish from some stupid ass explosion” Miller tries to play it off but Bellamy sees right through him. “Also, Clarke did the saving part. So you should be thanking her.”</p><p>“Miller” Bellamy sighs and looks through the window. “Don’t diminish what you did, please. You had as big part as Clarke did in saving my life. So just accept my thanks and be proud of yourself. I know I am” he smiles and sees Miller nod.<br/>
“Just as long as you don’t need my services ever again” Miller smirks and that makes Bellamy smile.<br/>
“He’s back” sighs happily Bellamy.<br/>
“We’re back” agrees Miller and gets in Clarke’s underground parking. He’d already memorized the necessary code and he parks as close to the elevators as possible. “Did Echo visit you? Does she know you’re going to be living across from her?”</p><p>“Dear god, no” Bellamy huff and gets clumsily out of the car, cursing silently at his broken leg and at the crutches. “I’ve… I’ve been trying to distance myself from her lately. Since before the crash. She got pretty clingy in the past month and it’s too much bother. I was actually planning on breaking up with her when… Well, you know. I blew up” he shrugs, which is pretty hard to do, considering he almost drops his crutches and falls down.<br/>
“Still too soon to be making fun of it, man” Miller pokes him in the shoulder and Bellamy almost loses his balance again. “I support you breaking up with her, though. That woman is a devil-send. And not to be rude, but good riddance.”</p><p>“So supportive” whistles Bellamy and they get out of the elevator.<br/>
Bellamy sends a nervous glance to Echo’s door but he’s happy when she doesn’t get out to shower him with her worried and clingy questions like people do in movies.</p><p>“And when you finally break it off with her, you can maybe ask Clarke out” smirks Miller and unlocks his new home with a set of keys that belong to Jackson.<br/>
Bellamy isn’t entirely sure he’s fine with literally all of his friends being able to get in his new home whenever they feel like it but it’s not like he has much say in it. And it could’ve been way worse. He may have had to share Octavia and Lincoln’s flat or worse – live on Murphy’s pull-out couch.</p><p>“And why exactly would I ask her out?” he raises his brows and gets in the loft.<br/>
“Who are you asking out?” asks Octavia from the second floor’s landing.<br/>
“No one” he leaves his crutches to the side and lands heavily on the L-shaped couch. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Making sure all is ready for you, big brother” Octavia grabs a pile of sheets and blankets and joins him and Miller downstairs. “Lincoln went grocery shopping, because as we all know, if it wasn’t for Murphy, Clarke would probably starve. And now that there’s another living being in her loft, maybe it’s not a good idea to change your diet to hers” she shrugs and goes to the guest bedroom on the first floor. “Clarke said you can move in one of the bedrooms upstairs when they get your cast off. Till then, you’ll be living from here.”</p><p>Octavia hides in the guest room to ready his new bedroom and he looks at Miller, who’s raiding Clarke’s cupboards for snacks.<br/>
“Why would I be asking Clarke out?” he asks once he’s sure that Octavia is out of earshot.<br/>
“You’ve been flirting with her ever since she forgave you. And she flirts back” smirks Miller and throws a bag of Cheetos at him. “For a doctor she has too much junk food and snacks in her house.”</p><p>“You’re telling me” Bellamy rolls his eyes and opens the Cheetos.<br/>
He remembers when he cooked for Clarke when she was dead on her feet. He had to go grocery shopping in the middle of the night so he can prepare something edible for her. That girl may be a godsend to all her patients, but she was definitely taking shitty care of her own body.</p><p>“I’m not going to ask her out, Miller” Bellamy sighs and his best friend joins him on the couch. “And we’re not flirting with each other. She is hot and smart and funny but first of all – I’m still in a relationship. I might want to bang her but I ain’t doing anything about it. Also, we just started to get along. Also, we’ll be living together, Miller. Get those ideas out of your head!” he pokes him in the ribs and Octavia comes back in the living room, making them drop the subject.</p><p>“So, I went out and bought you enough clothes and shoes and stuff for you to be living comfortable. Also, since you actually blew up” Miller groans at that but Octavia just grins like a Cheshire cat, “I decided to bring all of your clothes that I’ve acquired throughout the years.”</p><p>“By that you mean you’ve stolen” Bellamy grunts and Octavia waves a hand dismissively.<br/>
“Yeah, yeah. Clarke said that she can help you get everything you need.”<br/>
“Sure, let’s burden the life of the woman who saved my life even more” Bellamy rolls his eyes. “Thanks for taking care of my stuff. Don’t need any more help though. Especially not from Clarke.”<br/>
“Suit yourself” Octavia sighs and drops down next to him. “We all just want to make sure you’re going to be alright. Your life blew up…”</p><p>“Stop it, O!” Miller grunts even louder and throws a pillow at her. “You guys need your mental health checked out. Little annoying fuckers” he mumbles under his breath but both Blake siblings hear him and both throw a pillow at him. “Okay, okay! I’m shutting up. Make fun of the accident, what do I care?” Miller shakes his head. “Now, what do you two fuckers want to watch?”</p><p>It’s five hours later when Clarke gets home. His sister, Miller and Octavia left a while ago, leaving him to nap a bit on the couch, after they’ve cooked dinner. He wakes up when Clarke slams the door and he jumps a bit.<br/>
“Shit. Did I wake you up?” she asks quietly and kicks off her heels, drops off her keys on the end table and throws her coat and purse on the armchair.<br/>
She looks exhausted and even worse for wear than Bellamy. He still feels guilt sometimes when he sees her after work and actually overall. It’s hard to convince himself that he’s deserving of her kindness and friendship after his cruelty. It’s even harder to convince himself that he isn’t actually a cruel person. But he’s getting there.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it” Bellamy sits up and moves his broken leg to lie motionlessly on the coffee table. “I was just taking a short nap.”<br/>
“Yeah, basically your schedule will consist of naps in the next week” Clarke sends him a tired smile and goes to the stairs. “I’m gonna take a quick shower. You can order whatever take out you want for tonight. I eat everything. Besides pickles. Pickles are fucking disgusting.”<br/>
“No need. Lincoln made us dinner” smirks Bellamy. “And who doesn’t like pickles? That’s monstrosity.”<br/>
“Hey!” Clarke pretends to be outrageous. “I don’t want to hear this kind of talk under my roof, Blake. Pickles are hard no for me and you can’t make me change my mind. So don’t even try!” she shouts from the second floor and he shakes his head amused.<br/>
“Enjoy your shower, Princess.”</p><p>Thirty minutes later Clarke joins him, her wet hair dripping on an oversized t-shirt with Arkadia University on the back and too short shorts for Bellamy’s liking. Actually, the issue might be that he actually likes them. Too much. They show Clarke’s toned legs and he is surprised at how smooth her skin looks. He wants to be able to trace it upwards and…</p><p><em>Bellamy Blake, you stupid horny dick. Stop it right now </em>he thinks to himself.<br/>
<em>But she does look sexy as fuck in her lounge wear, Blake </em>he reminds himself and wants to put his head through a wall.</p><p>Clarke hasn’t noticed the internal turmoil going on in his head, she just goes to the kitchen and gets the pasta that Lincoln cooked in nice dishes. She brings everything to the coffee table and sends him a playful smile.</p><p>“You do realize that I have no issues with getting to the dining table, right?” he smirks at her.<br/>
“Why should you when there’s no need?” she smirks right back. “Relax, Bellamy. I need you as chill and unmoving in the first week as possible. You can be very annoyed if you want to but don’t forget – doctor’s orders.”</p><p>“I think you might be abusing the so-called doctor’s orders, Princess” Bellamy throws his napkin her way. “I’m in for hell, am I not?”<br/>
“Don’t be dramatic, Blake. Doesn’t suit your masculinity” Clarke throws her napkin back. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna get me some wine. Can’t share it with you tonight, though.”<br/>
“Yeah, the painkillers don’t make it easy on my wanting of alcohol” he rolls his eyes and puts a hand on his chest. “How will I ever live?”</p><p>“Drama queen” deadpans Clarke and gets up to choose a bottle. “You know, you can stop taking them if you want to drink so badly. You’ll just set yourself back a lot. Part of the reason why your body is healing so nicely is that when it doesn’t feel the pain, it feels safe. But you know, your decision. I probably won’t agree with it and you’ll blame for abusing my power but… Well, you know” she shrugs and sits down with a glass of rosé.</p><p>They eat and small talk a bit, Bellamy recalling some really old British TV-show he watched on the hospital’s TV, making her laugh a lot and snort some pesto sauce out of her nose, which just makes both of them totally lose it. Clarke complains about all of her incompetent residents and Bellamy reminds her that she was probably just as bad in the beginning of her residency to which she huffs offended.</p><p>“There’s no room for mistakes and stupid behavior when you’re mother is Abby Griffin. And also your boss” she rolls her eyes. “I love my mother, but she’s such a monstrosity of a boss, you have no idea.”<br/>
“Not sure if I want to know” he smiles at her.</p><p>His phone rings when Clarke goes to wash the dishes, stopping every offer he tries to pass to help her out. He checks the caller ID and he groans.<br/>
It’s Echo and he doesn’t want to deal with her right now but an idea passes through his mind.</p><p>“Hey, Clarke?” he calls out to her and she sprints to him, almost stumbling to the ground.<br/>
“What… Is everything okay? Trouble breathing? Dizziness? Did you somehow manage to rip your stitches?” she asks in one breath, her face back to doctor Griffin.<br/>
“Hey, hey, Princess. I’m as perfectly fine as possible. Don’t worry about me” he smiles at her and she sighs.<br/>
“You use my name only when it’s something serious, Blake. Considering why you’re living here now, I have all the rights to worry” Clarke reminds him but sits down on the coffee table across him. “What’s up?”</p><p>“Um… So I don’t know if you know, but I actually have a girlfriend. And before you start wondering why I’m telling you this, you should know, I want to break up with her. Like, right now. And also, it’s Echo” he mumbles the last part sheepishly.<br/>
“Echo, as the fucking annoying model living across? The biggest bitch of the century? That Echo?” she sounds shocked. “Wow, Bellamy. You really do have shitty taste.”</p><p>“Okay, I may have failed with this one, but I do not have shitty taste” he says. “In my defense, that’s the first relationship I’ve had in years. And it started because the sex was good and, I don’t know, she seemed nice?”<br/>
“You suck” she deadpans and laughs after. “Okay, you get a pass on that one. Mainly because you were stupid enough to actually deal with Echo of your own judgment. Where are you going with this girlfriend-talk?” Clarke raises a brow and then realization hits her. “No. Uh-uh” she starts shaking her head and goes to the kitchen. “Nope!”</p><p>“I’m cashing my favor in, Princess” he smiles at her and she lets out a loud groan. “Help me dump her ass so neither one of us has to deal with her anymore.”<br/>
“I think you cashed in your favor when I saved your ass or when I sheltered your ass…”<br/>
“Which you did out of your own violation, Clarke.”<br/>
“Sound more grateful” she groans again and he snorts.</p><p>“Okay, look at it like this. If you don’t help me break up with her, if I do it on my own, she probably still won’t leave me alone. It won’t be hard to find out that I live here now, even if it’s temporary. Which means that she’ll bang on your door all the time, trying to get me take her back…”<br/>
“Yeah, yeah. Got it. Shut it now” Clarke sighs and returns in the living room. “Fuck. <em>Fuck. </em>You’re right, that goat doesn’t know when to stop. Okay. <em>Fuck, okay</em>. I’ll help you out” she runs a hand through her golden waves and Bellamy is mesmerized. For a second.</p><p>“Thank you, thank you…”<br/>
“As long as you promise not to take her back. It’s bad enough she lives across from us. I ain’t gonna be dealing with her because you’re a fucking dumbass” she says and puts on a pair of slippers.<br/>
“Rude” he smiles at her and gets to stand up, but she waves a hand to stop him.</p><p>“We’re doing it my way. You can watch from there” she smirks and opens the door, so Bellamy can see in the hall.<br/>
Clarke knocks on Echo’s door and a minute later his girlfriend opens it with a grumpy look.<br/>
“What do you want, Griffin?” Echo says through her teeth.<br/>
‘’I believe you’ve met my new roommate. Bellamy Blake?” he can hear the wolfish smile in her voice and shakes his head amused. “No worries if doesn’t ring a bell. It’d be better if you totally forgot about him, actually.”</p><p>“The fuck are you talking about?” Echo sees him just now through the open door and her brows raise to her hairline. She notices the crutches and the bandages around his neck and arms and tries to run to him, but Clarke grabs her shoulder, stopping Echo in her tracks. “Let me go. That’s my boyfriend.”</p><p>“Just realized it, huh” Clarke shrugs nonchalantly and cocks her head to the side. “Tell me, why didn’t you act like it when your boyfriend was in the hospital for a full week? Literally every media has been talking about the explosion in Walden. You know, where your boyfriend used to live. You knew about it. So why didn’t you visit him in the hospital?” Clarke wonders. “I would’ve known if you tried to do so, considering I was the one to let non-relatives visit him. Huh. Weird” she turns to Bellamy who’s trying real hard not to erupt in laughter. “Did she at least call to check up on you? No? Please, tell me she texted.”</p><p>“To be fair, I didn’t exactly tell her that I was a patient because of a violent explosion almost burying me alive” Bellamy shrugs with a small smile.<br/>
“Bellamy, why didn’t you tell me?” Echo sounds sad but her face fails her, showing her fake intentions.<br/>
“Was kind of busy getting a surgery, a cast, some stiches” Bellamy keeps Clarke’s nonchalance going. “Princess here is right. There was no way you didn’t know about the explosion. You could’ve at least texted to see if I was there when it happened. But all you did was text and call me non-stop to see when I can come over” Bellamy shakes his head and takes a deep breath. “We’re done, Echo.”</p><p>“Just like that?” she sounds more annoyed than anything.<br/>
“Yep. Just like that” nods Bellamy. “Please, don’t reach out to me anymore. Or any of my friends or family. And don’t try to make a big deal out of it. We’ve been together for 2 months, half of which I spent trying to get away in a very obvious way. I’m sorry, Echo.”</p><p>Clarke mouths <em>harsh</em> at him and he barely manages to keep his laughter in.<br/>
“I knew you were a waste of time, Bellamy” Echo hisses to him and he is surprised by her sudden change. “You were a shitty boyfriend. Still are a shitty person. Maybe you being in the explosion was karma for your behavior and…”</p><p>Clarke punches her. Real hard. Bellamy actually starts laughing when Clarke shakes her fist cursing.<br/>
"Bitch!” Echo shouts at Clarke, holding her bleeding nose.<br/>
“Don’t talk to Bellamy like that” Clarke hisses and steps closer to Echo, jamming her finger in her chest. “That explosion killed more than a hundred people on sight. Two dozens more in the hospital. They’re more than 200 people injured. Shut your mouth before I decide to send you to keep them company” Clarke sounds scary and that actually makes Bellamy stop laughing. “And try to not act so all-mighty. I can see Roan trying not to burst out laughing. It’s a nasty thing, cheating on your boyfriend.”</p><p>That makes Bellamy stand up, shocked and he almost loses his balance. He had no idea.<br/>
“Roan, when you finally get sick of her, you’re welcome to come over” Clarke shouts to Echo’s apartment. “Thanks for teaching me how to punch, by the way.”</p><p>“No worries, Griffin” shouts some guy back from Echo’s apartment and Echo gets even redder. “It was a nice one. Possibly one of my favorite to witness.”<br/>
“Let me remind you, Roan. You used to have standards” Clarke laughs and waves at Echo. “Speak to me or Bellamy ever again and I’ll make sure no one in Alpha offers you a place to stay in. Have a nice evening!” she chirps up and goes back to her loft.</p><p>She closes the door behind her and drops heavily on the couch, crossing her legs on top of it.<br/>
“Um… Before you ask, Roan used to be one of her fuck-buddies. For at least two years. He’s a pretty good guy. Probably had no idea that he was helping her cheat” Clarke drags a hand through her waves. “I’m sorry about what she said about you and the explosion… And I’m sorry that she was cheating on you. It sucks.”</p><p>“Not your fault, Princess” he smiles reassuringly and takes her left hand in both of his, looking at the slowly appearing bruises on her knuckles. “That was one hell of a punch, Clarke. Thought doctors had some oath of doing no harm.”<br/>
“You see me working right now?” she smirks and cringes when he press near one of her knuckles too hard. “That was Clarke punching her. Not Dr. Griffin. We’re safe. No regrets there” she takes her hand back and stands up. “Roan would probably come over in a bit or tomorrow. He always loves bitching out about Echo” she gets an ice pack from the freezer and joins him at the couch again.</p><p>“If he loves bitching about her, why is he fucking her?” Bellamy raises a brow confused.<br/>
“His mom is a bitch. They were in arranged marriage five years ago to help Nia’s, his mom, business and help Echo’s modeling career” she rolls her eyes. “Roan had some issues to go through after his mom passed away two years ago. So he decided to become non-exclusive fuckbuddy of Echo’s. He still hates her but it’s all physical. I thought they stopped though. A couple of months ago. Apparently not” Clarke shrugs.</p><p>“Thank you for helping me dump her. Turns out all of you were right. She was clingy and annoying but now I know she an actual cheating bitch” he smiles at Clarke. “So thank you.”<br/>
“It allowed me to finally punch her. Trust me when I tell you, I’ve wanted to do that for ages” Clarke chuckles a bit and takes her wine glass back. “Also, you’re out of favors.”<br/>
“For now” Bellamy reminds her and she rolls her eyes.<br/>
“Sure” she snorts.</p><p>“Okay, so now that you living here is official, time for some ground rules” Clarke becomes serious and Bellamy can’t stop himself from teasing her.<br/>
“Back to business, huh Princess?” he pokes her in the ribs. “I like it when you take that serious crown of yours off. Makes you seem human enough.”<br/>
“Don’t flirt with me, Blake” she snorts and tries to hide with a sip of wine. “First, I don’t mind you having people over. Doesn’t matter if you’re planning to have sex with them or just want to watch some Netflix. Just as long as you remember to tell me. Second, don’t worry if I don’t get home from work on time. It almost never happens. My schedule is on the fridge now, so you will have some idea of when I’m expected to be home. Don’t reach out to me unless I’m at least ten hours late. Usually my mom kicks me out if I overstay this long so if I’m not home, then you shouldn’t worry. Still, I ain’t working for a week, so I’ll probably tell you this all over again” she shakes her head.<br/>
“So far, so good” nods Bellamy and sends her a tiny smile.</p><p>“Okay. Third, first cup of coffee always goes to me. Especially if you have any will to live ” she smirks and Bellamy easily agrees to it, knowing well enough that Clarke can break him without even lifting a finger. “Fourth, if a douche named Finn shows up, you have all authority to kick him out of the building or call the police for trespassing.”<br/>
“Wait, I’ve heard his name before. Wasn’t he Raven’s ex?” Bellamy asks confused and Clarke lets a tired sigh out.</p><p>“He’s her ex, yeah. Mine too” Clarke shrugs. “Um, I met him while in med-school. We were together for a year and a couple of months before his actual girlfriend of six years – and that’s Raven, if it wasn’t obvious already – showed up at his place while I was there” Clarke blushes and looks down. “She throws a meaner punch than I do. Gave me a black eye for a week. But she’s a smart girl. The moment she realized I was telling the truth that I had no idea she existed, she texted me and we hung out. We both apologized to each other like a hundred times and got drunk the same day. We were daydrinking since brunch” she laughs and Bellamy is amazed at how it still affects him.</p><p>It makes him want to be the reason for her laughter. It makes him want to swallow it, to kiss it out of her. It makes him want to be worthy of it. It makes him want to listen it till the end of his live, till the end of the world.</p><p>“He still sometimes shows up at mine or Raven’s doorstep. And it’s been fucking years since we both dumped his sorry ass. He shows up, declaring his undying love to whichever one he managed to catch at home.”<br/>
“Sounds like a real charming dude” deadpans Bellamy and they both erupt in laughter, Bellamy’s sounding husky and hoarse, since his lungs and throat still feel like they’re burning.</p><p>At least the metaphorical soul burning is gone again. It kept him good company in the hospital but now, while laughing with Clarke on her couch, there’s no sign left of it. He feels good.</p><p>“To fucked up relationships” Clarke raises her glass of wine and Bellamy follows with his gone-cold tea from way earlier.<br/>
“To fucked up relationships” smirks Bellamy and they clink their glasses. “Never again.”<br/>
“Nevermore” agrees Clarke and Bellamy and they both laugh.</p><p>They stay up till late, spilling more details about their past to each other. Bellamy tells her about the different girls that he’d rejected because he didn’t want to deal with feelings. Not after Roma. Clarke told him the story of how she came out as a bisexual and got a girlfriend (that she hated) just to show her mom that she was serious about it and it wasn’t a phase.</p><p>They move to different subjects, like annoying stories of their siblings. Bellamy tells her a bit more about Aurora (his mother) and her passing, leaving him as the official guardian of Octavia. He tells her about all the jobs he had to work at the same time to make sure that he could find them a new place to live and to make sure that Octavia will have a good life. He tells her about all the heartaches of his mom’s sickness and the pain of losing her.<br/>
Clarke tells him about her mom’s addiction and the overdoses. She tells him of her fears that Abby could still relapse.</p><p>Clarke tells him how she decided to not follow her artsy side and left painting behind so she can become a doctor and help people out. Bellamy tells her that he wanted to be a teacher when he was younger, but he couldn’t go to college because it was either him or Octavia. So he worked in the Dropship for seven years, until the owner of it passed away and left it to Bellamy, because the owner had no family.</p><p>They talk for hours and hours and they finally stop when Clarke almost falls off the couch by trying not to fall asleep. She helps him get situated in the guest room on the first floor and checks his stiches. She changes his bandages and berates him for giving in once (only once!) and scratching at one of the burns. She leaves a pitcher of water and his painkillers on the nightstand and wishes him sweet dreams.</p><p>He thinks that living with Clarke is a good thing. Because it sure makes him happy. And he finally doesn’t feel shame and guilt every time he looks at her. Because Clarke is his friend now. <em>His</em> alcoholic big-hearted cursing-like-a-sailor Princess (he doesn’t have the energy to chastise himself for thinking of her as <em>his Princess</em>). He goes to sleep with a big smile after taking his pills, ignoring the small amounts of pain he still feels. Forgetting the fact that he just broke up with his first girlfriend in seven years. Forgetting the fact that he thought he was burdening Clarke.</p><p>No, Bellamy doesn’t give a fuck. He is happy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Welp, here you have it. Becko is no more. Roan is alive and healthy and I've missed him on the show so I decided to put him in the fic. I want to do a Mackson chapter, a Linctavia chapter, a Memori/Murven/Sea Mechanic chapters as well which means that the number of Chapters will only grow from here but I'm leaving it at 20 for now. I want more view of our other beloved characters as well. Give me some feedback if any of you would like that as well!</p><p>I feel obliged to explain that my dislike of Echo and Becko isn't only because of those 2 stopping Bellarke from happening. I didn't mind Echo till the end of s4 because then at least we knew what she stood for and we knew what to expect from her. I feel like Jason managed to destroy even her character and I can't stand her anymore. So that's why I kind of made her a villian in a way. </p><p>Also, if there are any Sims4 lovers, I'm building Clarke's loft in it. Got bored and I suck at describing places so I decided that it may be fun to create it. If anyone wants to see it, I can post ss in following chapters. </p><p>Thanks for reading, guys! Also, I hit 1k hits in less than a week and I feel so happy rn. I'm really gratefull to all of you!<br/>~Kate</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Nevermind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here we go! A bit more of Roan and what may be the beggining of Bellarke?<br/>Prepare for a fun chill chapter because our favorite characters deserve a lot more relaxing than they get in the show.</p><p>Chapter name - 6x07</p><p>Enjoy reading!<br/>~Kate</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first two days of Bellamy living with Clarke go without much issues.</p><p>Bellamy learns that Clarke is really really cranky in the morning and she can forget her Hippocratic oath as fast as she can blink if he drinks the first cup of coffee. It doesn’t matter that Clarke wakes up three hours after him and he has enough time to finish as many cups as he wants and wash them before she even gets downstairs.</p><p>No. Clarke can fucking smell the coffee the moment she wakes up. She also claims that there’s always a difference in the coffee machine after it’s been used in the past five hours. On the second day, Bellamy checked. Thoroughly. He’s certain that nothing has changed but it’s two hours later when Clarke gets downstairs, all sleepy, grumpy and terrifying, and almost tears him apart until he literally pushes a cup of coffee in her face.</p><p>Bellamy makes a note of that. He though that Clarke was joking when she told him the loft rules. Apparently not. Because her love for coffee and craziness around it (first thing in the morning, seriously, Bellamy doesn’t have the energy to deal with her) is fucking similar to Gollum and his ring in the Lord of the Rings.</p><p>He almost expects Clarke to crouch down, looking adoringly at her cup of coffee, repeating <em>My precious </em>and then start conversing with herself. Almost. He’ll probably actually lose it if he sees anything resembling that. Her behavior in the morning is still pretty similar to Gollum and he adds Clarke and her weird mania of coffee to the list of his friends’ quirks.</p><p>Second thing that kind of gets on Bellamy’s nerves is the fact that Clarke is messy. She does her laundry on her first day off, his first official 24 hour hours in the loft. It’s all good until she takes her bras (that she left to air-dry on the big ass balcony earlier) and forgets them all around the living space. She leaves them there for at least five more hours, till Bellamy gets over himself, gets a purple lacy one from the coffee table and throws it in her face. She blushes so hard when she notices that she forgot her bras everywhere and scrambles to get them in her room.</p><p>While leaving the stack of t-shirts and scrubs on the loveseat, because he caught her by surprise and she was finishing up with the machine-dried clothes. He bites his tongue and doesn’t say anything else. They were still there on the second day’s morning but were gone after his short nap.</p><p>He’s always hated messes and considering he lived with Octavia and almost raised her by himself, he hates messy people now even more. So even if it was a pair of socks left out for five minutes, he would probably still be annoyed as hell. It’s just that the cranky teen version of him comes up every time a woman he lives with decides to not follow his own habits.</p><p>He knows it’s stupid and unreasonable. It just… It annoys him, okay?</p><p>Third thing is the mothering. He knows that Clarke took days off work to help him settle and take care of him simultaneously. He knows that as his doctor she knows the right procedures for his recovery and knows the signs to look for if it’s not going right.</p><p>Bellamy can still tell that she checks his stitches more often than necessary. He could look past that. But what makes it worse is every time she checks his bandage-covered burns and finds out he scratched himself, she berates him so hard. He feels like an ashamed child and is almost waiting to have his toys taken away.</p><p>Which makes him even angrier, because, well… He’s a fucking adult. He’s 28 for fuck’s sake! He knows he feels ridiculous and he’s in pain and the burns itch so hard. He knows he shouldn’t scratch himself. He chastises himself about it enough. He doesn’t need Clarke on his case too.</p><p>The fourth and last thing that makes him actually angry is the fact that Miller hasn’t stopped texting him and messing with him about Clarke. Which, to be fair, Clarke isn’t to blame for. But he is attracted as hell to her and he’s mad at Miller for making innuendos at him. And he’s mad at Clarke for being so damn hot and wearing just tiny shorts in her loft and he’s mad at himself because he’s not a damn horny teenager.</p><p>Just because he’s in the presence of an attractive woman doesn’t mean he has to necessarily jump her bones and cover her neck with kisses and look at her beauty mark above her lips from close in between kisses and fuck her brains out until her name is the only thing he knows and… <em>Fuck.</em></p><p>On the second day he gets a call from the insurance company, telling him it will be a while before they can pay him for his flat and car burning down. And, you know, him almost burning down. Because the gas leak might have been intentional, because there were gunners involved, because them shooting at the leak might have not been an accident. There’s an investigation and considering he was home before and at the time of the explosion and it literally happened feet from his building, he might even be brought for questioning (which is fucking ridiculous). So he’ll have to wait a while for any compensation for his loses.</p><p>The third days surprises him a lot. Mostly because he forgot to take his painkiller last night and know feels like he was hit by a truck. Which would’ve been better than his reality.</p><p>He takes a long shower, thanking all of Luna’s gods that the water doesn’t turn cold (he later learns that Clarke’s building is relying on gas and all the heating is constant; meaning that there’s no way the water ever turns cold). It’s pretty hard to wash his hair because his stitches pull at his stomach and restrict his movements; also his broken leg can’t support him so his other one is trembling under the water stream. So he sits down on the tiles, cursing the fucking explosion and finally manages to clean every part of himself.</p><p>When he finally goes to the living room he is surprised to see Murphy there, sitting on his spot (yes, Bellamy’s butt has already left an imprint on it and it’s his spot now), drinking coffee and chatting with some guy that Bellamy’s never seen before.</p><p>“Oh my god!” Murphy notices him and sends him a sly smirk. “Well, well. Would you like that? He <em>is </em>alive! Why did you have to destroy my hopes and dreams like that, Blake?”<br/>
“Shut up, Murphy” Bellamy growls at him and goes to make himself a cup of coffee, noticing one already done on the island counters. He goes to take it but remembers that Murphy (who’s known Clarke for longer than he has) has probably made it for her to avoid dying so early in the day. So he makes himself a new cup of coffee.</p><p>“You’re a bad host, Blake” whistles Murphy from the couch and Bellamy just grunts. “Don’t you want to know who our guest is?”<br/>
“You don’t even live here, dick” Bellamy reminds him and hobbles carefully back to the couch, throwing his crutches at Murphy.<br/>
They hit him in the chest and Bellamy laughs at the string of curses coming out of Murphy’s mouth.</p><p>Then they hear Clarke screaming at them to <em>shut the fuck up or she’s going to disembowel them</em> which makes them all of them freeze. Then Murphy swears at her as loud as he can and they can hear something falling on the floor.<br/>
“I see the usual waking call hasn’t changed much” the stranger says through a small smile and Murphy just shakes his head. “I’m Roan Azgeda, by the way” he says and offers him a hand. “Sorry about… Ugh, Echo.”</p><p>“Don’t sweat it” Bellamy shakes his hand and then leans back, kicking at Murphy a bit with his healthy leg so he can have enough space for his broken one.<br/>
“We don’t talk about You-Know-Who in here, Roan” Murphy reminds him and swats at Bellamy’s cast. “Stop it.”</p><p>There’s a shuffling sound coming from upstairs and then Clarke leans over the railing and stares at them angrily. Mainly, she sends death glares at Murphy, but some of them are directed at Bellamy too, who’s certain he’s done nothing to deserve them. Then Clarke notices Roan and squeals. Actually <em>squeals. </em></p><p>“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she says through shrill squeals and runs down to jump at their guest who catches her and hugs her back. “I’m so glad you haven’t forgotten.”<br/>
“How can I when I know I’ll have to say goodbye to my testicles if I do?” Roan laughs and then pushes her off him.<br/>
Clarke tumbles from the couch ungraciously and Bellamy sees that she doesn’t have shorts under the oversized shirt, just the usual underwear and he manages (which is hard) to look away from her butt. He feels like a fucking pervert.</p><p>“What’s today?” he asks just so he can stop himself of thinking of ridding Clarke of her underwear and her t-shirt and… <em>Fuck, Blake. Get it together, man.<br/>
</em>“It’s Clarke’s birthday” laughs Murphy. “Roan, Clarke and I have a tradition for her birthday. And because Clarke’s such a good soul, she decided she’s gonna celebrate her birthday after you’ve stopped taking painkillers and the cast is off.”</p><p>“We’re going clubbing” shrugs Clarke. “And I want all of my friends there” that melts Bellamy’s heart. But he feels a bit guilty.<br/>
“You shouldn’t postpone it for me, Princess” he sighs but she just shakes her head.<br/>
“Don’t worry, we’re still celebrating unofficially tonight” she reassures him.<br/>
“Yep, right here. Which means, since you can’t drink yet, you’re on babysitting duty. Congrats, Blake” Murphy smirks and stands up. “Coffee is on the island. Should I make the usual breakfast, m’lady?”</p><p>“That would be a yes, my dear sir” deadpans Clarke and she and Roan burst out laughing. “Come on, Roan. You know I’ll need your help to get everything downstairs.”<br/>
Clarke runs to the stairs and with a sigh, Roan follows.</p><p>Bellamy just stares after them, confused as hell. He feels kind of bad that he didn’t know his roommate’s birthday.<br/>
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he hisses towards Murphy.<br/>
“Because it’s not a big deal” Murphy throws back.<br/>
“Not a big deal?” Bellamy is outraged which surprises him. “She’s postponing her birthday celebration because of me.”</p><p>“Get over yourself, Blake” Murphy sighs and turns to look at him in the middle of cutting strawberries. “She was just looking for a reason to postpone it. Her mom’s first overdosing was on Clarke’s birthday. Clarke always gets sheepish around her actual birthday because she remembers the horrors of that day. That’s why Roan and I decided to do well… I ain’t gonna ruin the surprise for you. But we created a tradition of our own for her birthday. To keep her out of her pretty head. Also, it’s her first birthday since her father’s death. She used to spent the whole afternoon with him” Murphy drags a hand through his face. “So get over yourself and all your shitty martyr-like behavior. Today is all about Clarke and distracting her. So I don’t want to hear any of you usual shit coming out of your mouth. Deal?”</p><p>Murphy sounds scary in a way that Bellamy’s never heard him sound. And that’s something, coming from him. So he nods his head repeatedly.<br/>
“Deal” he says, finally.<br/>
“Good. Now, quick being a bitch and text that sister of yours. I’m sure your big ass head is already worrying about a present for her” Murphy smirks and turns back to the cooking.</p><p><em>Shit. </em>A present. He can’t believe it, but he is thankful for Murphy. Rarely, but it happens. He text his sister to ask for ideas and they throw back some. A couple are ridiculous as hell, others are too boring. But finally they can agree on something he suggests and Octavia promises him she’ll get it for him.</p><p>When Clarke and Roan finally emerge from her bedroom, they’re caring two boxes filled to the top and Murphy has finished with breakfast. Apparently the usual for Clarke’s birthday was a fruit salad covered in nutella and white chocolate.<br/>
“Good thing the Nutella isn’t frozen anymore” Clarke chirps up and Bellamy chuckles.<br/>
“Cool it, birthday girl. It was long ago enough to keep messing with me about it” Murphy sighs and gives each of them a bowl of the breakfast and then presents Clarke with her big cup of cold coffee like he’s giving her the most sacred thing in the world.</p><p>And since she’s crouching on the carpet, after leaving her box on the floor, she smirks and looks straight at Bellamy’s eyes.<br/>
“My precious” she hisses and he almost chokes from the bubbling laughter and the absurdity of the whole thing.<br/>
“God, you’re a nerd, Griffin” Murphy throws a pillow at her head and Clarke dodges it laughing.<br/>
“Old news for ya, bitch” Clarke smirks and then turns again to Bellamy. “I heard you mumble about Gollum when I yelled at you yesterday about my coffee. Couldn’t resist.”</p><p>“We’re surrounded by nerds” Roan says to Murphy and they both groan like it’s any kind of surprise or inconvenience.<br/>
“You’re in the presence of royalty” Clarke deadpans and shoots both of them a proud look. “Show the needed respect.”<br/>
“Ice Queen bitch” mumbles Murphy and Clarke jumps at his back.</p><p>Bellamy just stares at them and laughs. Murphy is trying (unsuccessfully) to throw her off his back but Clarke tickles him and he almost drops her. Clarke yelps and plucks his hair a bit. Murphy just laughs back and they continue their battle.</p><p>Bellamy sees how their little tradition was a good thing. Because distracted Clarke was a happy Clarke. And happy Clarke was a sight for sore eyes.</p><p>After breakfast, Clarke goes back to the boxes and gets out shit ton of skin paint, feather boas, a bong and nail polish. She gets a couple of face masks and leaves them carefully on the couch, after which she kicks the boxes under the stairs.</p><p>Bellamy just looks dumbfounded and curiously at her, until Murphy pokes him in the ribs with a smirk.<br/>
“We get high while Clarke paints on us” he explains to Bellamy.<br/>
“Makeover time” shouts Clarke and starts grinding the weed Monty and Jasper had left in the loft.</p><p>Bellamy found out that there was weed hidden in every room. He’d wondered why the boys bothered to hide so much, considering most of the time they had enough on them. But now, seeing Clarke excited to partake in the freshly-legalized action, he gets it.</p><p>“Since you’re living here and literally can’t get away, you’re getting a makeover too” Murphy laughs in his ear. “After it’s Disney time. We have a challenge. Try to keep singing. If you mess up the lyrics or stop altogether, you take a nice big drag.”<br/>
“Someone can slap him if he messes up” chuckles Clarke and sends him a regretful glance. “You can smoke while on painkillers, considering all the weed I have is medicinal” she shrugs and her smile disappears for a bit. “But considering I just rid your lungs out of smoke and am still worried about an infection, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Also, it will hurt like hell. But it is something that you’re allowed to do.”</p><p>“No, thank you” Bellamy says, warmed up by her soft eyes and voice. He wants to erase the sadness from it. Especially when knowing that Clarke worrying over him and still kind of shocked from his state and situation is a big part of the reason for the sadness in her eyes. “But I let only you slap me, Princess.”<br/>
“Never mind, that was a bad suggestion. I’ll figure it out while we go” she waves a hand dismissively and stands to turn the sound system connected to the TV on.</p><p>She turns on Spotify and a playlist of chill songs with hard bass and weird beats starts.<br/>
“High-playlist” she explains and claps her hands. “Who’s first?”</p><p>Murphy sacrifices his dignity and goes first, while Roan and Bellamy cheer him on. Bellamy can see that part of Murphy doesn’t want to do any kinds of makeovers and is astonished to see the lengths his friends is going to just to keep Clarke’s smile on her face.<br/>
Roan prepares the bong and lets Clarke take a couple of drags while she tries to decide on what to paint on Murphy.</p><p>She smiles like a Cheshire cat and makes him take his sweater off. Murphy swears at her but still follows her orders (because, let’s be real; Clarke’s words are usually orders, especially when it’s her day). Roan and Bellamy make a small talk while watching Clarke paint Murphy’s face and chest. They laugh from time to time at the surprising coughs coming from Roan, at Murphy’s cursing, at Clarke’s dumbass weed-talk.</p><p>Seriously, Bellamy definitely thinks Clarke is stupidly adorable when she’s high.<br/>
“You think that if I ate a whole pound of nachos and I weighed a 100 pounds, will I be 1% nachos?” she asks while covering Murphy’s brows with glitter. “Wait. Someone order me some nachos.”<br/>
“On it” laughs Roan, who has a too husky voice and laugh. At first Bellamy thought that it was intentional, to make him sound sexier or something.</p><p><em>Yes, </em>Bellamy does realize that Roan is <em>sexy.</em> He acknowledges it without problems. He just doesn’t want to even consider the thought that Roan <em>might</em> be sexier than him. Not because of Roan’s longer friendship with Clarke. Nope. Nothing concerning Clarke. Nope.</p><p>Bellamy gets a message from Octavia, sending him a picture of the gift and he thanks her, saying he owes her one. She replies with a devil emoji and he knows that she’ll make it good when she reminds him of it.</p><p>“… I’m just saying that it’s false advertisement!” Clarke shouts and coughs after another drag. “Ribbed condoms don’t taste like fucking ribs. Want my money back, anti-baby making factories!”<br/>
All of them erupt into laughter and then Clarke claps her hands.<br/>
“All done” she says proudly and Murphy stands up.</p><p>Bellamy and Roan start laughing even harder, because Clarke has turned Murphy into a glitter butterfly. They’re wings on his face, black glitter on his brows, pink glitter around his eyes (<em>to make his eyes pop, duh</em> says Clarke when Roan complains about the color combo) and there are more wings and the body and legs painted on his chest. All of it covered in so many colors of glitter and paint that Bellamy wonders how Clarke made it works. Because Murphy actually looks good.</p><p>Maybe the smell of weed got him too. Or Clarke is just that good.<br/>
“Oh, my god!” she shouts while dragging Roan to sit across from her on the fluffy carpet. “How many holes are in a damn straw?”<br/>
“One” says Bellamy.<br/>
“Two” says Murphy at the same time.<br/>
“We can make it more” shrugs Roan and lets Clarke braid his hair instead of keeping it down.<br/>
“No, no” Clarke shakes her head all serious and continues braiding small locks skillfully. “It’s a genuine question.</p><p>That’s how Murphy and Bellamy get into an argument about the holes on a straw. Clarke interrupts them from time to time with more weird questions that they answer as quickly as possible. Roan chimes in to support both of their sides when he can. Bellamy almost loses it like five times because it’s pretty fun to argue with high people. And they do make some good points which would usually worry Bellamy, but he’s having so much fun.</p><p>He forgot about the pain in his body and the inconveniences in his life. He is enjoying himself and is glad to see that Clarke is too.</p><p>Roan is done another thirty minutes later and Bellamy almost starts crying from laughing so much. Clarke painted a whole flower garden on him, with rainbow and roses, and sunflowers, and tulips, and poppies and daisies and it’s so beautiful and funny and just perfect. Roan’s broad chest and too many abs (for Bellamy’s liking at least) are fully covered and his hair is in a braid crown and it’s fucking amazing.</p><p>The nachos arrives and Murphy goes to take it because Clarke can’t get off the floor and Roan is laughing so much and Bellamy tries to help her up but just tumbles next to her because the guy is barely functioning when sitting, never mind standing on one leg. Bellamy decides to stay on the carpet next to Clarke, and if she leans too close to him when she reaches for the nachos and all the dips Roan ordered, he doesn’t comment. And if he smells the honey in her hair when it tickles his arm because the girl can’t even sit straight, he doesn’t complain. And if he has to reach a hand around her waist to get her sitting again after she somehow manages to fall back again while laughing to hard and touching her skin makes him burn in pleasant ways, he doesn’t mind.</p><p>Nope. <em>Nope.</em></p><p>After snack time, Clarke makes him take his T-shirt off. He blushes a bit and manages to take it off without her help (because his arms are stiff and the stitches still pull at his skin). Clarke just stares at his toned chest and abs and he blushes even more which is fucking ridiculous. She’s probably seen him naked too, considering she <em>operated</em> on him. But he’s convinced himself that it doesn’t matter, that it doesn’t count, considering he was fucking unconscious, smoldering at the edges and bleeding all over.</p><p>He suddenly realizes that all the bandages covering his naked injured skin might actually disgust Clarke. Which is stupid. First, she’s a doctor. She put them there and she doesn’t give a single fuck about the injuries unless they turn into a threat again. Second, he shouldn’t care what she thinks. <em>Nope.</em></p><p>“I won’t get paint on any of those, don’t worry” she smiles softly at him and he nods.</p><p>But she keeps on staring and he’s confused.<br/>
“Stop oogling the man, Griffin” Roan shouts and that takes her out of her trance, making her cheeks redden.</p><p>She starts painting on his face first. She’s way softer than he expected. Bellamy can feel the soft touch of the brush on his cheekbones and her breath on his skin and she’s so close and if reaches out he can finally find out how her face feels from up close, can finally follow with his thumb the crease between her eyebrows, can finally feel the softness of her lips…</p><p><em>Bellamy Augustus Blake. Stop it right now</em> the voice in his head says and this time it sounds more like Octavia. So he decides to listen to it because Octavia is scary even when in his head.</p><p>Bellamy closes his eyes and feels Clarke’s movements go lower and lower. She’s careful when moving over his bandages and around his stitches. The small swipes of the brush are just as careful and purposeful and soft and the touch of her fingers are like caresses that make Bellamy want to kiss her right now, want to write hundreds of poems about her, want to hold her and <em>shit.</em></p><p>Bellamy has a crush on his roommate. <em>Well, fuck.</em></p><p>When Clarke finishes the painting on his body the only sign she might have felt like him is the slight blush coloring her cheeks. But it might be from the fact she’s high as a kite.</p><p>“That was way too intimate” Murphy chooses to disrupt the energy Bellamy and Clarke had created. “I though today was supposed to be pg-13.”<br/>
“Way too much sexual tension” Roan agrees with them and Clarke throws a pillow at both of them.<br/>
Bellamy laughs it off and stands up clumsily. Clarke gives him the crutches and urges the guys to go and finally see the final products in the full-length mirror next to the door.</p><p>Bellamy is surprised to see that his chest and abs are covered in small moons and planets and the freckles in his body are connected, like dozens of constellations and he’s amazed with what Clarke can do with just a brush even when she’s high out of her mind. Even when his body is covered in bandages and stitches and old scars from his rebellious teenagehood spent with Miller and Murphy. She created the whole universe on his body and all he can do is stare in astonishment.</p><p>Roan and Murphy go back to the couch but Clarke stays close, leaning on the wall because she still can’t keep herself upright.<br/>
“I love your freckles” she says shyly. “They always look like constellations to me. So I connected them and gave them the universe” she blushes a lot.<br/>
“It’s fucking beautiful, Clarke” he says through a dry mouth because he still hasn’t closed it. He’s just… There are no words for what she did on him. Then a realization hits him. “Happy birthday, Princess.”<br/>
“Thank you, Bellamy” she smiles at him and goes back to the couch. “Disney time!”</p><p>Yep. He has a crush on Clarke and has no idea what to do. But he can settle down for seeing her happy for now. Forever, if that's what needs to happen. And he wants to see her happy forever.<br/>
There's nothing else he wants right now.</p><p>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</p><p>It’s around 8pm when their friends start arriving. Clarke has sobered up and has finally put on clothes (which means sweats and a cropped tank top) and she spent the last hour painting on Bellamy’s cast while Murphy cooked them some dinner and Roan went for an alcohol run.</p><p>Raven is the first one to arrive. She actually knocks on the door which surprises Clarke and when she opens the door, Raven jumps to give her a suffocating hug. Clarke returns it with a breathless laugh and then lets her go.<br/>
“My favorite bitch is finally 25!” Raven shouts and shoves a wrapped box in her hands. “You can wear those when we go celebrate for real. And I can wear those when you finally take my brace off!” Raven laughs and gets inside the loft, saying her greetings to Bellamy and Roan and then going to annoy the shit out of Murphy in the kitchen.</p><p>Clarke unwraps the box and opens it, finding a gorgeous pair of stiletto heels (that would kill her feet, but she can get through the pain when drinking) in nude color. Their sole is red and that means that they’re fucking original, which means…<br/>
“You got me fucking Louboutins?” she shouts at Raven. “Those are fucking expensive, Rae.”</p><p>“Well, I do plan on borrowing them in the future, after I rid myself of the brace” her best friend smirks and Clarke sighs sadly.<br/>
“You know it’s possible that you never take it off, right, Raven?” Clarke asks her with a sad smile.<br/>
“I know, Clarke. Just take your present and show me your best catwalk” Raven sends her a sad smile back. “And don’t worry that they were expensive. They’re also a present from Luna. We’re official, by the way” she says with a proud smirk and Clarke almost drops the box of shoes, while Bellamy shouts an excited ‘yes’ from the couch.</p><p>“You bitch! When. How. I want the deets!” says Clarke excitedly and Raven rolls her eyes amused.<br/>
“She asked me out while I was eating her out” deadpans Raven and Clarke erupts into laughter, while Murphy whoops from the kitchen, Bellamy shouts annoyed and Roan literally starts clapping.</p><p>“You’re my hero, Rayes” Roan says from the couch.<br/>
“You still here, Azgeda?” is Raven’s only response. “So we went out. Official since yesterday. Murphy, don’t start with your innuendos tonight!” she shouts to the kitchen and goes to sit on the island, where there’s shit ton of alcohol.<br/>
“I’d worry more about Griffin here. She’s the one dropping bisexual innuendos even when she’s the only bi in the room” laughs Murphy and swats Raven’s hand away from the bottles. “Blake, get your ass here! You can make us some drinks while sitting on a bar chair!” Murphy shouts and Bellamy joins them in the kitchen with an amused smile.</p><p>He stops next to Clarke and smirks a bit.<br/>
“That’s two to zero, Princess” he whispers and she shivers. “You owe me one. Again.”<br/>
“Go be useful and greedy away from me, Blake” Clarke whispers back with a sly smile.</p><p>Monty and Jasper are the next to arrive, with Harper, Miller and Jackson in tow. The stoner duo gives her homemade brownies, which she says it’s the dessert. Harper gives her a colorful set of acrylics. Miller and Jackson surprise her with an expensive spa voucher for two. She hugs all of them and then they join the others.<br/>
Bellamy hands her a cocktail that she can tell is trying to resemble her ‘Bisexual disaster’ but the tequila is too much and is missing the secret ingredient (which is fucking vanilla, but no one can guess that).</p><p>“Nice try. If you want to poison us” she says to him and he rolls his eyes.<br/>
“I’ll figure it out, Princess. You just wait” Bellamy says and shoos her from the island that he’s using as a bar, under the pretenses that the birthday girl shouldn’t be doing any work on her birthday.</p><p>She complies and goes to set the dining room for some beer pong. She plays against Roan but loses real bad because she’s only good when tipsy and but he still does her the winning’s favor, taking off his shirt and showing off her art covering his body. Everyone erupts into laughs and cheers and then Monty and Jasper want to play against her and Raven and this time the girls win, and the boys let them cover them in glitter.</p><p>Octavia and Lincoln show up and she almost misses the secret exchange between Bellamy and his sister. Almost. Clarke sees O handing Bellamy a gift back that he hides quickly in the guest room. Then Lincoln is next to her, hugging her and lifting her off her feet and she laughs.</p><p>Lincoln gives her Jake’s watch that he never took off. Clarke wondered where it had gone because she wanted it for herself. Lincoln tell her he found it in her dad’s last house, in his office, fallen under the desk. She tears up a bit and then Lincoln is hugging her again and she feels sad, because she misses her dad. So, so much. She wishes she could spent the usual afternoon with her dad – either going to art galleries and talking about all the artists they admired and then for ice cream or their days at the lake just outside of Arkadia, sketching and laughing and enjoying the quietness and her dad’s love.</p><p>Lincoln gave her a part of him that she can always carry with her. Of course, she will always carry her dad in her heart but it’s nice to have something that he never took off touching her skin all the time. It burns a bit, the perfect example of the bitter happiness she feels right now.</p><p>Bellamy notices she’s close to tears first and offers her to play with her against Miller and Jackson. And if he leans too close to her when he throws sinks the ball in the opposite team’s plastic cup, she doesn’t comment. And if his curls get in her face when he tries to sit down on the barstool they dragged from the kitchen and she can smell the sandalwood shampoo, he doesn’t complain. And if he stumbles in her and she has to keep him upright because of his messed leg and his body radiates heat that makes her want to undress him here and now, she doesn’t mind.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>She sinks the last cup and Miller groans. Bellamy and Clarke win and she hugs him excitedly. At first he freezes, but soon after his large arms are enfolding her and he sighs in her hair and she squeezes a bit harder because she likes the feeling of him in his arms. Her head is above his heart and she knows that there’s another constellation she painted almost as beautiful as him. The smell of him fills her up and it makes her want to pain on him with her lips, want to kiss all the ugly scars that show his survival, want to caress his chest, want to feel his heartbeat under her ear for every day from now and <em>shit.</em></p><p>
  <em>Well, fuck.</em>
</p><p>Clarke has a crush on her roommate. But that’s fucking ridiculous. She knows she can’t and shouldn’t do anything about it. He just started living with her. And he just broke up with his girlfriend (even if it was a joke of a girlfriend). And he just went through shit ton of trauma. And he’s just started opening to her. She won’t risk their newly found friendship on a small crush.</p><p>She lets go of him and smiles brightly. Then she’s off to find Raven, who’s talking with Luna now, because everyone has arrived and is drinking and enjoying themselves.<br/>
“Find yourself someone to get under and crush is gone” Raven suggests, actually orders her, after she explains her new realization.<br/>
“Keeping my mouth shut, no worries” Luna chimes in. “Raven is right. If it worries you so much, just get yourself a fuckbuddy or multiple one-night stands. Done” Luna shrugs and Clarke nods.</p><p>They eat in between games of beer pong and then Jasper plays his party playlist. Almost everyone dances because no one gives a fuck and they’re all happy and no one has work tomorrow (except for Wells, but he has to go in the afternoon). Miller and Gabriel keep Bellamy company on the couch and cheer them on from time to time.</p><p>‘Mount Everest’ by Labrinth starts and Clarke shouts excitedly. She drags Murphy to the second’s floor landing, where she manages to sit on his shoulders using the railing as support (which means that Lincoln shook his head in disappointment and Bellamy almost lost his mind worrying that she can fall down). Murphy jostles her a bit when he straightens himself but keeps a strong hold of her calves.</p><p>She shouts with Labrinth excitedly.<br/>
“<em>Mount Everest ain’t got shit on me,‘Cause I’m on top of the world!” </em>everyone whoops at the right times with the songs and they’re so many cheers coming from her friends that she literally feels like she’s on top of the world and she’s fucking happy.</p><p>Abby calls her a bit before midnight to say ‘Happy birthday’ and apologize repeatedly, because it’s late and she doesn’t want her daughter to think that her mom forgot about her. Clarke thanks her and reassures her that it’s all good, that she knows her mom forgets about the outside world while working. They both say ‘I love you’ and Clarke is soon again swept into the party downstairs.</p><p>Around 2pm Bellamy finally gives her his present. It's an enormous travel mug with too many crowns on it.<br/>
"This way your coffee won't go cold. And you can take it to work, instead of going to that stupid Starbuks and waiting for hours for just a cup of average coffee" he shrugs.<br/>
She burts out laughing and hugs him again for a second time this evening. She enjoys it even more and wants to never leave.</p><p>Later, when it’s just her, Bellamy, Emori and Murphy awake, watching Tangled, she finally allows herself to feel sad.<br/>
She misses her dad so much and his loss still eats out her soul. There are parts of her that will always burn and she finally resigns herself to the fact. The memory of her mom overdosing years ago to this day still makes her cry silent angry tears and Bellamy hugs her on the couch.</p><p>And if she snuggles more into him, hoping to write it off to the alcohol, he doesn’t complain. He doesn’t say anything. He just kisses her hair, while Flynn and Rapunzel are running away from ‘The Snuggly Duckling”.</p><p>And if she falls asleep on his shoulder and doesn’t feel his warm glance on her, he doesn’t move. He just falls asleep snuggled to her.</p><p>And if Murphy takes a picture of them and sends it to a new group chat that doesn’t have either Clarke or Bellamy in it and starts a bet, they stay none the wiser. For a very long time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Considering the Sea Mechanic's advice and the tags, I think you can guess which character you'll be seeing soon.<br/>I wanted to establish their crushes before I sprung angst all over it. Hope you've enjoyed one of the last fluffy chapters for now. Don't worry, there will be more. </p><p>I'm not going to post tomorrow! Still will the next day, tho!<br/>Next chapter will be one of our "Gospels of..."! I'll be incuding a chapter dedicated to some other of our favorite characters in between the Bellarke ones. Care to guess whose Gospel is gonna be?</p><p>Also, I've upped the number of chapters!!</p><p>Thank you all for your kudos and comments! I'm still taking suggestions if you want something specific to happen.</p><p>Thank you for reading!<br/>~Kate</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Will upload at least two times a week!<br/>Kudos and comments are always appreciated!<br/>Socials are @katewantsadrink<br/>If you want to read any specific things, throw your suggestions in the comments. I have the main plotline figured out but I don't mind including the reader's ideas.</p><p>Thank you for reading.<br/>~ Kate</p></blockquote></div></div>
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